


Let Me Protect You (Part 1 of Series)

by Marvelous34



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Domestic Violence, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Oral Sex, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Self-Harm, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:52:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 57,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelous34/pseuds/Marvelous34
Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans.  Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma.  Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing fanfiction. I do hope you enjoy it, and any feedback would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

You have had enough. It was the last straw. You just could not take it anymore. Finding out your fiancé was cheating on you had broken you. He was the person who was supposed to protect you, love you. The person you had been with for the past seven years, and the person who you were supposed to spend forever with. 

With everything that has happened to you over the last few months, you were honestly surprised you didn’t have a mental breakdown right then and there. 

Three months ago, you put your dog down. She meant everything to you. You found her in a shelter and knew the second you laid eyes on her, she was meant to be in your life. Your heart already had a gaping hole from that alone. Your best friend was gone. 

Then a month later you found out you were being laid off work at your job because they were closing down your location. You loved being a pharmacy technician; to be able to help those in need was something you were always passionate about. After being laid off, along with losing your dog, you became depressed. You didn’t go see a doctor or therapist about it because you had already been there and done that. It just didn’t work for you in the past, why would it work now. 

Your mother had passed away when you were a young girl. At just six years old, it definitely took a toll on you. Growing up in a household with just a dad and brother, you had to bottle up your emotions a lot, and learned to mask them. Looking and appearing happy (even though you were sad on the inside) just became natural to you. 

Your mother’s death was not supposed to happen by any means. Flat out, the doctor fucked up, and he fucked up big time. You got settlement money from a malpractice lawsuit against the doctor. You were smart about it however, and once you turned 18 and got your first check, you saved it. And that is exactly what you did with the rest of it, besides buying a brand new car; you saved all your money up. 

Your (now ex) fiancé had convinced you to take some time off and reflect after getting laid off. You always though he was your protector, always looking out for you. You couldn’t have been more wrong about that. 

You needed a change, something different, an adventure. You had to get out of your small town in Minnesota. You were strong, but you were so broken.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans. Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

The open road. Nothing but your thoughts and some music to keep you company for the 28 hour drive ahead of you. Maybe not the best idea after only find out your fiancé cheated on you two days earlier. You probably should have given yourself more time to calm down and gather yourself, but you being the stubborn woman you were, knew you had to get out as soon as possible. Through therapy sessions growing up, you were told you were sensitive, as if you didn’t know that. Coming to terms with being sensitive to emotions was hard, seeing as your family always judged you for being too sensitive growing up. Hey, you couldn’t help the way you were born right? At least you were able to feel emotions on a deeper connection than others. But that was also the very downside of it too. 

2 Days Earlier

“Emilia, how is my baby sister doing?” my brother Eric asks over the phone.

“Not so g..good” I tried and miserably failed to say. The tears and sobbing making my voice shake. 

“Hey Em, what’s wrong?” I heard the concern etched in his voice. 

“Charlie has been cheating on me, for months apparently”. My heart breaking even more as I come to realize how true it becomes, just saying those words out loud.

“Fuck Emilia, I’m so sorry to hear that. I always thought Charlie was a douche bag. He’s lucky I’m not there right now. He wouldn’t be able to see through his eyes how much he fucked up after I would have beaten him”.

“Thanks Eric, I knew I could count on you to stand behind me. You have always been there for me when I needed you. I just wish you were here with me right now. I could really use one of your famous hugs right now”. A small chuckle falls from my lips, but it was something nonetheless. I didn’t know how long it would be before I gave a genuine laugh or smile again. 

“Hey listen, I have an idea Em. Why don’t you move out here with me? I’m all alone in this house. Hell, you can have the guest house if you want. You need to get away and make a fresh start. Why not start all over in a new city, a new state?” he mentioned, with hope in his tone. 

You sit and ponder his idea for a few minutes. You really didn’t have anything tying you down here. Your father remarried many years ago and you were never really close to your extended family. You have always been the black sheep of your family. Shopping at Hot Topic and wearing black more times than anything. You weren’t a Goth or anything of that sort, you just liked the color black, and skulls, a lot. While you had never gone to visit your brother yet (seeing as he had only been out there a little over a year) he did send you videos and pictures of his house. Let’s just say, he is doing well for himself. You knew he was a publicist for a celebrity, but you never bothered to ask him, as you weren’t one for gossip and didn’t want to intrude into his life.

“You know what, fuck it, I’m moving to LA” you said with a smile. 

Chris P.O.V

Eric and I were playing Call of Duty at his house when he got a phone call. From the moment he picked up the phone, I knew it was his sister Emilia on the other end. He talks about her just the way I talk about my siblings. Eric and I have been pretty good buddies ever since he moved out here and became Frank Grillo’s publicist. I met Eric at party for Marvel cast members because Frank had brought him. We hit it off pretty fast, having a lot in common. He talked about how much he missed his sister, and I could relate to that. Sure I see Scott more often than not since he lives out here in LA, but I miss my sisters like crazy. We just both understand that sibling bond. 

He didn’t get up and leave when he took the call, so I heard pretty much all of it. I didn’t even know Emilia and my heart broke for her. No person deserves to be cheated on. I perked up when I heard Eric ask her to move out here and live with him. I knew it would make him ecstatic to have his younger sister out here.   
When he got off the phone, he was grinning like the Cheshire cat. 

“I don’t even know what to ask. The start of the phone call didn’t sound too good, but your smile says something different” I said with a laugh. 

“He is such a fucking asshole. I swear man, if I was there when this shit happened, I would be in jail right now. I knew that guy was no good, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt”.

“I’m sorry bud; I know how much your sister means to you. I wouldn’t even know how to handle that situation if something like that happened to Carly or Shanna”. 

“Yeah, but at least I convinced her to move out here with me. She’s had so much shit happen to her the last few months, she really needs to just start over, start fresh. She’s going to drive here in two days with as much stuff as she can fit in her Jeep. My dad will ship anything else she needs.”

“Something tells me there is more you want to say about all of this” I say with my eyebrows raised and a suspicious smirk on my lips.

“She is a huge fan of you dude! It started out as her being a fan of the Captain America comics, and she geeked out pretty bad when it was announced they were making movies. Ever since you put on the Cap suit, she’s been your fan. I’m hoping that will be a big step in cheering her up when she gets out here”.

“You didn’t tell her that you know me, after all these months? Isn’t she going to get mad at you for not saying anything?”

“Now that you mention it, I really hope she doesn’t get mad at me. Look, it will be good for her to get out, meet new people, even though some of them will be celebrities. I think she will be alright. She will be here by Wednesday afternoon or evening, and then she can meet you and everyone else at the party here on Friday night”.

Emilia’s P.O.V

Blaring the radio, I sing to Sia’s “Elastic Heart” as I’m driving down the highway. It’s the end of September and it is starting to get cooler out. Autumn has always been my favorite season. The colors on the leaves are beautiful, the air is crisp, and the weather is perfect for a pair of jeans and hoodie. I’m excited to start my new adventure in Los Angeles, but at the same time, I’m terrified. I’ll be in LA, where actors, actresses, and models live and work. I feel like yet again, I will never be able to fit in. I’m not necessarily overweight, but I’m not skinny by any means. Standing at five feet five inches, and wearing a size 12, I am considered below the average size now for women in America. But I will still stand out like a sore thumb around most people there. I have always loved dying my hair, hating the natural hair color I had. Right now, I have red hair, with black peekaboo on the bottom. 

Shaking my head from my thoughts, I stop at a hotel in Denver to stretch my aching limbs and stay the night. If I get up early enough tomorrow, I will make it to my brothers by tomorrow in the early evening. I will be able to start my life over, and forget about my past.

Getting up to my room, the only thing I can think about is taking a hot shower to sooth my muscles from sitting for so long. As I take off my shirt, I look down at the raised skin on my left wrist. Combing my fingers over the skin, it brings back memories. I started cutting myself when I was in the 8th grade. Masking my emotions for so long took a toll on me. I needed to find a way to think of anything, anything but my emotions. The first thing that came to mind was pain. Being able to concentrate on the pain helped my mind ease. My father was not an emotional person; he didn’t really care to hear about my emotional problems. Growing up, I resented him for that. But now, I understand where he was coming from. It’s the way he was raised, and after my mother passed, he was a single father raising two young children. I forgave him, and that is all that matters. But the cutting became an addiction, one that I was never fully able to stop. Sure, I had gone months, sometimes a year or two without doing it. But it was always there as a release for me. 

As the hot water runs down my body, relaxing my muscles, I can’t help but think that this is all my fault. Everything is usually my fault. I’m stubborn, who would want to put up with me. I feel as if I will be alone forever. Maybe that is not such a bad thing though.   
I don’t want to put my problems onto my brother when I get there, so I do the only thing I know will help release some of my emotions. I grab my razor that I keep stashed away in a side pocket of my purse. As I sit at the edge of the bed, with my towel wrapped around me, I slice a few lines into my left wrist and watched as the blood bubbles up to the surface of my skin. I sit there for a few minutes and just take in the pain, as I feel my emotions slipping farther away.   
I clean myself up, brush my hair and teeth, and jump into bed. I set my alarm for early the next morning, and drift off to a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans. Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

Emilia’s P.O.V

Waking up at the ass crack of dawn was by no means your idea of fun. You were a night owl, the dark always felt soothing to you. It was harder for people to get a read on you, especially since you wore your emotions on your face easily. 

You stretched your muscles and were pleasantly surprised to see they didn’t ache too badly. You could also feel the tightness in your wrist, knowing the red lines will scab start to scab within a day or two. Giving yourself a small smile, knowing you had accomplished what you needed; to keep your emotions at bay a little.   
Getting your duffle bag, you pull on a new pair of underwear, loving the way your boyshorts hugged your ass. You were always happy that you had curves. A decent size butt and C cup breasts. Maybe one day you would work on trying to tone your stomach and thighs, but not now. Right now you had one thing in mind, getting to LA, seeing your brother and starting over. Finishing up your outfit, you put on a long sleeve dark grey t-shirt, and some dark wash distressed skinny jeans.   
After checking out of the hotel, you jump into your jeep and hit the open road once again. Only 14 more hours to go. 

Chris’ P.O.V

“Hello?” I ask as I answer my phone, not at all happy to see the name on the screen. 

“Hey baby! What are you up to”? My ex Minka asks me. 

 

“Minka, I’ve asked you repeatedly to stop calling me that, or any pet name for that matter. We are no longer together anymore, so stop trying, please” I huff out a sigh.   
Ever since I became single again after my last breakup a few months ago, Minka has been trying to wiggle her way back into my heart, and my bed. We’ve been so on and off over the years, I know I would gain nothing from it if we tried again. 

“I can see you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was curious as to what you were up to. I guess I will see you on Friday at Eric’s party then” she spat out then quickly hung up. 

I roll my eyes at the thought of having to see her on Friday at the party. She has always been the jealous type, even though we aren’t together anymore. Anytime she sees me talking to a girl, she goes ballistic. 

Speaking of girls, I know Eric’s sister Emilia will be arriving today. I couldn’t sleep much last night, Emilia on my mind and what her ex fiancé did to her. I don’t even know the girl and for some reason I can’t get my mind off of her. What she looks like, what her voice sounds like. All those thoughts kept running through my mind. I’m excited to meet her on Friday. 

I always like trying to meet new people who are just normal and out of the spotlight. It makes me feel like an ordinary person when I’m around them, and that is what I’m looking for now that I have a few months off. No projects or movies, just a few interviews here and there in LA. 

Emilia’s P.O.V

Pulling into Eric’s driveway, my heart is beating out of my chest. I haven’t seen my brother in almost a year. I’ve missed him so damn much. We were so close growing up; he was my protective big brother. I’ve always needed someone to protect me. Not much in a physical way, but more of an emotional and mental way. That is the kind of person I have always drawn myself to. The kind of person to help me overcome the strong feelings that always seems to tear me down. Charlie was like that, even though he cheated on me. 

There was another problem I had, that I know really worried me now that I was in LA; trusting people. I’ve always had a big heart, which in turn has me trusting people so easily. But like usual, that is my fault. I’m always to blame and I’ve come to terms with that. 

“EMILIA!” I hear my brother yell as I get out of the Jeep. “I’ve fucking missed you little sis”. 

“Oh god, it’s so good to see you Eric” I manage to say as we embrace and tears stream down my face. 

His hugs are the best and I can always get lost in the protectiveness of them. This, this is where I feel safest.

“How was your trip” Eric asks as he helps me grab my bags.

“Long and tiring, but has helped me calm down a bit. You know how driving always does that to me. Just give me an open road, blast some music and sing along at the top of my lungs and my problems disappear”. 

“Well I am so relieved you made it here without any problems. Both dad and I were constantly texting and calling each other freaking out a little bit. Let’s get inside and I will show you around the house and you can get settled in the guest house. After that, we will order some pizza, drink some beers, and catch up like old times. I took tomorrow and Friday off work, and Friday I’m throwing a party here so you can meet some of my friends”. 

Eric showed me around his house, and fuck, was I ever impressed. He has been doing well out here and I am so proud of him. While the house isn’t a mansion or anything, it’s very beautiful. A modern house with all the updates you could imagine. It’s a three bedroom, four bathroom house. Enough bedrooms to have his drunken buddies stay over if needed. However, the best part about the house is the pool outside. Growing up in the land of 10,000 lakes, I was always swimming. When I was younger, I always wanted to grow up to be a mermaid. 

I start unpacking the few boxes I was able to fit into my jeep. It was mainly clothes, and a few personal belongings. All my other things were being shipped by my father and would be here by tomorrow or Friday. 

As I unpack, I stall as a thought pops into my head. Wondering if I had the courage to tell Eric about my secret I have been hiding ever since I started dating Charlie. The pain. I always welcomed pain in any form to help with my emotions. Wanting to feel anything other than the nagging guilt, the guilt of being alive. Or the embarrassment of always doing something wrong. Charlie would get mad sometimes and you knew it was always your fault. Maybe you forgot to clean up to kitchen, or forgot to put the laundry away and instead it got wrinkled. The pain, in your eyes, was welcomed though. The strength he would use to grip your wrists and arms. Sometimes a smack across the face. At least if Charlie hurt you, you wouldn’t have to hurt yourself. 

After debating about it, I decided to let it go and not tell Eric. He was always my protector, and telling him would not only make him mad, it would make him incredibly sad, and I just couldn’t do that to him. Especially since he is opening up his house to me. I would just pretend as if it never happened.   
An hour later you were lounging on your brothers’ couch eating pizza and drinking beer.

“So, now that I’m here, are you going to reveal who you are a publicist for?” I ask as I stretch and get more comfy on the couch. 

“Frank Grillo”, he responds with a smile on his face.

“Seriously? Dead fucking serious, don’t you lie to me Eric. Fucking Crossbones himself’?

I’m honestly a little shocked he never told me before. He knows how much of a huge fan I am of the Marvel Universe; Captain America specifically.

“Hey, you never once asked before”, he chuckles as he raises his hands in the air. “In all honesty, Frank is such a great guy. Super down to earth, you would really like him Em”. 

“Wait, are you saying I get to meet him sometime?”

“Well yeah, he’s coming to the party on Friday. Even though I work for him, we are pretty close. He is one of my closest friends out here”. 

I sit and fidget with my beer bottle, peeling at the label. I wonder if he has met any other cast members from Captain America. I can’t help but give a genuine small smile thinking he has met Cap himself, Chris Evans. 

“I know that smile Em, what is it you want to ask me?”

“Who all have you met from the Captain America movies?” I question as I raise my eyebrows.

“If you’re talking about Chris Evans, then yes, I have met him before”.

“DUDE! What the fucking hell. How could you not tell me this before?” I grab a throw pillow from the couch and throw it in his direction. 

Eric throws his hands in front of his face to deflect the pillow I had thrown him. “Because you never asked, plus, I didn’t want you mad at me knowing I met him while you were stuck back at home”.

My brother has met Chris Evans before. Damn, what a lucky son of a bitch. I don’t want to press any further asking if he is friends with him, or if he only met him once or twice. I would be getting my hopes up, and I don’t want to be disappointed anymore with myself than I already was, so I decide to just drop it.   
I found out Eric had yet to see Stranger Things, and after explaining to him the brilliance of the show, we decided to get comfy and watch it. I got the big couch all to myself, while Eric took the smaller loveseat. I was dead tired from driving so much today. I could feel myself slipping in and out, until finally I succumbed to the darkness. 

Chris’ P.O.V

I spent the last hour searching all over for my favorite pair of sunglasses. Sure, I had a few different pairs, but these were my favorite pair. My mother had gotten them for me for my birthday last year. Thinking back to when I last wore them, I realize I left them at Eric’s house. It was dark when I left, it would make sense that I didn’t think about wearing my sunglasses. 

I notice it’s only 10p.m on Wednesday night, I’m sure Eric would still be up. I pick up my phone and give him a call. 

“Hello?” I hear Eric say in a rather quiet tone. 

“Hey man, sorry, did I wake you?”

“No I’m still up, but Emilia is sleeping on the couch right now, I just don’t want to wake her. She had a pretty long day with the drive and everything.”

“Shit, sorry about that. I was wondering if I left my sunglasses over there last night.”

“Yeah, I have them here on the counter. Why don’t you stop by if you aren’t busy and grab them.”

“Are you sure, I don’t want to trouble you or wake Emilia. I can always grab them tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. She is passed out, even though she’s a light sleeper, I don’t think a tsunami would wake her up at this point.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in five minutes” I say as I hang up the phone, grab my keys, and head over to his house. 

As I get out of my car, I see Eric is already standing on the steps out front. He must not want me ringing the doorbell and change waking Emilia up. I don’t blame him, she’s had a long day and deserves some rest. 

“Come on in, we can head out in the backyard and have some beers” he says as we start walking towards the kitchen. 

I look to my left and see Emilia fast asleep on the couch, the blanket bunched up at her feet. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I first saw her, but I wasn’t expecting her to take my breath away. She was beautiful, in such a natural way. She had beautifully pale skin, and I could see a few freckles scattered across her cheekbones and her nose. Her red hair really standing out against her pale face, and her lips pursed out a little. Although her eyes were closed, I could still see the dark circles she had under her eyes. Poor girl has had it rough the last few days. 

I hear Eric sneak up behind me. “Be careful Evans, if you wake her up, and she finds you looking at her when she is half out it from sleep; be prepared for some kung fu moves and screaming.”

We walk out to the backyard with a few beers in hand, and talk about the party on Friday, and just enjoy the crisp air of an early autumn night in LA.


	4. Chapter 3

When I woke up on Thursday, the first thing I noticed was that I was in the guest house, on the new bed Eric bought me. I know for a fact that I had fallen asleep on the cough inside Eric’s house. I’m not a sleep walker and I’m normally a very light sleeper. Surely I would have woken up if someone carried me here. I guess Eric could have done that, but he just doesn’t seem like he would have enough muscles to do so.

Not dwelling on that thought any longer, I head into the bathroom to relieve myself. While washing my hands, I get a good look at myself in the mirror. Dark circles encase my hazel eyes, and my hair is extremely disheveled.

Tossing my hair into a high ponytail, not wanting to deal with the raging mess on my head, I head into the kitchen. 

“I’m definitely going to have to do some grocery shopping soon” I mutter quietly to myself. 

With nothing to eat or drink from, I decide to walk the few seconds it takes to cross his lawn, and bug my brother. 

As I come close to his back patio door, he is sitting at his island counter drinking coffee.

“Good morning sunshine” he says as I walk through the door. 

“Ugh, you are such a morning person, it’s disgusting” I manage to say while stifling a yawn. 

“Boo hoo, get used to it now that you are living here with me.” 

He’s an ass, but I love him. 

“I have fresh coffee made if you want. Help yourself.”

I cringe when I hear him utter the word coffee. I’ve never been a fan of that stuff; even the smell sometimes makes me want to gag. 

“No thanks, just water is fine. Hey, will you go grocery shopping with me sometime in the next few days? Once my stuff arrives, I’m going to want to be able to cook for myself so I’m not mooching off of you all the time.”

“Yeah, I can do that. We can go Saturday if we aren’t too hung over from the party. You know, I don’t mind you here mooching off of me; otherwise I wouldn’t have invited you to come live with me. But it will be helpful for you to have your own groceries because I tend to work late hours during the week” he says. 

“Sounds like a plan Stan, will we hop off the bus Gus? Make a new key lee, no need to be coy Roy.”

Eric doubles over laughing. “I’ve missed your weirdness of speaking movie and lyric quotes”.

“I try” I say with a smile on my face. Not a real genuine smile, but I perfected looking happy enough to trick people. Nobody can really tell the difference between a genuine smile, and a fake smile from me. Eric might be able to, but I think I have him fooled. 

Time Skip, Late Thursday Night

The rest of my belongings had arrived during the afternoon. Eric and I spend the entire afternoon and well into the evening putting everything into its rightful place. Of course with me being slightly OCD about organization, it took a little longer than it should have. 

Lying in bed, my mind drifts to Charlie; wondering if I will ever be able to recover emotionally from what he did to me. I wonder if I will ever be able to full open my heart to another man. Maybe it’s best to just stay single forever. No one to push my emotions to the brink of my mind feeling like it will explode. Only having myself to blame for my whacked out sensitivity. 

I can’t help but think about Chris Evans as my head becomes heavy with sleep. I remember an interview where he talked about he was a sensitive guy. Huh, maybe I’m not the only person out there. Maybe I’m not alone in this. 

Friday Afternoon

Eric’s P.O.V

I’m a little worried about Emilia and if she is going to be able to handle this party tonight. Maybe it’s too much for her too soon. I know how heartbroken she is over this whole Charlie incident. But man does she hide it well. To the average person, they wouldn’t be able to tell a difference from fake happy Emilia, and her genuine happiness. It’s all in her eyes; that is where you can spot the difference. 

She has our mothers’ eyes. If someone could give my sister any compliment, she will be overjoyed if they say she has beautiful eyes. She considers it her greatest accomplishment in life. 

Right now she is getting ready for the party in the guest house; not knowing Chris will be here any minute to help me set up. Fuck, I truly hope she doesn’t get too mad at me for not warning her sooner. But that is what older brothers are for, to pull stunts like this on their little sisters.

The front door opens and in walks Chris, carrying a bunch of bags. 

“Hey Eric, where do you want me to put all this food?”

“You can just set it on the counter for now. Thanks for coming over early to help me set up”.

“It’s not a problem. It’s not like I had anything going on anyways. Are Renner and Grillo coming tonight”?

“Yep and a few others might show up too. And then there are a bunch of other industry people coming too, some work friends of mine, and I invited my closest neighbors too. That way we don’t have to worry about noise complaints from them since the party will be outside in the backyard.”

“Smart thinking” Chris says as he gives me a thumbs up while walking to the fridge to grab a beer. 

I hear my phone ring and I look down to see Emilia calling me. Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I put my finger up to my lips, letting Chris know to be quiet as I put her on speaker phone. 

“You do realize we live on the same property and it would take you ten seconds to walk your ass over here” I say as Chris shakes with a silent laughter. 

“Hardy har har, you should quit your day job to become a comedian. Anyways asshole, please tell me you have ice over there. I’m kind of getting nervous about tonight and I was going to start my pregame drinking, but alas, no ice”. 

“Yeah come on over, just make sure you’re dressed appropriately” I say trying to hold in my laugh. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m wearing clothes dumbass, I’m not in my pajamas”. 

Chris and I both lost it and barked with laughter the second she called me a dumbass.

“The hell Eric, do you have me on speaker? Is there someone there with you?” she asks with confusion. 

“See you in a jiffy Emilia” I laugh then hang up. 

Emilia’s P.O.V

I stared at my phone after Eric hung up on me. What the hell was that idiot talking about? I slip on my flats, grab my iceless drink and start walking over to the house.   
As I get to the sliding glass door, I notice my brother does in fact have someone there with him. I can’t see who it is, as their back is facing me. But he is wearing a black baseball cap, and a grey tshirt; which looks pretty snug over his wide shoulders and thick arms. 

I walk through the door and see Eric smile and wave at me. I wave back and his friend turns around. 

Chris fucking Evans. I fucking knew it. My dipshit brother will be getting an earful from me tomorrow, that’s for damn sure. 

My head falls back as I take a quick breath and compose myself. “Of. Fucking. Course” I mutter, maybe a bit too loud. 

“Hi, I’m Chris, you must be Emilia” he says as he extends his hand for me to shake. 

“I am” I say shaking my head “but we hug in this family”. 

Chris grins at me, “so does my family, I just didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.”

For the first time in what feels like years, I smile. A genuine smile. We embrace in a hug and what I felt initially shocked me. I felt safe. I felt safe in the arms of another man that was not my brother. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Eric talks about you all the time. All good things though, I promise” Chris says as we break away from our hug. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, big fan” I say, disappointed in myself that I geeked out and didn’t keep my mouth shut on that last part. 

“Well thank you, I do aim to please” he says with a devilish grin. 

“You”, I say pointing to my brother, “have been demoted in the hugging department”.

“You can’t be serious” my brother says with fake sadness taking over his face.

“Oh but I am dear brother. Chris here gives amazing hugs!” Turning to Chris “Has anyone ever told you that you give great hugs?”

His head tilts back as he gives a laugh “actually I have heard that before”. 

The doorbell rings and it breaks my eye contact with Chris. 

“That’s probably the guys here to set up the karaoke stage” my brother says as he excuses himself to grab the door. 

“So, I’m guessing Eric told you about my situation that led me out here to LA” I say as I walk over to the freezer to grab my ice. 

“Yeah, he did mention it. Look, for what it’s worth, I am truly sorry you went through that. Nobody should ever have to go through that.”

“Thanks” I say with a half-hearted smile. 

I take my drink, and take a few big gulps, knowing that I am really going to need this liquid courage as soon as possible. 

Eric walks through the kitchen into the backyard to show the guys where the karaoke stage is for them to set up. 

“Do you like karaoke?” Chris asks me. 

“I do, but my version of karaoke is just me singing alone in the car, or in the shower.”

“Oh come on, you have to try tonight! It is a blast, and it’s quite a freeing experience.”

“We will have to see; I may need quite a few more of these drinks if I’m going to get on a stage and sing in front of a bunch of strangers.”

“At least I’m no longer a stranger, so that’s one less thing you have to worry about” he says giving me a wink.

Oh my fucking god, this guy is going to be the death of me.

We start getting ready and setting up for the party. The karaoke stage towards the corner of the yard, and a table with food and beverages was closer to the front of the house. A few inflatable floating devices were lounging in the pool just waiting for people to use. 

I found it really relaxing just how easy it was to talk to Chris. The conversation between the two of us was flowing easily, and even when it did become silent, it wasn’t awkward. I always found that to be the worst part of meeting new people, that awkward silence. But it never happened and I was relieved. 

The party guests had started arriving and soon the sky was dusted in hues of pinks and oranges. I always found myself at peace during this time of the day; the sky was always so beautiful, like a painting, and I could get lost just staring at it. 

I was standing towards the fence at back of the yard, overlooking the cliffs and bluffs that scattered behind my brother’s house; the mountains in the distance. I’ve always been enamored with mountains. Coming from Minnesota, I never got to see mountains, and I always thought Mother Nature was remarkable in creating such beauty. 

I felt a presence behind me and turned my head to see Chris standing there. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it” he asks quietly. 

A small smile appears on my face as I nod. “It truly is. It’s so different back home, it always amazes me just how much I’ve been missing out by not traveling and seeing what other places have to offer with their views.”

“I’m really enjoying the beautiful view I have right now” Chris says, never taking his eyes off me.

Was Chris Evans, Cap himself flirting with me? Damn, I figured he was a smooth man, but not this smooth. I had to give him credit for that. It was a pretty cheesy line, but I have to admit, I’ve always preferred the cheesy, dorky pickup lines. 

Chris’ P.O.V

I noticed Emilia standing by herself at the back of the yard, looking into the distance. She looked beautiful just standing there. She was wearing ripped black skinny jeans, black flats, and a thin ¾ sleeved white shirt. I noticed she wore lots of bracelets; some on her right wrist, but many more scattered her left wrist. 

I start walking my way towards her, thinking about the last few hours we spent together setting up. She was so easy to talk to. I’ve never met someone right away where the conversation just became natural. With my anxiety, I know it can get in the way; especially regarding meeting new people and having conversations. I’m truly happy that didn’t happen with her. There is just something about her that makes me want to get to know her. The more I look into those beautiful hazel eyes of hers, I just get lost within them. I know she just ended a really long relationship, and I won’t push her at all. Hell, who am I kidding? I don’t even know if she would ever want to date me, or anyone else for that matter. If we can at least be friends, I’d be happy with that. Maybe one day it could turn into something more. 

After talking (and flirting) with Emilia a bit, I noticed she put her arms around herself and gave a slight shiver. 

“Are you cold?” I ask as I lean an arm around her shoulder, trying to warm her up.

“Just a little bit” she says tilting her head to look up at me. “I’m going to run into the guest house and grab a sweater real quick.”

“That sounds good. Why don’t you meet me over by the bar area and we can grab you a drink. I’m getting you up on that karaoke stage at some point tonight.”

She gives me a small laugh and an amused look as she starts walking towards the guest house “We’ll just have to see Evans.”

Looking around as I make my way over to the bar, I see Jeremy Renner and Frank Grillo talking with Eric. After Emilia gets here, I’ll have to take her over there to meet them. 

Standing at the bar mixing my drink, I feel arms wrap around me from behind. I turn around with a big grin on my face, thinking its Emilia, and immediately I scowl. 

“Minka” the disappointment evident in my voice.


	5. Chapter 4

Chris’ P.O.V

“Minka” the disappointment is evident in my voice. “Tell me again why you’re here?”

“Because I was invited silly, and I’ve really missed you Chris. I was hoping we could talk and maybe we can head back to your place afterwards.”

“It’s not going to happen Minka, you know that. The last time we broke up, we decided it would be over for good. So stop trying, please. I’m asking you nicely here.”

“Whatever, it’s your loss anyways” she says in a spiteful way. “By the way, who was that girl you were talking to earlier? I can tell she’s not from around here. She just doesn’t fit in with this scene, and she definitely is not your type; why would you even bother?”

“Jesus Minka, jealous much? First, it’s none of your business who she is. Second, who cares if she doesn’t fit in around here? Not everybody has to look a certain way just to live in California. And third, you don’t even know my type. Just because we dated, doesn’t make you an expert on my life.”

I look passed Minka’s shoulders and see Emilia is talking with her brother and Frank. I said my peace with Minka, and decide to end this conversation. 

“Excuse me” I say as I step around Minka and head over to where Emilia, Eric, and Frank are talking. 

Emilia’s P.O.V

I head into my bedroom to grab a sweater; the autumn air becoming crisp now that the sun has set, and giving me goosebumps. 

Stepping back outside into the fresh air, I spot Chris standing next to a gorgeous woman by the bar. She was wearing black leggings with a red cardigan. Her hands kept touching his shoulders and I felt a tinge of jealousy. I honestly don’t know why I would have felt jealous. I just got out of a seven year relationship, and Chris and I had just met a few hours ago. Maybe I jumped the gun, and thought there could be more at some point with him flirting with me. No, that would never happen. Why would Chris Evans want anything to do with me, when he could have someone gorgeous like the woman he was talking to? I was envious of her body; it was perfect. Skinny and toned. Not wanting my thoughts to haunt me anymore, I see my brother talking to Frank Grillo and decided I had enough liquid courage to meet another actor.

I walk up to my brother who is facing me, Franks back to me. 

“Ahh, there she is! Frank, this is my little sister Emilia” my brother says grabbing for me and pulling me into a side hug.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Emilia” Frank says as he comes in for a hug. 

“It’s nice to meet you Frank. I’m a big fan of your work, especially the Purge movies. You are pretty badass” 

“Well thank you darling. Hey, are you settling in here alright? Your brother isn’t giving you any shit is he; because you know I can fire him.”

I try holding back my laugh, but I’m not managing too well. With the few drinks I’ve already had this evening (and being a light weight I might add) I’m really starting to loosen up.

“No Frank, he’s not giving me too much shit, just the normal amount a brother would give his sister.”

“Alright good, you know you can always come to me if you need someone to put him in his place” Frank says as he grips onto my brothers shoulders.

“I think I can manage, but I appreciate that and will keep it in the back of my mind if I do need your help” I give him a wink.

All of a sudden, music starts up, and we all turn to the karaoke stage. Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson are on stage and soon start singing “Rocky Raccoon” by The Beatles. 

“I didn’t even realize either of them was here” I say to my brother, giving him a look in awe. 

“Starting to get a little star struck dear sister?”

“I think the whole star struck thing went out the door when I saw Chris sitting in your kitchen, which I am a little pissed at you for that. You could have warned me about it first” I smack him lightly on the arm.

“I am sorry for that. But what do you say about doing a round of karaoke with me? We can do a duet, our song? What do you say?”

“Ugh, fine, I will, but you so owe me for not warning me about Chris and you can make it a double since I’m getting on that stage with you.”

“Yes” he says as he raises his arm in the air, as if he won a victory. I guess in a way he did. 

Eric runs off to put our names on the list along with the song we will be singing. Ever since the song came out, it was dubbed “our song” and we always loved singing it back and forth to each other. Sighing, I head over to the bar to grab another drink, knowing it would help my nerves even more. 

As I’m walking, I feel someone lightly grab my elbow. Turning around, I see Chris standing there.

“Hey stranger, what’s up?” I ask. 

“Nothing, was just going to see if you wanted that drink still?”

“Oh god, yes please! Eric just signed us up for karaoke as a duet, and I’m going to need to down a drink real quick” I say, my nerves really starting to kick in. 

After we get myself a drink, Chris pulls me in for a side hug, trying to calm me from my nerves. I just don’t get it, it’s like we have known each other for years with the way we act towards each other. It’s as if he can read my mind, and know exactly what it is that will help ease my nerves.

I give Chris one of my genuine smiles, and it’s as if he can notice it’s real; as if he can see into my soul. He looks at me as though he is looking deep into my soul and mind. I can see a hint of sadness to his eyes; in such a way that he knows what I do behind closed doors. That he knows what I do when I need to control my emotions. The razor blade to my wrist; the blood coming to the surface of the cut.

Eric breaks me from my thoughts when I hear him yell “We’re up next Emilia”. 

Chris gives me a gentle squeeze and whispers in my ear “You’ll do great.”

It feels as though I’ve only blinked and I’m already on the karaoke stage with a microphone in my hand, my brother to my right. 

Avicii’s “Hey Brother” starts playing over the speaker and I start singing. 

Hey, brother, there’s an endless road to re-discover. 

Eric immediately singing to the next phrase that pops up on the screen.

Hey, sister, know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker. 

Then we both start singing the next few sentences. 

Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,

There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do. 

Eric and I keep going back and forth on our respective parts, and singing the other lines and chorus together in unison. I can’t help but look into the crowd that has formed as they are cheering us on. I look over to see Chris standing with Jeremy Renner as they clap and I smile at their cheerfulness of it all. 

Hey, brother, do you still believe in one another?

Hey, sister, do you still believe in love I wonder?

Oh, if the sky comes down for you,   
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.   
What if I’m far from home?  
Oh, brother, I will hear you call.  
What if I lose it all?  
Oh, sister, I will help you out!  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,   
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.   
Hey, brother, there’s an endless world to re-discover.   
Hey, sister, do you still believe in love I wonder?  
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,   
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.   
What if I’m far from home?  
Oh, brother, I will hear you call.   
What if I lose it all?  
Oh, sister, I will help you out.   
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,   
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do. 

The song comes to an end and I take a bow, Eric laughing at my silliness. The crowd applauding and hollering at us after our performance. 

I walk through the crowd of people to find Chris with Renner standing close to the deep end of the pool. Chris scoops me up in his arms when I reach him. 

“You did amazing up there Emilia! I’m proud of you.”

Before I can even answer him, I see the brunette haired woman Chris was talking to earlier come walking over. I feel a hard nudge in my shoulder, and in my somewhat drunken and elated state of mind, I go crashing into the pool next to me.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to say thank you all for reading! I never would have imagined to get even 50 hits on this, let alone almost 300. You guys are all amazing! This will be the last chapter that I write from the different character P.O.V. Starting at chapter 6, it will strictly be from Emilia's P.O.V!

Chris’ P.O.V

Watching Eric and Emilia doing karaoke together is one of the best things I have ever seen. They have such great chemistry as brother and sister, and they are so in sync with each other. They were doing their own dance moves, and pointing to each other during their individual parts. It had seemed as if they have been doing this for years. 

Emilia mentioned she was nervous, but I couldn’t tell. She was a natural on stage, and had a beautiful singing voice too. Renner and I were cheering them on and we each had our phones out, swaying them in the air back and forth to the tune. 

Once the two of them finished their song, Emilia came strutting over to us. I scooped her up in a big hug and gave her praise over her amazing job. 

I saw she gave a disconcerting glance over my shoulder. It happened so fast, none of us saw it coming. The last thing I saw before Emilia went tumbling into the pool was Minka smirking at me over her shoulder as she walked passed. 

Emilia’s P.O.V

One minute I’m scooped up in Chris’ arms getting that wonderful protective hug that I loved so much, and the next minute I’m sputtering up water and trying to catch my breath after resurfacing from water. 

I look around as I tread water since I just so happened to be in the deep end; everyone standing around looking worried and asking if I was ok. 

“I’m fine” I manage to say as I start swimming towards the shallow end. I look up to see Chris extending his hand to help me up when I reach into my back pocket and realize I don’t have my phone on me. 

Turning around, I start walking towards the deep end of the pool again. 

“Em, what are you doing?” I hear both Eric and Chris ask at the same time.

“My phone must be at the bottom of the pool, I have to get it.”

“Don’t bother Em, we’ll just get you a new one; it’s probably dead now” Eric says to me.

“It’s a Samsung Galaxy S8, it’s waterproof.”

I dive back down and open my eyes, wincing from the sting of the chlorine. Looking at the bottom, I find my phone and grab it. I decide to stay underwater as I swim all the way towards the shallow area. I resurface again and head out of the pool, both Eric and Chris right there waiting for me. 

“Em, seriously, are you ok? You didn’t hit your head or anything did you?” Eric asks with concern. 

“I’m ok, really Eric, stop badgering me, please. I’m not a little girl anymore, I can handle it.”

He just looks at me with sadness in his eyes, knowing exactly what I’m going through. I went through this in high school; all four years. 

“I’m just going to go change, I’ll be out in a bit” I say as I walk away and head into the guest house. 

I make it as far as my bedroom door before I pause; my hand gripping the door frame for support. And by gripping, I mean white knuckle gripping. 

Memories of high school flooding into my mind and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My breaths becoming more and more shallow as I struggle to regain myself. The bullying. The name calling. The tormenting I received in high school, all rushing back to me. It never ends. I always thought people would grow out of that kind of behavior once they were older, but here I am, getting the brunt end of things again. 

I wanted, no, needed, to find that release. To feel anything other than these fucking emotions coming back to me. But I felt like I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed; just standing in the doorway. 

I willed myself to start walking into my bathroom, staggering bit by bit. Tears no longer being held back, but flowing freely; choking sobs breaking through my voice. 

I shut the door and make damn sure to lock it, not wanting to have anybody walk in on what I’m about to do. I turn the shower on, to try and drown out some of the blubbering I’m doing. 

I reach into the drawer and grab my razor, hiding in the far back, wrapped in a rag I use to clean up afterwards. 

I sit down against the wall and start to take off the shit ton of bracelets I have scattered across my left wrist. 

Taking the razor in my hand, I cut; deeper than I ever have before. I feel the sudden release I was looking for and craved more. I cut a few more lines, and sigh in relief when the deed was done. My emotions were at an all-time high; I would have rated it 10/10. But now they were at a more stable 4/10. I could work with that as they wouldn’t be constantly invading my head the rest of the night. 

I hear a knock on my bathroom door and immediately freeze, razor still in my hand, and blood seeping from my recent activity. 

“Emilia, it’s me, Chris, I just came to check in on you and see if you were doing ok” he says with genuine care and concern within his voice. 

My heart breaks at who it is. Here I am, sitting in my own blood from slicing myself like damn meat butcher, and Chris is on the other side hoping I was ok. I didn’t deserve this kind of thoughtful attention from anyone. Nobody should have to waste their time on me. I’m broken; not only do I not merit this kind of worry from anyone; why would anyone want to take their time out to do so?

“You really didn’t have to do that Chris, I’ll be right out, I promise.”

“Is it alright with you if I wait out here in the living room for you?”

“If that’s what you want to do Chris, I don’t mind” I say with a shaking voice. 

Luckily I am OCD and plan things ahead, so I already had a pair of clean underwear, sweatpants, and a hoodie in the bathroom with me for when I was going to shower later tonight. I put everything on, and try combing out the tangled mess on me head; throwing it up into a bun afterwards. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time, I head out to the living room to meet Chris. 

Chris’ P.O.V

I tried knocking on Emilia’s front door, but I didn’t get an answer. I noticed the door was unlocked, so I walked in quietly.

“Emilia, are you in here?” I ask, hoping not to scare her. 

I didn’t hear her response, so I started walking through, knowing exactly where to go. I had live here with Eric for a few weeks before I bought the house I currently own. 

Walking into the bedroom, I see her bathroom door closed and hear the water running. Lightly knocking on the door, I ask if she’s doing alright. 

After I get her response and asking if I could wait for her, I head back the way I came and take a seat on her couch. She has a few pictures in frames hanging up, mainly of her and Eric when they were younger. I notice she has a small table in the corner of the room; being curious, I amble over to it. 

On the table there are a couple of pictures, and a wooden box. There is one picture of a woman, and one of a dog. The woman looks familiar as I’m pretty sure Eric has the same picture in his house; it must be their mother. 

I hear Emilia clear her throat and I turn around. She’s dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie; her hair in a messy bun atop her head. In my eyes, she couldn’t have looked any more beautiful. Except her eyes were red and puffy, I wished I could take her pain away from her. 

“That is my mother, and here, is a picture of my dog. She meant everything to me. I had to put her down a few months ago” Emilia says as she picks up the photo of her dog.   
I knew the feeling, having to put East down a few years ago was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. 

“Come here” I say to her as I pull her in for a hug. 

I held her close as she wrapped her arms around my torso. I gently rubbed my hands up and down her back, trying to sooth her. 

“Did you happen to see who did it?” Emilia asks as she still holds onto me. 

“Yeah I did.”

I pull away and cup her face in my hands; using my thumbs to wipe away the few stray tears leaving her eyes. 

“It was Minka who did it. I’m so sorry Emilia; she had no right to do what she did. She’s just jealous of you, and I wasn’t giving her any attention.”

I can see the confusion come across Emilia’s face; commotion in her eyes as she tries to find reason to what I just said. 

“What do you mean jealous of me? How could someone like her be jealous of someone like me? I’m a nobody Chris. Just someone who blends into the background, hiding in the corner of a crowded room.”

“You may see yourself as that way, but I surely don’t. You are beautiful Emilia, inside and out. Just from getting to know you these past few hours I can see you have a passionate heart, which is hard so hard to find in people these days.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better” she says as she backs away from me.

I hang my head in defeat, knowing it is going to take much more to convince her otherwise.


	7. Chapter 6

Your heart was breaking with each passing minute you stood there with Chris. He was telling you how beautiful you were, but you were never one to accept compliments from people; because you just couldn’t believe them. 

You couldn’t believe that you were beautiful; you always just thought you were average. You did believe you had a passionate heart however. Helping others and making others happy always came first to you. 

How could anyone honestly call you beautiful, with the scars on your wrist, stretch marks across your legs, along with cellulite? Sure, hearing those words from Chris made your heart flutter a bit, but he was just saying these things because you were his friends little sister right? He was just trying to make you feel better; isn’t that what all friends of brothers are supposed to do?

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better” you mutter with a silent gasp. 

“Ems, do you really think that way of me?” Chris says as he uses his finger to lift your chin so that he can look into your eyes. 

“I just don’t want you to waste your time with me.”

“I wouldn’t be wasting my time. I understand you just got out of a long relationship, and I’m not pushing you for anything other than friendship ok? I mean we can always see where it leads in the future, but I’m leaving that up to you and keeping it at your pace” Chris says, a glint in his eyes. “There is just something about you Ems, I can’t explain it. I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

“It’s scary isn’t it? Having feelings that you can’t quite explain, welcome to my life Chris” you say giving him somewhat of a chuckle. “You’re right though on a few things. I did just get out a long relationship and I don’t honestly know if and when I’d be able to give my heart to someone again. However, there is also something about you that I can’t put my finger on, but I feel safe around you, and it scares me.”

“Hey, hey look at me” he says cupping my face again, “there is no reason for you to feel scared about anything. Like you said before, these feelings, we sometimes can’t explain them. But let’s just take things slow, and see where they go. Does that sound alright with you?”

You give him a soft smile, nodding your head yes. 

The two of you are interrupted by a quick knock on your door and then your brother walking in. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t interrupting was I?” he asks; his face looking a little embarrassed.

“Nope”, you say, popping the P. “Chris was just helping me out, calming me down a bit. Should we get back to the party?”

“Actually, I just came in to say that people are starting to head out.”

“Fuck, I didn’t ruin it did I? Damnit, I’m sorry Eric, I didn’t mean to.”

Eric strolls over to you with his arms outstretched to give you a hug. Of course it was your fault, you could never do anything right. Now you felt like shit, not only embarrassing yourself by getting knocked into the pool, but for ruining your brothers’ party. 

“Calm down Em, you know it wasn’t your fault. Everyone was really worried about you. You have to stop blaming yourself for things you didn’t do.”

“Sorry” you say looking down, shame on your face as if you were scolded like a child. 

“I’m going to wait until tomorrow to clean up; I’m too beat to deal with that shit tonight. You know where to find me if you need me Em. What about you Chris, you going to head out too?”

Chris looks over to you, and can see your eyes pleading for him to stay just a little longer. He gives you that drop dead smirk that makes your knees go weak.

“I think I’m actually going to hang out with Ems here for a little bit longer” he says pulling you in for a hug.

“Ems huh? Giving my little sister nicknames I see. Well, keep it PG kids” your brother says as he walks out the front door, head shaking back and forth. 

“Movie?” you ask as you start walking towards your couch. 

“Sure, what are you in the mood for?”

“Horror” you reply nonchalantly. 

Chris out a laugh and did his infamous left boob grab. “Horror? Are you shitting me? I would have never guessed that. Most girls are squeamish around those types of movies.”

“Well I’m not like most girls Evans.”

“Oh don’t I know it” he says as he gives you a wink.

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Maybe, do you like it when I flirt with you?”

“Maybe” you say, but it comes out pretty obvious with the smile on your face.

You may not care to hear compliments from people, but Chris flirting with you was on a whole different level. The way he made your heart flutter and your face tint red with blush was something you’ve never experienced before. Maybe he was just the person you needed to be around. You felt as if he might be the person to break away the concrete wall you had surrounding your heart. Hell, it already feels as if he chipped away a few of the layers. 

Getting the movie set up, you both get comfy on the couch. Chris has his legs spread out on the coffee table in front of you, and you are curled up in a ball in the corner; the blanket covering you up. 

“Blanket hog” Chris says, giving you puppy dog eyes and his lower lip sticking out. 

“Take some then you big baby.”

He gives you a devilish grin, and you instantly regret saying anything.

He throws the blanket off you of, and picks up your legs to lay them over his legs. Grabbing the blanket, he lays it so it’s spread over both of you. His hands immediately going to your feet, and you know what’s to come. 

“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare!”

Ignoring your words, he starts to tickle your feet and you are squirming within seconds; laughter and pleading leaving your lips. 

“Feeling better yet?” he asks eyebrows quirked in the air.

“Oh hush you.”

You don’t know if it’s the amount of alcohol in your system, or if it is just being near Chris that is making you start to relax, but either way, you don’t care. You didn’t feel relaxed too much in your life, and you weren’t about to dwell on it. 

Internally sighing at the feeling, you lean your body towards Chris some more. He notices your action and pulls his arm up and around your shoulder so you can cuddle closely to him. 

Your mind is telling you that this is all wrong, that it’s just too soon to move on; but your heart tells you differently. Your heart tells you this is the right thing, that this is what you need to mend a broken heart. It is true though, you can’t help the way you feel towards others, even if it seems wrong. 

The biggest question you have to answer now is will you listen to your mind, or your heart?


	8. Chapter 7

Have you ever felt so many emotions at once, but have had to hide behind a mask of normalcy? Do you know what happens when you stuff all your emotions aside; not being able to act upon said emotions? You explode. The smallest thing can set you off. Stubbing your toe, hearing someone complain, a bird chirping while you’re trying to sleep; can all set off an explosion within your mind, and all those emotions you didn’t act on, come crashing down at once. It’s not a fun experience; you would know, you’ve been there before. Hell, you’ve lost your voice from screaming in frustration before. 

You didn’t know how to explain the events of last night as you kept running through them in your mind. Were you utterly embarrassed by taking an involuntary dive into the pool? Fuck yes. Were you completely mystified with the way Chris was trying to comfort you; him being legitimately concerned? Double fuck yes. 

You still were trying to figure it all out. Sure, when you first meet someone and are getting to know someone, you seem normal, happy even. But once the door is opened, and they see the turbulent person you truly are, they run for the hills. It’s a pretty accurate statement, seeing as you didn’t really have any friends; they just couldn’t handle you.   
You are the type of person that uses all their energy to make those around you happy and you leave your own self in the dust. Of course it almost always backfires on you; leaving you in emotional turmoil and having to deal with it yourself. 

Chris wanted to help you, fix you even. He didn’t say it in as many words, but you could tell. You were always able to read people that way. The question still remains as to why. You both talked last night and you were in the same boat. Neither one of you knowing why you felt this instant connection with each other, but he said he wouldn’t push you. He didn’t want you running straight into a relationship when you just weren’t ready yet.

But were you ready? Your mind and heart telling you two different things; breaking you into two. Logic and emotions never co-existed for a reason. 

A war was raging inside your head and you needed a distraction from the pressure. You just used your razor last night, and did a pretty good number on yourself; you didn’t really want to do it again so fast. You were starting to become dependent on doing so, and you didn’t want an incident to occur like last time. 

Yes, you cut too deep along the vein, and ended up in a hospital under psychiatric care. You’ve thought about suicide many times, playing out what would happen in your mind; how everyone would react to it happening. But you weren’t trying to do it that time; things just got a bit carried away. 

You hear your phone chime; notifying you of a text and look down to see it’s from Chris. Fuck, it’s like he’s a goddamn psychic or something. He’s always there at the right moment you need him. 

Biting your now smiling lip, you unlock your phone. 

Chris: Good morning Ems. How’d you sleep last night?

Ems: Really good considering I fell asleep on the couch curled up against a certain someone ;) But I’m still trying to figure out how I ended up in my bed haha

Chris: You looked really comfortable and I didn’t want to wake you up so I just carried your ass to bed 

Chris: It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve done it ;)

What is he talking about; not the first time he’s carried me to bed? It takes you a millisecond to realize what he’s talking about. Your first night here, you fell asleep on Eric’s couch, yet somehow woke up in your own bed.

Ems: You are a sneaky bastard aren’t you Evans?

Chris: hahaha you love it admit it

Ems: I admit nothing Evans. Nothing.

Chris: I have a feeling one day you will! What are you up to today?

Ems: Eric is taking me grocery shopping in a little bit. Then possibly doing some baking later on.

Chris: Cookies? Are you going to be baking cookies? 

Ems: ……  
Chris: oh come on Ems!! Don’t leave me hangin here. You gotta tell a man if you’re making cookies.

Ems: Maybe I am, maybe I’m not :p

Chris: Well maybe I’m stopping by later to find out then

Ems: I wouldn’t be opposed to that

What the fuck. Where the hell are you getting this boost of confidence from? Of course the ever constant doubt is nagging in the back of your mind, but still. You’ve never been known to show this much confidence in terms of anything flirtatious. 

A knock on your door broke you out of your concentration. You walked the short distance from your kitchen to the front door and upon opening it saw your brother standing on the other side. 

You saw the apprehensiveness on his face and asked him to come on in. 

“Can we talk about a few things real quick before we go get groceries?” he mentioned, nervousness lacing his voice.

“Uh, sure, what’s up?”

“Look, I know I can be a bit protective of you seeing as your my baby sister and all, but I want to make it clear that I don’t want to dictate your life in any which way.”

You give him a rather perplexed glance, wondering what all this was about.

“OOkkkaayyyyy?” you draw out. 

“Chris is a great gu”, he begins but you immediately cut him off raising your hands in defense. 

“Really Eric, we’re going to talk about Chris? Or are you trying to parent me by saying this is all too soon or some shit like that? I know it’s soon, and he and I talked about this last night alright! We aren’t rushing into anything. We’re letting nature take its course and just seeing where it goes” you say, a little miffed that he was pulling the big brother card on you. 

You are a grown woman, and whether this will end up being a mistake, then whatever. Live and let learn. You’ve made many mistakes in your life; you dealt with them in your own way, and here you were. 

“Can you let me speak now?” a soft chuckle coming from him. “Like I was trying to say, Chris is a great guy Emilia. He’s passionate, and I personally think he would be good for you. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be ok with everything. I know how you jump into things sometimes because you have such a big heart. I wanted to make sure you were ready and weren’t rushing. So I’m glad to hear you two talked about it. But that brings up another thing I was going to ask.”

You glance at him, a little weary because you knew what he was going to ask. 

“Are you going to tell him about the past? About what you did to end up in the psychiatric ward? I’m only asking because he’s an actor Em. He’s in the spotlight, and if what you two have does happen to go further, sooner or later you will be in the limelight and the fucking paparazzi love finding this kind of shit and exploiting people.”

Of course your family knew about the self-harming you did in the past; but nobody knows that you have continued to use it as your method of relieving your emotions. How could you tell anybody? They would be embarrassed to be associated with you. They would all think you were a nutcase and Chris would definitely not want anything to deal with you. 

“To be honest Eric, I haven’t really thought about it. But you make a good point about paparazzi digging up the past. Let me think about it alright? And thanks for having my back on this and not being an annoying big brother and trying to stop this from happening.”

Your brother moves forward to wrap you in his arms. “Please, no matter what I say I will always be your annoying big brother.”

You both start laughing, and you had to admit, it felt good to laugh again. You missed the feeling. 

“One more thing before we head out” he says as he pulls away from you, “I have to go to New York with Frank for a week while he’s doing some work out there. I feel really bad leaving you right after you get here, but it’s for work.”

You shake your head at him, knowing he has a job and you wouldn’t dream of stopping him from it. 

“It’s totally fine Eric, I’ll keep myself busy here. I wanted to get myself familiar with the city anyways. What better way to do it than driving around and getting lost!”

“Haha, and I’m sure Chris will be around if you need too. He actually lives really close, only a few minutes away. But enough about that lets so get some groceries and stock up your kitchen!

And with that, you and your brother headed to the supermarket to stock up on everything you could possibly need for you kitchen. You also made sure to get all the baking supplies and goodies you needed for the cookies you planned on making later today. 

Things were finally starting to feel normal; at least normal for you. Your idea of normal in your mind was probably similar to what regular people thought chaos was. The party wasn’t the best way to get introduced to LA, but right now you felt content in your life. You could only hope it lasted a long time; hoped your world wouldn’t come crashing down around you.


	9. Chapter 8

While you were out getting groceries with Eric, he found out he was actually going to be leaving tonight instead of tomorrow with Frank; so you finished up your shopping, unpacked the groceries in your kitchen, and said your goodbyes. 

It would be a lonely week without your brother here, especially in a brand new city, but at the same time, you kind of liked being by yourself to figure things out. No distractions around really helped you to clear out your mind and that’s exactly why you moved out here in the first place anyways. 

Deciding you didn’t want to make cookies quite yet, you paced over to your couch and lay down, hoping to get a little nap in. The events of the last few days catching up to you and you were exhausted. 

The incident at the party; you and Chris discussing what might become between the two of you. You were seriously frightened by your relationship with Chris. Sure, you were just friends for now, but you only knew the guy for a day. Things like that just didn’t happen; did they? Of course you’ve heard the phrase “love at first sight”, but come on that was just a myth wasn’t it? 

You had never felt such strong feelings towards someone upon meeting them. You already felt emotions and feelings more strongly than the normal person; being sensitive and all. But did you really want to add to all that? Your mind screaming no, don’t do it you idiot, your heart pleading yes, take the plunge, you need someone who will be good to you.   
Ugh, now a headache was forming just thinking about all of this. Closing your eyes, you drift to sleep, hoping to wake up to a clearer mind. 

Looking into Chris’ eyes, you just become lost in them. Lost in the sea of blue, as blue as the ocean you are currently at, nestled between his legs, lounging on the beach. You are relaxed in his strong grip as you keep gazing into his eyes. 

Chris gives you that boyish grin you can’t help but love. He licks his lips as his eyes gaze down towards yours. Feeling slightly shy and nervous you start biting your lip, a tick you’ve always had when you became nervous.

“You need to stop doing that Emilia” he says in his husky voice, making your heart flutter and your stomach clench at the sound.

“Why don’t you make me” you banter back with your eyes quirked up. 

He gives you an “oh really” look, and you know you’re done for. 

He slowly, ever so slowly, starts leaning towards you; a look of pure lust on his face. His forehead reaches yours and rests there for a moment. Your lips are so close; you wanted him, all of him. 

Your lips touch for the briefest of seconds before the noise jolts you two back. Was that a hurricane warning?

You lurch awake and almost fall off the couch as your phone chiming wakes you. Fuck, if your nap was supposed to clear your mind, that dream clearly made it worse.   
You rose from your comfy couch to find your phone sitting on the kitchen counter, a text from Chris waiting for you.

Chris: Wheres maaahhh cooookkkiiieeesss???

You can’t help but double over laughing hysterically at the text.

Emilia: Sooo should I stop calling you Chris now and start calling you Cookie Monster??

Chris: I give you permission to call me whatever you want as long as I get some home baked cookies. Eric tells me they’re amazing

Emilia: I just woke up from a nap. Gonna start baking now. You know where to find me ;)

Chris: A nap? Slacker

Emilia: don’t make me lock my door on you Evans!!!

Chris: ;) see you soon beautiful

You don’t know how long you just stood there staring at the last text he sent you. You knew Chris was a flirtatious person by just talking to him. You knew you guys were just friends for the time being, maybe taking it to the next step; when you were ready of course. But for him to tell you you’re beautiful; you just didn’t know how to handle it. You weren’t used to compliments; you never accepted them with ease. But this felt different to you. It felt easier to accept, it felt like he meant it. 

Not wanting to continue with the thought any longer, you wander into the kitchen and start pulling out everything you need for your cookies. You also needed some music, so you put your playlist on shuffle and plugged it into the Bluetooth speaker. 

Baking was another one of your distractions t use to relieve the pressure and stress of your emotions and feelings. While it was way safer than the alternative you had, there wasn’t always a kitchen, or time, to just bake your feelings away. 

You were hard at work, mixing up all your ingredients when there was a knock on your door.

“It’s open” you yell over the sound of your music. 

“Honey I’m home” Chris says as he opens the door and walks in. 

You give a sound somewhere between a snort and a chuckle, “Cute, real cute.”

“I thought so” he exclaimed, give you a wink. 

When he came closer, your heart immediately started pounding; your mind racing back to the dream you had. Chris was a damn fine man, and you wouldn’t mind kissing those lips. You were actually a bit peeved your dream was cut short. 

“Anything I can help you with?” he asks, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Not right now. But you can help with the sprinkles in a little bit. So just park your ass on the chair right there” you point, gesturing to one of the stools at the island counter you were working at. 

“Yes Ma’am.”

You get back to mixing your ingredients into your bowl. Missio’s “Middle Fingers” song starts to play in the background and you can’t help but sing lightly to the song. You sort of deemed the song your new anthem with the way your life was going. 

I am tired of seeing pretty people everywhere  
I am not a model middle fingers in the air.  
I used to drink whiskey now I’m stuck with Perrier  
I’m an alcoholic middle fingers in the air.   
I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!  
I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!  
I don’t like the music other people tend to share  
Hate your loser lyrics middle fingers in the air  
I’m a starving artist, nowhere close to millionaire  
I prefer my kia middle fingers in the air  
I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!  
I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!  
I’m a simple loner who the hell thinks that I care  
I am not the party middle fingers in the air

The song fades and you stop singing and shaking your hips to the song. You were so lost in the lyrics of the song that you completely forgot Chris was sitting right there, watching you the entire time. 

“Oops, got a bit carried away with the song, sorry” you mention as you duck your head in embarrassment. 

“I didn’t mind, especially the view.”

“Of course you didn’t” you say to him, sticking your tongue out afterwards. “Are you ready for some sprinkles?”

“Am I ready for sprinkles?? That’s the best part!!” he says, rubbing his hands together as he walks over to your side of the kitchen. 

He takes the sprinkles in his hands, and starts decorating the cookies with them. You can’t help but slip a small smile to your lips, loving the way Chris looks domestic standing here baking cookies with you. Your mind starts to drift, thinking what a relationship with Chris would really be like. You know it can’t be easy being in the spotlight, and having your relationship out in the public. Chris was a pretty private person when it came to his relationships, but you knew at some point in time it would get out to the public.   
You’re also still battling with whether or not to tell him about what Eric mentioned. Even if you and Chris remain just friends, he has a right to know, being in the public eye and all. 

“Penny for your thoughts” Chris asks, breaking you free from your thoughts for what felt like the millionth time. “You seem distracted. You ok Ems?” 

“Umm yeah. Sorry about that. Ahh, did-did Eric men-mention anything to you. About me? And my past maybe?” you stammer a bit, a little nervous about the whole ordeal.   
“Just about what happened with Charlie, and about you guys growing up.” He turns to face you, placing his hands on your slightly trembling shoulders, a strained look upon his face. “Ems, what’s wrong?”

You notice your eyes are starting to blur. Fuck, why is it every time you are around Chris, you can’t keep your emotions in check? You are always stoic and mask your emotions perfectly, but when you’re around Chris, your walls break down and your become vulnerable. 

“There’s something I have to tell you. About my past. But I don’t know if-if I’m ready to tell you yet Chris. I’m not ready for the repercussions.”

Chris pulls you into his arms, trapping you with them. You let out shaky, uneven breaths, tears starting to blur your vision even more.

He rubs his hands up and down your back in a soothing way as you hiccup into his chest. 

You shakily take your arms out from around yourself and grab onto his back, gripping his shirt.

“Sshhh whatever it is I’m here for you Ems. You know that. I know we’ve talked about this yesterday, and I’m still standing behind it. I have never, not once, felt an instant connection with someone like I did with you. Remember that you are setting the pace Ems. This may sound cheesy as fuck, but I’ll wait for you.” 

He kisses the top of your head and just holds his lips there. 

Safe. You feel safe again, in his arms. 

“Thank you” you mutter out quietly, afraid of what your voice would do at this point. 

“It’s not a problem sweetie” a smile appearing on his face. 

You hear your phone go off with a text. You don’t want to leave Chris’ arms, but you know it might be Eric and you want to make sure he made it to the airport safely.   
“I’m sorry, it might be Eric” you say grabbing your phone. 

Looking at the text, you let you a deep sigh. “Great, just great” you say, throwing your phone onto the couch and walking outside, needing some fresh air. 

You go to your favorite part of the yard, the spot overlooking the hills and bluffs of LA. 

You hear Chris come up behind you and decide to keep your focus straight ahead of you.

“Everything ok?” he asks concerned.

“Turns out Eric won’t be gone for a week, but for the rest of the month. He won’t be returning until the end of October. He feels really bad leaving me here by myself, but I know it’s his job.” You turn to face Chris, sadness in your face knowing you were going to be alone for an entire month, not just a week. “I’m not mad at him at all, I’m angry at myself thinking him and I would have all the time in the world to catch up when I move out here.”

“If it’s any consolation, you got me!” Chris says, the cheeky grin on his face immediately putting a smile onto yours. “I needed a break so I made sure not to pick up any projects. I have a few interviews and photoshoots here and there, but other than that, I don’t have any projects lined up March of next year.” He lifts your chin to meet his gaze. “You won’t be alone Ems, you have me.”

Your heart melts at the intensity of the gaze he gives you. You can’t help but looked pleased.

“Come on beautiful, let’s go eat some cookies.”

He extends his hand for you to take, and you graciously place your smaller hand into his. The two of you stroll back into your house, all traces of sadness and anger gone; replaced with joy and peacefulness.


	10. Chapter 9

Things were going great for you, for once in your life. While being around Chris made you vulnerable (you just still couldn’t understand how your walls came down when he was around), your emotions and feelings didn’t feel as heightened. At least not the sadness, anger, grief, or embarrassment which you felt on a regular basis. No, the feelings and emotions you were now feeling were those of happiness, joy, and peace. 

It was amazing to feel this way, but at the same time, you didn’t know if it would last. Maybe the second you and Chris get really comfortable around each other, the negative emotions would start to make an appearance. You really hoped they wouldn’t though. That was how you lost a lot of friends; they couldn’t keep up with your ever changing moods. 

It had been a week since Eric left, and so far so good. You saw Chris almost on a daily basis. He would either come over to your house, and you would watch movies and chat for hours on end. The conversation flowing easily as if you two had known each other for years. 

The flirting between the two of you was still going strong too. That man knew how to make your heart skip a beat or two. He also knew what to say to make you blush like a little girl. The small touching gestures he always gave you made your knees go weak. The way he placed his hand on the small of your back, resting his hand over your knee while watching a movie; it made you flustered in such a good way. 

You felt like you were maybe ready to talk to him about taking the next step. Sure, it’s been a week, but you wanted to listen to your heart on this one. You wanted someone to protect you, to cherish you. You haven’t felt that way in so forever; you longed to feel that way. 

When you weren’t with Chris, you were always thinking about him. It seemed as if you were a school girl, falling for your crush. But this felt so much more than that. This was starting to feel more right, and less wrong. 

Chris had an interview and photoshoot tomorrow, so you planned on driving around parts of LA to try and get more acquainted with the city. 

Deciding you had a rather big eventful day ahead of you tomorrow (mainly getting lost and trying to find your way back home) you started getting ready for bed. 

Heading into your bathroom, you turn your shower on and let it get to the right temperature before you stripped your clothes and stepped in. You stood there, letting the water cascade down your body, feeling completely relaxed. 

Grabbing your shower wash, you happen to notice the scabs on your left wrist have almost all fallen off. You felt proud of yourself for going a week without cutting. It doesn’t seem like much, but a week can be a mile-stone for you. 

Once you’re all squeaky clean, you dry off with your towel and throw your fuzzy robe around you. Nestled within the confines of your fuzzy robe, you let out a sigh of content.   
Making your way to your bedroom, you turn on the television for some background noise, and drift into a peaceful sleep. 

The near constant chirping of birds wakes you early the next morning. Looking at the clock you see it’s 9 in the morning. Groaning, you roll your face back into the pillow and yell “NO! It’s too early!!” 

You’re a night owl, staying up until well 3 in the morning on most days. Grumbling, you almost half-fall, half-stumble out of bed and relieve yourself of your morning duties in the bathroom. 

As you reach for your phone, you notice you have a few missed texts. You open up Eric’s text and instantly laugh seeing the picture he sent you. Eric was taking a selfie of him fake crying with Frank giving off a devilish grin in the background. 

Eric: Emilia!! Save me from Frank!!! He’s being a slave driver.

Deciding to respond, you hit reply.

Emilia: Sorry bro, you took that job, I’m staying out of it. But say hi to Frank for me 

The next text few texts were from Chris. 

Chris: Good morning sleepyhead! I’m off to my photo shoot and interview but you’re probably still sleeping. Slacker ;)

He also sent you a selfie. It was a picture of him in his car, sunglasses down towards the end of his nose so you can see his eyes and hair all disheveled as if he just woke up. He captioned it with “how do I look?” You looked at the time when he sent the photo and the bed head makes sense. It was from 6:15am. 

You wander to your living room and plop down on the couch and decide to go through your social media. While you’re scrolling through Twitter, you see a news article about Chris. Not thinking anything of it, you open the story to read it and are horrified by what you see. 

Minka and Chris, sitting in his car, both smiling; the headline reading “Are Chris and Minka Back On? It Sure Looks That Way!” You looked at the date of the story, and sure enough, it was posted an hour ago. Sure, the logical thing would be that the story is false; the picture is from when they dated many years ago. But you knew different. Not only was he wearing the same shirt from the picture he sent you this morning, he was wearing one of your bracelets he took from you a couple days ago.

He had questioned why you wore so many bracelets around your wrists. Not wanting to give anything as to why you did; you took off one of yours and handed it to him. “Here”, you said, “now I have one less for you to complain about.” It was a simple black jelly bracelet; the kind that was all the rage in the early 2000’s. You had a ton of them saved up because of your secret; you didn’t actually think he would constantly wear it, but he did. 

Looking back over the photo of Chris and Minka, your heart started racing. How could you be SO stupid?!?! How could you ever think for one second that someone like Chris Evans was truly genuine with wanting a relationship with you? You were an idiot and you knew it. You knew you should have tried harder to hold your walls up around him; to not trust him so easily. It always backfired and this is another way of proving that. Nobody wanted someone who was broken; who was depressed and sad; nobody wanted you.  
Your eyes stung with the tears pooling around your irises. Clenching your eyes tight, they spilt over. It was getting harder to breathe with each breath you took. Your heart was clenching tight, the lump in your throat making it difficult to swallow. 

Why did these things always have to happen to you? You tried so hard to make people happy; so why were you getting shit on all the time? You were a good person, at least to other people. You were only bad to yourself. Is that why this was all happening to you? Because you were a bad person to yourself? 

You don’t know how long you sat there, zoned out in your own world. Looking down at your phone, you notice the blue light blinking, indicating you have either a missed call or text. 

Unlocking your phone, your hands tremble once you see who texted you.

Charlie: I miss you Emilia, please come home. I’m begging you. Let’s talk this over. Please.


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter heavily describes self-harm, so please, if that triggers you, read at your own risk!

Could it be possible for someone to become more broken then they already were? How could someone manage to live like this? The constant roller coaster of life; one day life is great, and then it’s terrible for a week, then amazing for a month. It’s just too much for someone to handle. 

You were all alone, literally and figuratively. You left Charlie because he cheated on you, you had to put your dog, who was your best friend, down because she was sick, your brother left for a month because of work, and now it looks as if Chris went back to his ex. His ex, the girl who pushed you into the pool at your brothers’ party.   
Maybe it was planned all along. Maybe Chris knew all about your emotional trauma and planned this with Minka. That’s a possibility right? But Chris doesn’t seem the type of person to do evil like that. 

“AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH” you screamed as hard as you could. You moved out to LA to get away from this shit! To heal yourself! And now you were in an even worse position! 

You needed the dark of your bedroom; the blackout curtains will give you shelter. Your head was pounding from all the tension of emotions filtering in and out. You tried to breathe through it as much as you could. Sweat was starting to bead on your neck from your life crashing down around you. 

You shuffle into your bedroom with what little energy you had left and collapse on the bed. All you wanted to do was take that razor blade and dig deep somewhere on your skin. But it had been a week since you had done it, and you didn’t want to resort to that anymore. You wanted to pull up your big girl panties and handle this like a normal person; cry for days. 

You were jolted awake a few hours later from your dream, well, more of a nightmare. A nightmare of memories you would have rather never had to think of again. Trying to regain your breathing, you look at the clock to see it was almost 6pm. Fuck, you slept the whole day away; but as your mind becomes less foggy, you realize why that happened. 

Chris. Chris and Minka. Pictures of them sitting in his car, smiling at each other. Charlie. Charlie texting you to come home because he misses you. 

Whimpering at the throbbing pain inside your head, you grab a cup of water. All that crying and screaming in frustration really dried out your throat; it felt really hoarse. 

After quenching your thirst, you start searching for your phone, afraid to see if anyone had texted you. Of course they had. 

Chris: I’m so sick of interviews!! What are you up to beautiful?

Chris: You still sleeping? It’s after 1pm silly

Chris: I have so much gel in my hair I’m going to have to take a three hour shower to get it all out haha

Chris: Ems it’s after 3pm now, I’m starting to get nervous. Did you get lost driving around LA? Are you stranded somewhere?

Chris: I really don’t want to pull this card but if I don’t hear from you soon I’m gonna give Eric a call. I’m really worried Ems

Eric: I’ve called you a few times but you’re not picking up. Chris called me. Emilia why won’t you answer him

Eric: Emilia damnit answer your phone. You’re making me nervous now

Knowing you didn’t want Eric to call the cops to the house to check on you, you called him immediately to calm him down. 

“What the fuck Emilia! Don’t pull that shit with me, why are you ignoring everyone?” he says anger and concern lacing his voice. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling good so I have been sleeping all day” you lied through your teeth. 

“I call bullshit Em. Chris called me. He’s stuck at his photoshoot and interview and is a nervous wreck. What’s really going on?”

You blow out a sigh, knowing there’s no point in lying to Eric because he’ll get it out of you sooner or later. 

“Ugh, fine! There is an article I happened to see on Twitter this morning saying that Minka and Chris might be back together. There was also a fucking picture of them together in his car, and I know for a goddamn fact that it was from this morning, and not the past” you huff out in annoyance. 

“Emilia, you listen to me. I can promise you they aren’t back together. Chris wouldn’t get back together with her even if she was the last woman on Earth. It’s the tabloids Em, this is what they do.”

“I don’t care Eric. I’ve realized I’m no good for him anyways. I’ll just drag him down in life, and I don’t want that for him. Look, I gotta go. Love you bro.” You quickly hang up the phone, not wanting him to hear the heartbreak in your voice. 

The second you hang up with Eric, you get an incoming call from Chris. Not wanting to deal with that open wound, you ignore the call, letting it go to voicemail. 

*Ping*

“God fucking damnit. LEAVE ME ALONE!” you scream to nobody but yourself as you unlock your phone and dial your voicemail. 

“Hey Ems it’s Chris. I just got done with my photoshoot and interview and I’m heading home. But if I don’t hear from you by then I’m coming over. Emilia I’m really fuckin worried about you. I don’t know if you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere or at home injured. Please call me back ok. Bye beautiful. 

The tears are like waterfalls on your face. Never ending. How do you even have tears left to give? 

You heard it all in his voice. The concern, worry, and fear was all there. He was worried about you. Why would he be worried about you if he was back with Minka?

*Ping*

“PLEASE STOP!! PPLEEEAASEEE!!!!” you wail as you slide down against the wall. 

Eric: I pulled the big brother card and told Chris why you weren’t answering. He’s on his way to talk to you now. Give him a chance to explain Em. It’s not what you think. I love you. I’m only a call away if you need me. 

That’s it! Fuck your big girl panties, your taking matters into your own hands now. 

Heading into your bathroom you turn to lock the door. You turn your blue tooth on, put your playlist on shuffle, and turn the music all the way up. You needed to drown out as   
much noise as you possibly could. 

Stripping your robe off, you’re immediately met with goosebumps all over your body. Luckily because of your late night shower, all your bracelets were off. That was something you didn’t think you had time to do; taking each one off your wrist. 

You start digging around your cabinet for the only thing that can hopefully give your mind a break from everything. Once you finally reached what you were looking for, you sit on the cold tile floor, back leaning against the cabinet. 

Avril Lavigne’s “Nobody’s Home” starts over the speaker, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the irony. The song is everything you’re going through right now, everything you’re feeling. 

As the song starts, everything but the lyrics fades away as your left there with a razor blade clutched in your hands. 

I couldn’t tell you  
Why she felt that way  
She felt it everyday  
And I couldn’t help her  
I just watched her make   
The same mistakes again

The razor blade slices into your wrist. The blood barely trickling up to the top of the open cut.

What’s wrong ,what’s wrong now  
Too many, too many problems  
Don’t know where she belongs  
Where she belongs

You still felt everything. Every single emotion and feeling swirling through your head, your body. It needed to stop. 

She wants to go home  
But nobody’s home  
That’s where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside

You drag the blade against your wrist again, putting more pressure down this time. You welcome the pain that you receive from the cut. The burning and stinging sensation pulling you from all your thoughts. 

Open your eyes  
And look outside  
Find the reasons why  
You’ve been rejected  
And now you can’t find  
What you’ve left behind

There is more blood than the first cut as it pools to the surface. The feelings and emotions fading from your head. You start feeling more relaxed. 

Be strong, be strong now  
Too many, too many problems  
Don’t know where she belongs  
Where she belongs

More and more fresh cuts start to litter your wrist. The blood and pain freeing you from your thoughts; you even felt a bit euphoric at this point.   
You sit there and think and feel nothing, nothing but the burning from the fresh cuts. This was your happy place. Void of feelings. This is why you used this distraction over anything. 

You sit there for a while, savoring the pain. You start to feel a bit light headed and look down and realize why. You couldn’t even see your wrists, they were covered in blood.   
Slowly getting up, you turn the water to warm and rinse your wrist, bringing on even more pain. It seemed sadistic you realize, but you were afraid something worse would happen if you weren’t able to contain it. 

The doorbell rang and you froze. 

“Shit fuck damnit!!” you curse to yourself, trying to clean up everything as fast as you can. You knew it was Chris; it slipped your mind earlier that your brother told you he was coming over here. Pausing, you also remember Chris mentioning he still had keys to the guest house from when he lived here.

“Emilia?” Chris questions as you hear him walking around your house, your music long ago turned off. You become stiff, holding your wrist in your towel and looking at your door. 

“Ems, you in there? Listen, Eric told me what happened. Just open the door, let me explain myself.”

You were frozen. You could not move. Your feet were stuck to the floor, and you were utterly terrified of seeing Chris. Talking to Chris. You couldn’t do it. 

His knocking continued becoming rather persistent. “Damnit Ems don’t make me break down this door.”

“I’m naked” you blurt out, not even thinking about it, “I mean I’m taking a bath”, you say putting your right hand up to smack your forehead. 

Damn it! You had planned on completely ignoring Chris in the hopes he would just give up and go home. But no, you crack under pressure, like you always do. 

“I guess I will just wait right outside the door then until you come out.”

“That could take all night Chris. Just go home, please”, you say, a hint of anger in your voice. 

You look around your bathroom. You’ve got the toilet, and water from the sink, you could very well spend the night in here. You were stubborn when you got things set in your   
head, and you weren’t going to budge on this, at least not for a few hours. 

“I’m not going anywhere Ems. You need to hear what I have to say.”

“Then just say it, so you can be on your merry little way Christopher.”

That’s right, take that. You said his full name hoping he would get the hint that you were pissed off. Hell, it was more like enraged. At least the two of you didn’t start an actual relationship before this crap with Minka and him happened. 

“I’m not having this conversation with you through the door beautiful”, you could hear the playfulness in his voice. 

“Well get comfy Evans, you’ll be out there all night.”

You started to get a little chilly, seeing as you were actually naked in the bathroom. You had fallen asleep in just your robe last night, and hadn’t bothered to change since then. 

You put your robe back on, being extra careful of your wrists. You were able to stop the bleeding for the most part. There was still a little bit coming through your wounds, but it would be fine; it wasn’t enough to run down into your palm. 

You grabbed a bunch of towels from the cupboard and made your own makeshift bed. You laid down on them, trying to get comfy. 

As you closed your eyes, your heart broke even more when you heard Chris sigh heavily from the other side of the door.


	12. Chapter 11

The moon was high in the air as you woke up from your miserable sleeping position from the floor of the bathroom. Grabbing your phone, you realized it was just past 12:30 in the morning. 

Quietly sliding along the tile you floor, you drag yourself over to the door and put your ear up to it. You could hear Chris’ shallow breathing, along with a few snores here and there. While you were beyond mad at him, you had to admit, it was kind of cute. 

You needed out of this bathroom though; you were starting to feel claustrophobic. You decided the best thing to do was to grab your purse, which contained your wallet and car keys, creep out the front door, and make a run to your jeep. You still didn’t want to deal with Chris just yet. Looking down at yourself, you still realized you were in just your robe. Fuck it, it covered the entire length of your arms, and went all the way down to your feet. It was a thick fuzzy robe, so it would keep you warm in the midnight autumn air. 

It may have seemed childish, running away from your problems. But you weren’t exactly running away, you just didn’t want to deal with your problems right this minute, and Chris seemed just as stubborn as you.

Ever so slowly, you unlocked your door and peeked your head out. Chris’ back was against your bed on the opposite wall, his head fallen back, using the mattress as a pillow. You turned off the light to the bathroom before opening the door more. 

You literally tiptoed out of the bathroom, through your bedroom, and into the kitchen where your purse was. Grabbing it, you silently creep to your front door, and realized that Chris must have locked it before he passed out. 

“Fuck” you mentally curse in your head. You pull the deadbolt to the left to unlock the front door. Glancing over your shoulder, you see Chris start to stir awake. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck, RUN! KEEP RUNNING!!!” your mind screams at you. 

You wretch open the door, slam it closed, and book it through the backyard. Luckily for you, the backyard fence didn’t connect all the way to the side of the house; giving you one less obstacle to move through. You ran as if your life depended on. You saw your Jeep up ahead and mentally high fived yourself for making it. You slowed down, thinking you were in the clear, and started to catch your breath from the brief adrenaline rush. 

“Emilia!” you heard Chris shout in the distance. 

“Shit!!” You pick your speed back up, but you were no match for the man who portrayed Captain America. 

Chris caught up to you with ease, and he grabbed you around the waist as you tried to wiggle away from him. 

“Let me go Chris!” you manage to muster, thrashing in his arms so he would let you go.

“Not a chance Ems. I’m never letting you go” he says through gritted teeth since you are still trying to squirm your way out of his arms. “Stop moving around, please” he begs as his arms tighten around you.

Your back is to his chest, arms crisscrossed over your body like a strait jacket, while his arms have yours pinned down. 

He leans his head down to speak directly into your ear “What you saw in that article this morning is nothing Emilia. Minka means absolutely nothing to me. She was at the same warehouse where my photo shoot was taking place. She was visiting a friend.”

“You were in the car with her, smiling. You looked happy”, you choked out, your voice betraying you. 

“You want to know why I looked happy in that picture Ems? Because I was telling her that I had found someone. You Emilia. Even though you and I aren’t officially together.   
Every time I think of you when I’m not with you, I smile. I smile like a complete dork. You make me happy Ems. I’ll do whatever it takes for you to realize that”, he whispers the last part as he gives your head a kiss. 

“You’re making a big mistake”, you sigh in frustration, “now can you please let go of me.”

He releases you slowly, and you finally break free from his grasp. You turn to walk around him, not bothering to look at him. Ok, so the whole Minka and him thing was fake, but you still felt pissed off for some reason. Maybe it was because of Charlie texting you out of the blue. Or maybe it was because you made yourself look like a fucking idiot in front of Chris yet again. 

You stomped your way back towards the guest house, Chris hot on your tail.

“Ems.”

You keep walking. 

“Hey Em, stop and talk to me please” you hear the pleading in his voice. 

Keep walking you think to yourself. You’re almost there. 

As you reach for the door handle with your right hand and push open, you feel Chris grab your left wrist as he exclaims “Emilia!” in an irate tone.

He didn’t grab hard, he barely even grasped you, but it was enough to make you wince under the touch of it; your deep cuts still very fresh and open. 

“OUCH, FUCK!!” you assert, grabbing his own wrist and pulling it off you. 

“Shit I’m sorry Emilia, I didn’t mean to hurt you”, he glances down at your wrist, worry aligning his face as he stalks towards you, “Baby your bleeding, what happened??”

Your eyes meet your wrist, and you realize at some point in the last 10 minutes, something must have disturbed the already fresh cuts. You roll your eyes at him as you turn and make your way to the bathroom. 

“STOP WALKING AWAY FROM ME EMILIA!” he shouts. 

You wince immediately at the tone of his voice; a knee jerk reaction you have when people yell at you. Instantly you become submissive and stop dead in your tracks, your head   
hanging down. 

Growing up, it was difficult in your household. You were the sensitive little girl who lost her mother at a young age. Bottling up your emotions, they would unleash at some point in time. Your father was never keen on your moody attitude when it happened, and yelling at you always shut you up. You hate when people yell at you; freezing and becoming submissive was what you did. You didn’t want anyone mad at you, so you would always give in when they yelled. 

“I understand you and I aren’t in a relationship because you just are not ready yet. That’s fine with me Emilia and you know it. But you are my friend, and I care deeply for you.   
Let me help you, please” he begs you as you feel him put his hands on your shoulders. 

You felt the tightening in your throat, breathes becoming shallow. You knew what was next; more fucking tears. You tried to hold them back as much as possible. But you were weak, you were broken. You couldn’t handle it anymore and you let the sobs take over your body. 

“You don’t want me Chris. Why the FUCK would anybody want a mess like me huh?” you ask him as your voice starts to rise. “THIS”, you gesture with your finger, pointing up and down your body, “is the real me Evans. A fucking mess. A broken person. Someone who can’t control their fucking emotions 99% of the goddamn time. Someone who was one of the lucky 12% of the population born sensitive. I feel things on a very fucking deep level. And you want to know what? It’s eating away at my life. Trust me Chris, back out now while you still have a chance. You don’t want this mess in your life”, you rant as the tears sting your eyes. 

Chris takes your face in his hands, using his thumbs to swipe away your tears. 

“I am looking at a beautiful woman in front of me. Someone who has been dealt so much trauma in their life. Let me into your heart Emilia, let me help you through this, please.”

The look he gives you makes your heart clench. His eyes are pleading, begging even. He really wants this doesn’t he, your heart says. Yeah, but he will leave you when he sees what you did to yourself, your brain battles back. 

Chris moves closer to you, taking your left hand in his. You know what he’s about to do next. He wants to know why you are bleeding. 

You squeeze your eyes shut tight pleading with him “Please don’t do this”, you manage to voice. 

“Why Ems, tell me why you don’t want me to know what happened?”

“You-You’ll leave m-me. Just li-like everyone else do-does” you hiccup between sobs. 

He leans you back so you are sitting on your bed as he kneels between your open legs. Gently grabbing your face in his hands he whispers to you, “Open your eyes Emilia”, and you obliged. 

“Whatever happened, I am not leaving you. Do you understand me?” 

Giving him a shaky nod, he leans up to give you a sweet endearing kiss on your forehead. 

He takes a hold of your left elbow, and slowly peels back your robe covering your wrist. 

He inhales sharply at the sight of your blood covered wrist. “Fuck Emilia,” he says, obviously shocked at what he sees.

You squeeze your eyes back closed as your body starts trembling from your sobbing. You feel Chris get up and leave and that is when you fully lose control. Your hands come up to cover your face as you full on bawl; not even caring about the noises you make. 

Mere seconds later, Chris returns and scoops you into his arms. You feel weightless as he carries you into the bathroom, setting you on the counter. 

Your sobbing quiets down when you realize he hasn’t actually left you like you thought. He just went into the bathroom to find the first aid kit.

After Chris cleans your self-inflicted wounds, he picks you back up and carries you to the bed. He lays you down gently before climbing in over you, pulling you to him. His back is up against the headboard as his legs stretch out in front of him. You are curled into his left side as your legs are draped over his thighs. 

You both lay there for quite some time; neither one of you speaking. You listen to his heart beat as your head is rested on his chest. 

“I’m sorry”, you say breaking the silence. 

Chris leans down to kiss your head as he sighs deeply. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for Emilia. I just don’t know why you would do that to yourself?” he asks as he picks up your wounded wrist and starts laying kisses on it. 

Your heart quivers at his kind gesture; your stomach clenching. 

“Many years of bottling up my emotions”, you say with a shrug, “I had to release the pressure somehow.”

Chris readjusts so he can look into your eyes. “Ems you have got to stop doing this to yourself. Please. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me you won’t do this again?”

You knew you answer immediately. 

“No Chris, I can’t promise you that”, you say flat out; void of all emotions in your tone. 

He gives you a bewildered face, confused of what you just said. “Baby, you have to stop this! We need to get you help, someone to talk to, medications, ANYTHING! Anything but this” he pleads as he holds your wrist up to you. 

You let out a frustrated sigh, knowing this isn’t going to get you anywhere. 

“I’m sorry Chris but I can’t promise to stop and I can’t promise to never do it again. At least I’m not making a promise I know I will break. You take me as I am, or you leave me”, you get up from the bed and head to the kitchen for something to drink, Chris tailing you, “it won’t be the first time someone doesn’t want to deal with this shit, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

“I’m going to help you Ems, we will get throu” he starts to say, but you cut him off. 

“Uh uh Chris. I’m not going there with you.”

“Going there with me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Why won’t you let me help you?”

“BECAUSE IT’S NOT POSSIBLE CHRIS” you yell at him, suddenly embarrassed by your tone of voice, “Look, I’m sorry, but it just won’t work Chris. I am broken. You can’t just pick me off the floor and glue me back together. It doesn’t work like that. I’ve talked to people, I’ve been medicated, tried different forms of therapy. None of it has done any good. This is why I’m no good for you Chris. You’re an actor for Christ sake. You don’t have the time to deal with my shit.”

“I have all the time in the world right now Emilia. I will help you, in any which way I can. Will you let me?”

“You can try, but don’t say I didn’t warn you Chris”, you say hanging your head in defeat. 

You don’t want to hurt him; it’s the last thing you’d ever want to do. But you know he will fail, just like everyone else, and you’re afraid that will break him down. 

“Can you-can you do me a favor Chris?”

His facial expression softens as he gives you a nod. 

“Can we keep this between us? Eric has no idea I continue to do this”, your voice cracking, knowing it would kill your brother to hear this. 

“You shouldn’t be keeping secrets like this from him Emilia, not from family.”

“No, I know. Can you just maybe give me a little bit of time before I break it to him? Please?”

“Sure” he sighs as he picks you up and carries you to bed, “now let’s get to bed. We can talk more in the morning.”

And with that, you and Chris went to bed, embraced in each other’s arms.


	13. Chapter 12

You were drowning, drowning in a sea of blood. Your throat closing in around you, breathing is impossible. The blood is so thick, it’s consuming you. You can’t fight back, can’t swim to the surface. You slowly give up, sink towards the bottom. 

Your eyes open; becoming wide from the nightmare, but you stay still, unmoving. 

You are cocooned in Chris’ arms, wrapped tightly to him. You can see into the living room and notice it’s still mainly dark outside, but dawn is approaching. 

You’re wide awake now, visions of your dream clouding your brain. You sigh in frustration, knowing you won’t be able to get back to sleep anytime soon. Last night was a mess, a pure emotional enduring mess. You wanted Chris to sleep longer. Poor guy was up early yesterday and didn’t get to sleep until a few hours ago.   
In your wild state of emotions, it was one of two things; sleep all day, or get little to no sleep at all. Knowing it was the latter of the two, you decided to get up and shower.

You ever so slowly peeled out of Chris’ arms, careful not to disturb him. Once you became free, you turned to look at him. 

He didn’t look as peaceful in his sleep as you were hoping for. His brows were furrowed, as if he was contemplating something within his dreams. You knew it was your entire   
fault, and you hated yourself for it. 

You didn’t want to drag him into your mess. He was on a practical six month long vacation; he shouldn’t have to help you deal with your emotional outbursts, trying any which way he can to help. 

But at the same time, if felt nice. It felt nice for someone to care about you as much as Chris proved he cared about you last night. Nobody ever showed that towards you before; not like this. It also felt good to wake up in his arms. Granted you had a nightmare last night; but that was probably due to all the stress from the last 24 hours. 

You make your way to the bathroom, deciding to leave it unlocked this time and leave it open a crack. You didn’t want to give Chris any more worries of what you were doing in there. 

Peeling away your robe, you wince as it hits your wrist. Fuck, you really did a number last night, that’s for sure. 

You step into the standalone shower stall and turn on the water, not even caring what the temperature is to begin with. Turning the water, you finally reach the temperature you want; scalding hot. Your muscles instantly praise you for the warm water and you start to feel yourself relax. 

You lean your left hand up against the shower stall, and just stand there, letting the hot water hit your head; and you cry. 

You didn’t deserve someone as pure and genuine as Chris. Did you? He wanted to help you, to fix your problems with you. You didn’t even think it possible to do so. You thought you tried everything there was, but maybe there was one thing you didn’t try. Maybe there was one thing out there that could work. Maybe that was Chris. 

Being around him this last week had done wonders on your mood. You were truly happy, and felt joy in the first time in years when you were surrounded by him. He made you laugh and smile; two things you were afraid you’d never do again. 

As your thoughts bring you back to the present, you hear Chris knock on your door, “Ems, you alright in there”, he questions softly. 

“Umm yeah sorry if I woke you Chris. I couldn’t fall back asleep so I decided to take a shower. I’m fine, I promise. You can go back to sleep if you want, I’m sure your tired” you meekly answer.

Chris could easily walk right into the bathroom and see your naked form through the glass door; but you really couldn’t care less. To you, he saw the worst part there was; the cuts, the emotional outburst, and he still stayed with you. While you weren’t happy with your body, you knew it wasn’t as bad as what the two of you went through last night. 

Your body stayed the same way as it was when you first entered, hand against the wall; the shower head pointed directed to your scalp. It felt heavenly, and you did not want to move to wash your hair or scrub your body.

“Is it alright if I come in?” he asks, voice rough from just waking up.

“Of course, I should be done soon though” you state.

You keep your head under the water, but you can hear Chris shuffling into the bathroom. 

“I meant can I come into the shower, with you?” nervousness lacing his voice. 

You turn your head to the left and see him standing right outside the stall, steam from the shower surrounding the both of you. 

You don’t say anything; fearing your voice wouldn’t work. You just look at him with acceptance in your eyes, and nod your head yes. 

Just a minute later, your hit with a blast of cold air as Chris opens and closes the stall door; standing behind you. 

You let out a sigh, a few more tears leaving your eyes. 

Chris moves your hair to the side, away from your back, and gives you the gentlest kisses across your shoulders. The tension almost sudden easing its way out of your body. 

“I’m sorry I raised my voice at you last night.”

You stiffen at his words, as you heard the hurt within his voice. Shaking your head back and forth, you turn around to face him; your hands reaching up to cup around his face.

“No Chris. Don’t you dare apologize for that”, your eyes pleading with him to not be sad, “that is exactly what I needed you to do. It’s like you know everything about me Chris, without even knowing me more than a week. You didn’t scare me, or hurt my feelings by raising your voice. You helped me.”

His eyes give off a bit of confusion when you stated that it helped you. 

“I get into these emotional episodes and I don’t even realize what I’m doing, or how I’m acting. But raising your voice at me, yelling at me, it breaks me from the episode. It startles me into realizing how stupid I’m acting. So don’t you dare apologize”, you say as you reach your arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. 

He bends down to wrap his arms around your waist; making you feel safe again.

“I don’t want you to keep hurting yourself Emilia.”

“I can’t promise you that Chris because I don’t want to end up breaking a promise to you.”

“Ok Ems. Lets finish up here and then can we talk?”

You open your eyes, searching for the anger within his, but you find none. Instead, you find sadness, and it hurts you. 

You nod your head to him, and he reaches behind you for the loofah and body wash. 

He is gentle with you as he washes your body. To most, showering with someone would probably seem sexual; but this wasn’t. This was something on a whole different level. It was intimacy, in an emotional, caring way. While you could feel some sexual tension between you two (come on, you were taking a shower with Chris, who is chiseled like a Greecian God), neither of you acted upon it. This moment you were in, was not the time for that. 

The sun was fully up once the two of you were finished with your shower. After toweling off and getting into some clothes, you both made your way to the kitchen to grab something to drink. 

“I don’t have any coffee, but I do have…..”you trail off as you open the fridge to see what you have stored away, “juice, water, or pop. What’s your poison Evans?”

“Water is fine.”

You fill up two glasses of water, one for each of you, and head to your couch. You know you need to have this talk with Chris, but you still aren’t looking forward to it. 

Setting your glass down on the coffee table, you curl yourself up into a ball in the corner of the couch, hugging your knees close to you. Since you only have one couch, Chris sits at the opposite end, facing you. 

You’re afraid to meet his eyes, but you know you have to. This is going to be a serious talk, and you want to prove to him how serious you are. 

Keeping your head resting on your knees, you turn it slightly to face him. 

He looks defeated. His shoulders are hunched, eyes red from both lack of sleep and crying. Wait, you don’t remember him crying. Did he cry after you fell asleep? Now you felt   
even worse!

“Your breaking my heart with that look Chris” you manage to say, trying and failing miserably to put a small smile on your face.

“I’m worried about you Ems, so fucking worried” he says with a sigh, lifting his gaze to meet yours. “I want you to be happy, I want you to feel safe, I want you to stop hurting   
yourself.”

“I know. I can see that. You’ve proven that last night and this morning. I just don’t know what to tell you Chris. I’ve done it all before. Fuck, I’ve spent three days locked in a loony bin on suicide watch.”

You thought your heart couldn’t possibly shatter anymore, but you were dead wrong. Chris gave you such a pained look, you couldn’t help but crawl over the couch and into his lap. Your arms locked around his neck; his beard scratching your cheek. 

“I didn’t try to” you whisper into his ear, “it was an accident.”

“Damnit Emilia”, Chris says as backs his head away to look at your face, “and what happens if there is another accident? What happens if you go too far? How do you think your family, Eric, will feel having to lower your casket into a grave huh? How do you think I would feel?”

It hit you just then, with those words he spoke. Nobody ever said anything like that to you. While you’ve thought about suicide in the past, you never wanted to actually end your life. No matter how hard life got, you always had fight left in you. But when Chris mentioned your family lowering your casket into a grave, it snapped you out of it. 

He was right; irrevocably 100% right. You didn’t want that. You didn’t want to hurt Eric, to hurt Chris like that. You had to stop doing this. You had to at least try. Try for you.   
Try for Eric. And to try for Chris. 

“You’re right Chris. Absolutely right. I need help. I need to stop this but I don’t know how”, your body betraying you for the millionth time as you tremble with sobs. 

“Hey, look at me Emilia” he says cupping your cheeks, “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I am going to help you in any way that I can, but you have to let me. Let me help you, let me comfort you. Let me protect you.”


	14. Chapter 13

Chris wanted to protect you. He wanted to protect you from everything. From the harm you do to yourself, from the emotions and feelings that overpower you. He actually wanted to protect you. It was as if those words were the magical words you needed to hear. All negative thoughts and feelings slipped away from you in that moment. It was just you and Chris, embraced in each other’s arms. 

At this moment, you wanted nothing more than to call Chris yours. You wanted him for yourself, and only for you. You wanted to shower him with affection; with love. You only hoped he felt the same way, even though he’s already told you as much. 

Fuck it, actions you speak louder than words, so you decided to take the plunge. 

Looking at his lips, they were perfect. The perfect shape to kiss, to nibble on, to suckle. You wanted those lips on yours. 

You glanced back up to his eyes, only to see he his were glanced down to your lips too. You waited, until he raised his eyes back to yours to speak. 

“I want you to protect me Chris”, you say with happiness in your voice. 

He puts forth a small smile, but it’s his eyes that really say it all; relief. 

You slowly start leaning your head towards his, eyes darting between his eyes and lips. 

Your lips finally reach his, and it’s as if fireworks are exploding in your chest. The kiss is pure emotion; not rushed or hurried, but soft and sensual.

Your hands roam his chest and grip onto his shirt for support, while his thread into your hair, pulling you even closer. 

You both break away panting, trying to regain your breathing. Chris leans his forehead against yours as he asks, “does this make it official between us” with a laugh. 

You can’t help but let out a small giggle at his words. “Yes Chris, it makes us official.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for another relationship so soon? I seriously don’t mind waiting until your ready Ems.”

“Chris, if you want to be here for me, then I’m not letting you do it as my friend. I need you to be more than that if you are willing to help me”, you say running your fingers through his beard, loving the way it feels on your fingers. “Plus, I’ve never felt so strongly for someone before and if I’m going to be getting help, I don’t want to have to suppress these feelings I have for you.” 

He gives you a full faced smile, the kind that reaches all the way up to his eyes. He leans in to capture your lips with his again. 

This kiss was different from your first. The first kiss you shared was sensual and soft, this kiss was all passion. Your lips were moving in synch with his; as if you two were matched for each other. 

You felt him part his lips and took it as the perfect opportunity to grab his lower lip with your teeth and nibble lightly. 

The noise that came from his throat sent a shiver down your spine, and you wanted to hear it again. Deciding to be a bit bold, you trace your tongue along his lower lip, asking for entrance. 

Chris gladly accepts, but you immediately lose your dominance as his tongue starts to massage yours. 

A moan came from deep within you, letting Chris know just how amazing this felt. 

The kiss had started to grow increasingly intense and you were lost within it. One of his hands moved from your head and started trailing down your body until he cupped your ass. You broke apart the kiss with a groan, loving the feelings of his hands on you. 

“Now this is the kind of distraction I could get used to”, you say with a sly smile as you lean in to peck him on the lips one more time. 

“I told you I could help you”, Chris says giving you that boyish grin. 

“Don’t get too cocky babe, not everything is going to be as easy as this.”

“Babe huh?” 

You playfully shove his chest, “you called me baby a few times!” you exclaim. 

“I know I know. In all seriousness now, can I make a suggestion?”

“Depends” you answer him, your eyebrow quirking up.

“I don’t want you to be spending the night alone here with what happened yesterday. I want to stay here with you, at least until Eric comes back to town”. 

You mull his idea over for a minute, trying to find any consequences, but come up short. It would be nice for him to be here with you, seeing as it probably wouldn’t be best for you to be left alone with your thoughts. But then you remembered, what about Dodge?

“Shit Chris! You need to get home to Dodger! When was the last time you let him out?? Fed him??” you ask, becoming frantic over the poor dog. 

“Relax Ems! I dropped Dodger off at a buddy’s house two nights ago. I knew the photo shoot and interview would take all day. He’s being taken care of” he reassures you. 

“Can Dodger come stay here too?” you ask as you bat your eyelashes, hoping it would work. 

Chris gives you a slight chuckle, “of course he can come stay here too. Unless you want to stay at my place instead?”

“Your place? You would be alright with me staying there for a few weeks?”

“Baby of course I would! I wouldn’t have asked if I thought differently. Plus, my house is bigger than this guest house, so if you needed a little space or quiet time, there is plenty of room for you to do so.”

You give him an adoring face while reaching up to place your lips to his again. The warmth rushing over your body is everything you had ever hoped for, but never felt, until now.   
You hum in complete bliss as you break the kiss. 

“I guess I will go pack a bag so we can head out.”

“I’ll be waiting for you right here.”

You grab the duffel bag from the back of your closet and make your way to your dresser. You grab a few bras, panties and socks and head back to the closet. You figured things were going to be casual so you stuck with packing t-shirts and jeans for the most part. You knew Chris had a pool as he mentioned it during one of your many talks last week, so you decided to pack your swimsuit also. If you needed anything else, it was only a five or ten minute car ride back here. 

You head into the bathroom and grab your essentials; toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, hairbrush and makeup. You hardly ever wore makeup, but it was always nice to have it handy.   
Before you head back out to the living room, you make your way to the cabinet and reach towards the back, grabbing your trusty razor. You hoped that you wouldn’t need it, but you knew it could help you in a pinch if needed. You got out a pair of jeans from the bottom of the duffel and hid the razor in the back pocket. Satisfied, you walk back to the living room to meet Chris. 

“Ready to head out?” you ask as you make your way to the kitchen to grab your purse.

“All set. I’m having my friend drop Dodger off right now so we don’t have to make any stops,” he says as he takes your duffel from you. 

After locking up the guest house, the both of you make your way towards Chris’ car out front, hand in hand. As you reach his car, he opens the passenger door for you. 

“Your mother raised a true gentleman.”

Chris chuckles at your statement, “I’ll make sure to tell my mother that.”

You had been wondering how your relationship would work with Chris, with him being in the public eye and all. Hell, you’ve thought about it for the past week, practically ever since you met him. Relationships that were open to the public involving celebrities barely lasted, and you didn’t want that fate to be bestowed upon the two of you. 

“So how does this all work?” you ask pointing your finger back and forth between you two. “How does this relationship work with you being in the public eye and all?”

“I’m kind of a private person when it comes to my personal relationships. And I would of course like to keep it that way, if you don’t mind?”

“No I don’t mind at all. I’m more worried about your status and losing fans more than anything.”

“What do you mean my status?” he asks a little bit confused.

“Well Eric brought it to my attention that they will probably find out who I am sooner or later, and they will probably be able to dig into my past and staying in a psychiatric ward and all. I just don’t want to tarnish your image is all” you state.

He leans his right arm over and gently caresses your knee as he begins to talk, “Ems, fuck what they think. I don’t care if I ever get a movie deal ever again. They are not my priority, you are.”

You couldn’t help the few lonely tears that escaped your eyes. But this was a different type of tear. These were happy tears.

“Thank you” you sniffle out.

“What for? Wait, baby don’t cry!”

“No!!! They’re happy tears. Nobody has ever made me feel important before. I’ve never experienced someone tell me I was a priority to them.”

Chris grabs your hand and brings it up to his lips, giving it a kiss. “You are important Ems. I know you’re important to Eric. But fuck, you are so important to me. I’ve felt this need to protect you and be with you from the minute I saw you sleeping on your brothers’ couch. It was as if there was this magnetic pull that kept pulling me towards you.”

Chris had barely put his car into park in his garage before you quickly unbuckled your seatbelt and attacked his face, kissing him hungrily. You were becoming greedy with his kisses and you didn’t want to stop. You two were like horny teenagers making out in a car, window fogging up. You both finally pulled away, chests panting.

Chris smirks at you as he says “lets go see Dodger.”


	15. Chapter 14

The next few days went by in a blurry haze. You were happy to be out of your small guest house and be somewhere new. Chris’ house was amazing to say the least. It wasn’t anything too spectacular; there was no room dedicated to wrapping presents or anything. It was still amazing nonetheless. 

It was a two story house with lots of space. The kitchen, dining room, and living room were all spaced out evenly on the first floor, along with a den in which you found out Chris used as an office. He liked to read his scripts in there, he told you the room helped him focus. There was also a bathroom off the hallway that connected his garage to his kitchen. 

Upstairs there were two spacious guest rooms, each with their own bathroom, and another bathroom off the hallway. At the very end of the hallway was Chris’ bedroom, which is where you had been spending most of your time, alone. 

You weren’t spending your time there alone because the two of you were fighting or anything. It was a few different reasons in fact. The first being his bed was heavenly. The minute you laid down on it, you never wanted to leave. The second reason you had been spending time alone in his room was because everything was catching up with you and you had spent most of the last few days sleeping. 

You really felt bad on that part. Chris had let you into his home to make you feel protected, but here you were sleeping for almost three consecutive days. When you had your emotional outbursts, it was always draining. Bottling up emotions was hard enough to do, but when you released them, it was as if you were releasing every ounce of energy you had stored up. 

When you were awake and had a conscious mind, you made sure to talk with Eric. You wanted him to know about Chris and you becoming official before he heard it from anyone else. He was happy and all, but still worried for your benefit of him being in the public eye. He was just looking out for you and you knew that. You had also told him you would be spending the remaining time he was away on business, at Chris’ house. You didn’t want to tell him about your problem over the phone, so you just lied and said you kept hearing weird noises outside your house and it scared you. 

You also checked in with your father to see how he was doing. He told you Charlie came to his house to talk to him and was asking about you. That freaked you out a little bit. He had texted you late last week and of course you didn’t message him back. You had nothing to say to him. You knew you should have changed your phone number. But Charlie going to your family and asking about you left a weird feeling in the pit of your gut. Something just didn’t sit right with you; it was as if you felt like something bad was going to happen. 

You felt like you had enough rest and wanted to actually get out and breathe in that fresh air. You knew what you wanted; the pool. Who cares if it was the beginning of October? The pool was heated and you were from Minnesota; you were born in the cold tundra, you could handle anything. 

Getting out of bed you walked into the closet that Chris so graciously let you store you belongings in, and grabbed your bathing suit. 

After getting changed in the master bathroom, you headed down the stairs, wanting to let Chris know you were going to take a dip in the pool. 

“Chris?” you question softly, wondering where he was. You didn’t see him in the kitchen or living room so you ambled to his den. What you saw made you stop dead in your tracks and your heart fill with pure joy. Chris was fast asleep on the couch in his office, a script laid across his chest. He looked beautiful. He looked peaceful. You didn’t dare wake him up. 

You quietly backed away and headed out the patio door towards the pool. Feet first, you started wading into the heated pool, loving the feeling as the water washed over your body. You could have spent hours in water; pools, rivers, hot tubs, lakes; you name it, and you felt at peace. 

You swam to the deep end and moved your feet up in front of you so that you could float on our back. You always knew that if you were to get stuck anywhere without a lifejacket, you would be safe. You could float on your back forever; it was as easy as breathing to you. 

You were out there floating around for quite a while, getting lost in the feeling of being weightless as the water held you up. 

“Hello beautiful” Chris says as you open your eyes to see him crouched by the pool looking at you. 

“Hey yourself. I was going to let you know I was coming out here, but I couldn’t wake you. You looked too peaceful” you say to him.

“It’s fine sweetheart.”

Your heart flipped at the endearment he used. He had been calling you all kinds of pet names and endearments the last few days, each time causing your heart to flutter. 

“The script must not have been that good if you fell asleep while reading it” you say swimming over to him and leaning your arms over the edge of the pool. 

“I’ve read better”, he chuckles, “it looks like there is a storm rolling in, why don’t we head inside, order some pizza, and watch some movies?”

“Evans you sure do know the way to my heart.”

You swim to the shallow end and walk up the stairs, instantly getting hit with the cool air; giving you goosebumps. Chris is right there with a towel opened up and you gladly accept his awaiting arms. He cocoons you with the towel, rubbing his hands up and down your arms to warm you up. 

You look up to meet his gaze and his eyes are filled with lust. There was only a slight pause before his lips consumed yours. It took you a second to realize what was going on as it happened so fast, but you quickly accepted and started moving your lips with his. You could taste the beer on his breath as his tongue swiped your lower lip begging for entrance. Once you felt his tongue on yours, you couldn’t hold back the moan as it escaped your lips. Your moan must have turned him on because he immediately started walking backwards, taking you with him; but your lips never leaving each other, making sure of that by wrapping your hands behind his head, pressing you to him. 

You made it back into the house, still connected at the lips, and the next thing you felt was your back pressed against the wall, Chris’ hands gripping your hips. He detached his lips from yours and you whimpered from the loss, but they quickly attached to your neck. You let out a breathy moan, loving the way his lips and beard felt against your soft skin. You tilted your head so he could have better access as you ran your nails along his scalp, which spurred him on even more.   
Chris used his thigh to nudge your legs apart and he placed his knee right where your sex was; the exact place you needed to feel pressure. 

“Oh fuck” you groan as Chris keeps attacking your neck. You could feel how hard he was as he kept pressing himself to you. It was all too much; you didn’t know how to react to all of this. All this stimulation you felt was overwhelming. You weren’t used to someone showing this much affection to your body, and you were starting to panic. 

Your breathing was already deep and low from the events, but now it was becoming impossible to breath. You felt your chest start to tighten as the fear of not being able to breathe coursed through you. Blood was pounding in your ears as you struggled for air. You didn’t know what was happening to you. Sure you’ve cried so hard sometimes it was a struggle to breath, but this was different; this scared the shit out of you. You honestly felt like you were dying; your body betraying you by not letting you breathe. Was this what death felt like?

Your arms dropped from Chris’ head, going limp at your sides, and he must have sensed that something was wrong. He paused his kissing attack on your neck, letting go of the death grip he had on your hips. As he moved his leg back from you, your legs gave out and you dropped to the floor, landing hard on your ass. 

“Emilia!! Baby what’s wrong??” Chris asked, terrified of what he was witnessing. 

“Can’t” gasp “breathe” gasp. Your chest still constricted, pain and fear flowing through your body. 

The second you said that, Chris knew what was happening. He’s had plenty to understand well enough that this was a panic attack. 

He got on the floor with you as he clutched you to his chest so you could feel the rhythm of his breaths. 

“You have to calm down baby. Breathe with me, feel my chest rising and falling, synch your breathing with me.”

You did the best you could to listen to him, his words fuzzy from the pounding in your ears. You clutched to his arms as you felt yourself come down from this onslaught of panic. 

“Good girl, keep breathing, take deep breaths” Chris soothed as he rubbed your back. 

You just sat there, clutching on to him for dear life, scared of what just happened to you. 

“What happened Chris?” you asked shakily.

“It was a panic attack sweetheart.”

“I’m so sorry” you say as you start crying. 

“Ems why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for!”

“It-it was all too mu-much too fast for m-me. My bo-body couldn’t keep up wi-with everything. I hav-haven’t felt that much physical affection before a-and it was just too much. I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me” you hiccupped between words. 

“Emilia you’re not a virgin are you?”

You shake your head no. Of course you weren’t a virgin. But your sexual relationship with Charlie wasn’t pure romance either. Your love life was pretty basic and vanilla. It was nothing like what you and Chris had just experienced.

“I’m not, but my past relationship was lacking in the intimate department. It was really boring and we never tried spicing it up. What you and I just did, even though we barely did anything, had me feeling ten times more than anything I’ve ever experienced. I just wasn’t expecting it I guess.

“I didn’t push you into this relationship; I waited until you were ready. So we are going to take this slow Emilia. I’m going to let you tell me when you’re ready; I don’t want to rush you into anything you’re uncomfortable with alright?”

You give him a weak smile as you nod your head, silently thanking him that he was so forgiving and willing to take this slow. 

Chris picks you up and carries you up the stairs. It never ceases to amaze you how easily he can pick you up. You’re not a toothpick, but a real woman with real curves. He made it seem so easy. 

The two of you made it to the bathroom and he set you down on the counter. Your towel had fallen off while you and Chris were busy with your ministrations, and you shivered violently. He turned to the tub and started filling it up. 

“What are you doing?” you ask, teeth clattering.

“I’m running you a bath beautiful, what does it look like I’m doing?” he chuckles back. 

“Will you join me?” your face blushing as you as him. 

He turns and starts to walk towards you, cupping his large hands around your face and bending down to give you a soft kiss. 

“Of course.”


	16. Chapter 15

Chris and you had spent practically every waking minute together after your panic attack. He was afraid to leave you alone since you had never experienced one before. You had to admit, it was one of the scariest things you had ever gone through; but you thanked the lucky stars that Chris was with you in that moment. He had been so sweet and gentle with you the last few days. While you appreciated it, it kind of unnerved you. He was too gentle; he wasn’t acting like his regular goofball self. 

You were already in a particularly bad mood tonight because you knew what was coming tomorrow morning; a doctor’s visit with a psychiatrist. You didn’t want to go by any means, fuck, you were even trembling as you made the call to set the appointment up. It was Chris who begged and pleaded for you to try again. He said it might be different this time since you were with him and had someone to help you through this. You couldn’t take his puppy dog eyes anymore and gave in. 

You told him he was driving you; that was your one condition. You would be too much of a nervous wreck to deal with LA traffic to drive yourself. 

Both of you were sitting on opposite sides of his couch, watching a movie. Your legs were restless and fidgety. You kept glaring at Chris, getting mad at him for keeping his distance from you. 

He looked over and saw you glaring at him, “what”, he questions with a small chuckle. 

Already pissed off because of your appointment, and him being distant from you because of your panic attack, his smug look set you off.

“AARRGGHHH”, you throw your hands in the air in defeat and get up, marching upstairs towards the bedroom. 

“Sweetheart what’s wrong?” he questions coming into the bedroom behind you.

“NO” you screech as you turn to face him, “don’t you dare sweetheart me!”

“What did I do?” he asks, hands in the air as if he is surrendering. 

“More like what you DIDN’T do! You have been keeping your distance from me Chris and it’s driving me MAD!! You’re acting like I’m going to break or something. You haven’t hugged me or kissed me in two days. I understand you’re letting me take the reign as to when we go further in the sexual department, but it doesn’t mean I want you to stop touching or kissing me!” you rant, out of breath from pacing back and forth and the anger in your tone. 

When you stop pacing and take a couple of breaths, you notice Chris is standing there grinning at you. 

“You’re sexy when you’re angry” he states, looking you up and down. 

You just stand there, eyebrows furrowed at him. 

He stalks towards you and smashes his lips to yours, dominating your mouth instantly. You had craved his touch, his lips, for two days now, and you weren’t backing down this time so easily. You turned the two of you around so his back was to the bed and pushed his chest, hard, making him fall onto the bed. 

He looked at you with his eyebrow raised, lust set deep in his eyes as he scooted up towards the head of the bed. 

You knelt on the bed and slowly started to crawl up his body until your lips met his again in a searing kiss. The kiss was passionate, fiery and oh so dominating. 

You move your legs on either side of his thighs so you were straddling him, keeping him right where you wanted him. You were more in control this time, setting the pace, and it helped your body relax that much more. 

Chris’ hands were roaming all over you and your body was reacting to it pleasantly; becoming more wet between your legs. You ground down against his bulge and you both moaned in pleasure. He took that moment to flip you over so your back was to the bed; holding himself up above you. 

“Tell me what you want” Chris asked as he broke away from the kiss panting. 

You had to think a minute before you spoke, also to catch your breath. You wanted him so badly; your body giving acceptance as to what was going on between the two of you. But you didn’t want to fully have sex right now. You wanted that to be the perfect moment, at the perfect time. You did however want a release, and if you couldn’t use your razor to do so, then what best than to have Chris give you your release. 

Smirking, you reached your head up to capture his lips again. Breaking from the kiss you look him dead in the eyes, “I want your fingers”, moving your head to the side, you finish by whispering in his ear seductively, “inside me.”

That was all it took before Chris ravaged you with another hungry kiss. His hand gripped your inner thigh so he could spread your legs wider. 

This man turned you on to no end. Nobody had ever made you feel sexy, or wanted like Chris had. 

He cupped your sex with his large hand as he started kissing your neck and you gasped at the sensation. You gripped his hair at the base of his head, needing something to hold on to. 

Chris took his hand away and dipped it into the waistband of your sweats, massaging just above your panty line. He was teasing you and it was torturous. At the way he was going, it wasn’t going to take long to get your release. 

“Stop teasing please. I need you” you voiced between your heavy panting. 

“As you wish beautiful” he stated as his fingers finally found your clit. 

“Oh fuck!” you cried out as his fingers were finally where needed it most. Your head fell back onto the pillow as your hips rose, trying to get even more pressure applied. 

He moved his fingers lower and let out a feral groan. 

“I love how fucking wet you are beautiful” he growled into your ear, and then nipped at it. 

“More. Please more Chris” you whimpered. 

He dipped one long finger in as his lips found yours, drowning out your cry. You moved your hands underneath his shirt and dug your nails into his skin as he sunk a second finger into you. He found your sweet spot and you immediately felt the tightening in your belly; your release coming soon. 

His palm hitting your clit with just the right amount of pressure as his fingers moved magically inside of you. Your orgasm shattered you and all you saw was blinding white light.   
You heard Chris’ voice break through your mind as you came down from your high. 

“You sir, have magical hands” you purred. 

He gave you a bark of a laugh, “I aim to please.”

“And please you did” winking back at him. “My turn.”

“Not tonight Emilia. You’ve been stressed about your appointment tomorrow. Tonight was all about you. I want you relaxed before the morning. You can repay me another time baby.”

“But what about you Chris? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable all night” you pout at him. 

He leans in and gives you a soft kiss. “Ems I will be fine, don’t worry about it. It makes me feel better knowing I got you relaxed. 

You gaze at him lovingly, not understanding how you ever deserved someone like Chris. 

“You’re an amazing man.”

He gives you a slight chuckle, wrapping his arms around you and nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. 

“You’re the amazing one.”

The two of you lay like that the rest of the night, embraced in each other’s arms. Not only did you now feel relaxed, you felt protected and safe. This was your new favorite place to be. This was your new safe zone. 

You let out a soft sigh as you close your eyes, the darkness outside compelling you to go to sleep. Your last conscious thoughts are of Chris and how happy he has made you. 

 

While you were fully sated and relaxed last night, that all went out the window when you awoke the next morning to your alarm going off. Your mind immediately flooded with memories of your past; your stint in a psychiatric hospital. You were afraid of what was going to happen. Were they just going to diagnose you, pop you with pills and send you on your merry way? Or were they going to detain you because you were a threat to yourself with your harmful tactics? Either way you saw it, it was a lose lose situation for you.   
No matter what the outcome, you weren’t going to be very happy. But you promised to try for Chris, and you didn’t want to let him down so fast into your relationship. 

Chris was driving and you couldn’t stop fidgeting. Your leg was bouncing up and down and you were biting your nails. You never bit your nails, that’s just how nerve wracking this was for you. You were so afraid that this would tear your relationship with Chris apart. The last time you were put on medication it didn’t last too long. Granted the medication you were on did help with your emotions and easing them, but you did not like the way it made you feel. It made you feel like a walking zombie; even making you feel emotionless at times. Yes, your emotions got the best of you a lot, but you wanted to feel some sort of emotion. You didn’t not want to feel love and joy and happiness. 

Chris reached his right hand over and placed it on your bouncing knee and gave you a reassuring smile. You just kept telling yourself it was all for him, you wanted to do this for him. He made you so happy over the last couple of weeks and it was the least you could do. You wanted to make him happy, make him happy the way he did for you. 

As he pulled into the parking lot, you let out a deep sigh. Chris got out of the car and walked to your door and opened it for you. You took another moment just sitting there, eyes closed, preparing for what was to come. All the questions, testing, talking about feelings. Letting out a deep breath, you finally get out of the car, just wanting to get this over with.

Chris grabs your hand in his, and gives you a reassuring squeeze. 

“I’m here for you” he says pulling you in for a hug and kissing the top of your head. 

“I know” was all you could muster up at this point. 

The two of you walk into through the doors and check in with the receptionist. Chris is wearing his sunglasses and black baseball hat to try and disguise himself as much as possible. 

You’re only sitting for a few minutes before someone comes through the doors.

“Emilia?” the lady asks as she looks around the almost empty room. 

You turn to Chris and give him a slight smile, wanting him not to worry about you too much. You stand and once you reach the lady who called your name, you walk through the doors. No turning back now.


	17. Chapter 16

Two hours later, your brain hurt from all the information that was being processed. It was two straight hours of questionnaires, checklists, surveys, and interviews. You’ve done this before, and this was one of the reasons why you weren’t looking forward to this day. You gave everything you could, and they were still trying to pick your brain. Lucky for you, one of the psychologists who was interviewing you was someone you instantly felt comfortable with. In the world of mental health, everyone knows you have to feel comfortable with your therapist or psychologist; and you lucked out in the first day! Her name was Patricia and you felt like maybe, for once, something was going right for you. Well, besides Chris of course! 

They explained a lot about what you already knew. When it was time for your one on one with Patricia that is where the diagnosis started. She diagnosed you with anxiety, which you knew you had to an extent, especially after the little panic attack you endured a few days ago. Really crowded areas made you anxious, which is why you were more of an introvert. You liked knowing you were safer at home, away from huge crowds of people and noises. A few things did throw you off however with her diagnosis. You had never officially been diagnosed with depression. Sure you self-harmed, but on the outside, you were able to look happy. You could get out of bed 9 times out of 10, and continue with your day. However, she still diagnosed you, as being a highly functioning depressive. 

Once Patricia started explaining what a highly functioning depressive goes through, she was describing you pretty well. Highly functioning depressives are able to show up to their commitments and perform their duties, all while putting on an act that they are perfectly fine. Patricia was pretty much describing your day to day life. She wanted to put you on the lowest dose of Lexapro, but she wanted to wait a few weeks before she did so. She wanted a few one on one session with you, to get to know you more in depth before she wrote you a prescription. You were fine with that; the longer you could go without being medicated, the best. 

The next illness she diagnosed you with was something you never imagined; you couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. No, this would ruin your relationship with Chris, you just knew it. How could he possibly want to be with someone who had this illness? He was in the public eye, and once it came known that he was dating you, you would be   
mocked. They would think you were a nut case, and it scared you what would happen to Chris’ future in his career. 

Borderline Personality Disorder. Those words haunted your thoughts, your mind, as you kept repeating them over and over again. Just with highly function depression, when Patricia explained Borderline Personality Disorder to you, you could understand. Doesn’t mean you didn’t want it to be true. The intense bouts of anger, the self-harming, viewing yourself as unworthy, feeling misunderstood, highly sensitive to rejection, fears of abandonment, wide mood swings; all of this was you. She was describing your day to day life with everything she diagnosed you with, and you felt dead inside. You felt as if your life was over. Patricia kept informing you that she would be there every step of the way, and to help you through this. You felt slightly better about it, but you just didn’t want to admit it. You didn’t even know if you wanted to tell Chris about all this. You should, seeing as you two were in a relationship, but what if he left you? What if he thought he was too in over his head to deal with this?

Patricia gave you her card with all her numbers on it, telling you to call her any time of day if you needed. She initially wanted you to go to a psychiatric ward for three days, seeing as you self-harmed recently and it was pretty bad. But you begged and pleaded with her, told her to give you a chance, and that you had someone with you at home to look out for you. She agreed, stating she would give you one chance. She understood that self-harm to some is a go to solution, but the two of you talked about other distractions that have helped you in the past, such as baking.

You scheduled six appointments with her for the next three weeks; two appointments a week, and thanked her for seeing you and talking with you. While you felt better about knowing you actually had an illness that made you act the way you did, it was still bothersome, and Chris was always in the back of your mind; afraid of how he would react. 

You walked through the doors back into the waiting room and saw Chris sitting there looking at his phone. He took your breath away just like he always does when you haven’t seen him in a few hours. He was perfect. He was so good to you, and you didn’t deserve him. 

He looked up from his phone to see you standing there and you gave him a weak smile as he started walking towards you. 

“You ready to head home?” he asks. 

You couldn’t speak with everything fresh in your mind. You knew your voice would betray you and you would start crying the second you opened your mouth, so you just nodded   
to him. 

Always the gentlemen, Chris opened your car door for you, and you robotically put your seatbelt on. As he closed the door, you leaned your elbow on the window, and used your fingers to trace your lips back and forth as if you were deep in thought; which you were. You must tell Chris what happened in there, but you were scared, afraid. 

Chris hopped in on his side, started the car, and the two of you headed back towards his house. The car was quiet, music turned down. You could feel his gaze on you, but you didn’t dare turn your head to him. 

He broke the silence, “how did it go?”

Again, you couldn’t speak, so you just shrugged. You felt Chris grab your hand and you turned your head slightly, enough to see out of your peripheral vision. He reached up and placed your hand to his lips, giving you a loving kiss. 

“I’m not going to push you to talk ok Ems? I want you to talk to me when you’re ready. Just know that I’m here for you, always” he says giving you another kiss to your hand. 

You let out a soft sigh as you turn your gaze back out the window, allowing a quiet “okay” to leave your lips. Feeling the tears start to bubble up, you squeezed your eyes tight, not wanting them to spill over.

Once Chris parked the car safely in the garage, you let yourself out of the car. Walking through the door into the house, you were instantly greeted by a happy, tail wagging Dodger. You bent down to give him scratches behind his ears. Dogs could always cheer you up; they were always so happy and tried to project that happiness onto their humans. 

You wanted to get out of the house by yourself for a few hours, to clear your mind, and think about how you were going to talk to Chris about this.

Opening the cupboard in the kitchen where Dodger’s leash was stored, you grabbed it and walked to him. Dodger saw what you were carrying and he started jumping up and down knowing he was going for a walk. 

“Give me a minute to get changed and I’ll go with you beautiful” Chris stated as you put on Dodger’s leash. 

“Actually I-I umm, I wanted to go by myself, if-if that’s okay with you? I just need a little bit of time to clear my head” you stammered out. 

“Are you sure?”

You raised your eyes to meet his and gave him a comforting smile. With Dodger’s leash in your hands, you walked over to Chris, leaned up, and gave him a passionate kiss. He gripped your waist, never wanting to let you go. Your lips parted in synch with Chris’ and you took his bottom lip into your mouth to nibble on and he gripped your waist tighter, a moan escaping his mouth. 

Pulling away, you promised you would be back soon, and left out the door, Dodger by your side. 

Dodger was great on a leash; Chris trained him really well. He never pulled away from you, he stayed by your side, going your pace the whole time. You don’t know how long you walked for, but you saw a park up in the distance and decided to take a seat on the bench.

Thoughts were swirling in your mind, and you needed to make a decision. Did you tell Chris what you were diagnosed with and take the chance he might leave you? Or act like everything is perfectly normal like you always did? The decision was weighing you down; never having to make such a hard choice in your life. 

You leaned down to pet Dodger as he sits happily at your feet. “What do I do buddy? Huh? Should I tell your Daddy how messed up I am?” Dodger gave you a bark and he started licking your hand. You smiled at the gesture, loving the way dogs can cheer you up. “So you think I should then?” he gave you another bark. 

Here you were, sitting at a park with Chris’ dog, asking for advice. If you didn’t look crazy before, you probably did now. But you didn’t care. Dodger helped with your decision. You would talk to Chris tonight about your appointment, but you had an idea in mind first. 

Smirking at your idea, you decided to head back to Chris’ house. “Come on Dodger, let’s go home.”

With it being the middle of October, the sun was setting much sooner, and you made it to Chris’ house as the sun was setting. You walked into the house and unleashed Dodger who went running for his water bowl. The little guy was parched from your walk and needed to cool down. You strung his leash up in the cupboard and grabbed yourself water from the fridge. You chugged it down fast, just now realizing how thirsty you were yourself. 

Glancing around, you didn’t see Chris anywhere in sight, but you did hear the water running. He must be taking a shower. You hoped you didn’t worry him by being gone too long. He was already worried about your overall well-being, and you surely didn’t want to add anymore to that. 

You walked up the stairs and to Chris’ bedroom, noticing he had his bathroom door opened ajar and steam coming through. Seeing as this was the perfect opportunity for your idea you planned earlier, you stripped your clothes and walked into the bathroom. You don’t even hesitate as you open the shower door and let yourself in.

Startled, Chris turns around to face you, relief flashing across his face. Your eyes started at his face, and slowly moved down his naked, soap covered body. This man had to be a Grecian God reincarnated with the body he had. While he lost a bit of arm muscle from not filming his role as Captain America, they were still the perfect size; muscles still clearly evident. His toned pecs stood out as his waist slimmed down to reveal perfectly chiseled stomach. Your eyes followed his happy trail to his well-endowed shaft, making your mouth salivate. 

You peered back up into his eyes with a sly smile on your face. You grab his neck and meet his lips with your own hurried ones. Your tongue quickly swipes along his lower lip, begging for entrance and he gratefully obliges. His hands grip your hair to pull you closer as you moan into his mouth at the feeling. You hastily pull away from his lips, earning a whimper from Chris, as you whisper in his ear, “it’s time to repay the favor” as you drop to your knees.


	18. chapter 17

“It’s time to repay the favor” you say as you drop to your knees. You were eye level with his well-equipped cock and it was perfect. You placed your hands on his shins, and ever so slowly used your nails to scratch lightly, all the way up. You saw Chris shutter and tilt his head back, sighing heavily, once you reached his thighs. As your hands reached higher on his legs, you moved in to start kissing along his hipbones. Chris reached one hand to steady along the wall, while the other found its way into your hair. You gave him slow, sensual, wet kisses from one hip to the other. 

When you decided you’ve teased him enough (hey, you said you’d repay the favor and he teased you first), your gently gripped his smooth shaft. Tilting your head up, you smirk at Chris seductively and you could physically see him gulp. You kept eye contact with Chris as your tongue darted out from your mouth and licked the pre-cum off his tip. 

“Fuuuuuck me!” Chris drawled out.

You swirled your tongue a few times more, circling his tip before you licked a strip from base to tip on the underside of his penis. That action led to an animalistic growl from Chris and it turned you to the point where you had to clench your legs together, your throbbing clit making it hard to concentrate. 

Gripping his base, you took as much of him into your mouth as you could, using your tongue muscle to lick the vein on the underside each time you bobbed your head in and out.   
You used your teeth to gently, very gently, scrape against his head and Chris gripped your hair, not prepared for that.

“Holy fuck baby, do that again please” he begged, his voice hoarse from the noises he was making. 

You did as he asked, loving the way he sounded and begged for you to continue; making you drip even more with wetness. You took him into your mouth again, using your hand where your mouth couldn’t fit and started sucking as you moved your head. Chris’ breaths becoming labored and he started jerking his hips forward; his release becoming evident. 

“I’m-I’m so close” he groaned. 

You hummed at his response and that was the tipping point for him. His hot, salty seed shooting out and coating your throat as you take it all in your mouth. Chris pulls out of your mouth and leans his back against the shower stall, panting heavily. You use your tongue to clean up some of his cum that dripped out and onto our lips. Getting back up to your feet you give him wink. 

He chuckles quietly as he shakes his head. “That was amazing beautiful. Thank you.” 

You lean up to capture his lips in yours, raking your nails down his chest. “Told you I’d repay the favor.”

“Fuck baby, I was not expecting that at all tonight.”

“Well, I was hoping to put you in a good mood” you say to him “because we need to talk.” You lower your head, too afraid to see what he looks like. You bite at your lips, afraid he was going to get me. He grasps your chin in his fingers so he could raise your head up. 

“Is everything alright beautiful?”

You let out a defeated sigh “I hope so Chris…..I really hope so.”

Chris decides the two of you need to finish your shower first. He moves you to stand underneath the showerhead as he reaches for the shampoo bottle and squirts some onto your head. You had started to reach up to lather it yourself, but he grabs your hands and places them at your side. “Let me do it for you sweetheart…just relax.”

And that’s exactly what you do. Your shoulders loosen up as his hands start to massage the shampoo into your scalp. You hum as he does so, noticing this man not only has magic hands in bed, but also in the shower. After your shampoo was washed out, he repeated the process with conditioner. He then proceeded to wash your body, scraping his nails against your hardening nipples. “Tease” you say to him playfully as he snickers. “You love it” he banters back. Yes, yes you did. You loved what he was doing to your body. 

Hair washed and body cleaned, you two towel off and get dressed. You decided on a pair of leggings and a tank top; you were always warm after a shower. Chris was in sweats and a t-shirt as you both got comfortable on the bed. He didn’t push you to talk right away, and for that, you were so grateful. While you sat there in silence, he reached over and took your hand in his, giving it an encouraging squeeze. 

Like always, as if he could read your mind, Chris called Dodger into the room and onto the bed. Dodger laid right next to you and you reached out to pet him; almost instantly calming your nerves and fears. Concentrating on Dodger’s fur as you pet him, you began. “So…umm…my appointment today didn’t go as good as I hoped” you started. “I ah…I was ummm…fuck. This is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Just breathe beautiful…take your time…whenever you’re ready.”

How in the almighty universe did you land a perfect person like Chris? He was always there for you, grasping your hand when you needed it most, using encouraging words to get you to open up. You had to muster up the courage and just spit it out. 

“I was diagnosed with high functioning depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder” you spit out rather quickly. You sat there, head hanging down as your hand threaded into Dodger’s fur. It was silent. Too silent for your liking. Tears were spilling over your eyes and you started sniffling. You knew it; Chris was going to leave you. He hasn’t said anything yet; the silent making it evident what his decision was. 

“Baby” Chris said quietly trying to get your attention. You sat there unmoving. “Ems”, he tried again, but you were a statue. “Emilia!” Chris exclaimed, emotion to his tone. “Look at me.”

Lifting your head gradually, you turned in his direction, using the back of your hands to wipe away the tears falling down your face. 

“Do you think I’m going to leave you because of what you’re diagnosed with?”

Without answering vocally, you nod your head yes; eyes pleading with him to stay with you. To continue to protect you and support you. He was a great support system; the best you’ve ever had. You couldn’t lose him yet, you’ve barely just begun. 

Chris pulled you in for a hug, holding you tightly to him. “I am not leaving you over this sweetheart….not a chance. You are a strong woman. You will get through this. I’m staying right here with you to help you. Emilia you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“But this is just so much more than I thought it would be. It’s more pressure on you Chris. I don’t want to drag you down because I don’t know how long this is going to take. I can’t rely on you for everything all the time. I need to get out and find a job…and maybe move out of Eric’s guest house. I feel like I’m worthless here in this relationship and we’ve only just begun.” Your sobs were now falling freely and Dodger moved even closer to you, feeling your sadness. 

Chris rocked you back and forth in a soothing way trying to calm you down. “Lets take this one step at a time baby. There is no need for you to rush out and find a job or move out of Eric’s place. When he gets home you and I will both sit down and talk to him about everything. You need to get better first and foremost Emilia. I can take care of you, and so can Eric. You can always stay here with me anytime you need to.”

“Yeah but..” Chris cut you off with a kiss to your lips. “No buts Emilia” he stated. “I’m not kidding. You’re not bothering me by being here and I have more than enough money for anything you need.”

“Chris I can’t ask you to spend money on me like that. We are days into our relationship for fucks sake. I would look like I would be taking advantage of you doing that.”

“You aren’t taking advantage if I’m offering. Let me do this for you. All I want is for you to get better baby. You are my number one priority right now.”

“Are-are you sure you want to support me in this? In all of my crazy assness?”

Chris leans his head back as he grabs his chest laughing. “YES! Yes I want to support you and your crazy assness. Plus, I love your ass” he says leaning down to grab your butt. 

Squealing away from him, you jump off the bed and start running down the hall yelling “Dodger save me!” Dodger starts barking and you let out a laugh as you run down the stairs. “Get your sweet ass back here!” you hear Chris yell as he runs after you. 

You make it as far as the bottom of the stairs before your being hauled up by Chris and he starts tickling you. You can’t stop giggling and while you hate being tickled, it felt good to laugh. “St-stop it…no!!” you say trying to wiggle out of his grasp; his hands never giving up at his tickle torture. “I’m gonna pee if you don’t stop!!” you exclaim between laughter. It worked and Chris stopped his torture and set your feet on the ground. 

“You’re too good to me” you assert as you beam up at him. 

“You deserve it” was his response as he leans down to claim your lips on his. You would never get tired of kissing Chris. His kisses were like nothing you have ever experienced before. It sent shockwaves through your body, straight to your core, every time. You didn’t know kissing someone could do things like that to your body. 

“So, I uh, I’ve been meaning to ask you something” Chris states hesitantly as he pulls away from the kiss. 

“Sure, what is it?”

“Scarlet and Mark both have birthdays at the end of November but they are going to be out of town filming a movie so they wanted to do a Halloween type of bash before they left. 

They rented out a club and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?”

You thought about it for a minute. Chris actually wanted to introduce you to his friends and by seen publicly with you? Of course it was a celebrity party, so they probably would only have mutual friends there and no pictures would get leaked of you and Chris together. It seemed like a fun idea. You’d never been to a Halloween party before. 

“Are-are you sure you want to bring me? You want to introduce me to your friends?” you asked shyly.

“Baby of course I want you to come and be there with me. And everyone will love you! Plus, Renner’s been wanting to talk to you since he never got the chance at Eric’s party.”

“Well…I mean it does sound fun. Do we get to dress up?”

“Fuck yeah! Everyone is going all out with costumes. We can even do a couples costume if you want beautiful.”

You smiled at him as you nodded your head yes. 

The two of you got ready for the night and climbed into bed. You were curled up into Chris’ side, his arm draped around you as Dodger lay at your feet, snoring away. This was perfect. This was the life you always dreamed about. You’ve had a lot of ups and downs the past few weeks, but it was all worth it to be where you were right now. You closed your eyes, embracing the dark as Chris’ heartbeat lulled you to sleep.


	19. Chapter 18

Before you knew it, a week had already passed. It helped that you kept yourself busy with small tasks. You didn’t want to feel like you were using Chris so you made sure to clean his entire house, top to bottom. There was nothing better than coming home to a clean house. Chris had an interview one day and that is when you took charge and got your hands dirty. To say he was pleasantly happy when he returned home would be an understatement. You wanted to make sure that he felt appreciated in your relationship too. 

You also had two more sessions with your psychiatrist Patricia over the last week. Talking with her more about your diagnosis really helped you out. You became more understanding of it and you really wanted to try to get better. She told you it was probably because of your traumatic childhood, losing your mother at a young age; the fact that you didn’t grow up in an emotionally loving household also to blame. Patricia wanted to hold off until your next appointment later that week before she started you on medications. While you didn’t want to take them, you wanted to get better; you were going to be more open. At the same time, it worried you with the time. The Halloween party would take place a few days after you started the medication and you knew taking alcohol with antidepressants was not a good idea. 

You also received another couple of texts from Charlie. You instantly deleted them and decided to keep it to yourself. He was still begging you to come back home and try to work things out with him. You didn’t have anything to say to him. He broke you, emotionally and mentally and you knew that was not where you belonged anymore. You belonged here, with your bother and Chris. The two people who made you feel worthy of life. 

It was now Tuesday and you found yourself back at Eric’s house, Chris by your side. Eric had just returned home, a few days earlier than expected, from New York on business with Frank. You didn’t want to prolong telling him about your diagnosis with the psychiatrist so you wanted to get it over with right away. 

“Man it feels good to be home” your brother stated as he handed you and Chris a beer. “You know….you two look really good together. I’m happy for you guys. But Chris” your brother says as he points in Chris’ direction, “I will hurt you if you hurt her”, he finishes with a smile. 

“Trust me Eric, never gonna happen” Chris says pulling me in for a kiss.

“Awww, cute, but get a fucking room” your brother pipes. 

You pull away from Chris, your eyes gazing deep into his, always captivating. You turn your attention to your brother and take a deep breath before you begin. “Umm…so I ahh….I went to see a psychiatrist last week and I was diagnosed with a few things.” Eric reaches over to grab your hands in his, and gives you an encouraging look, waiting for you to continue. “Aaahh, Patricia, she’s my psychiatrist, said that I was a high functioning depressive, had anxiety, and that I have Borderline Personality Disorder…so yeah” you finish; a bit worried what your brother would think.

Eric lets go of his reach in your hands and moves around the table to give you his signature exceptional hug. “Oh Emilia, it’s going to be alright. You have Chris and I here with you and we will help you with every step of the way. Anything you need” he reassured you. 

It was Chris’ turn to speak up now. “I told Emilia she didn’t need to go out trying to find a job or her own place yet. I told her that I wanted her to focus on herself and to get better. I was hoping you would agree with me on that.”

Eric kept one arm wrapped around you as he raised his other to squeeze Chris’ shoulder. “Of course I agree with you dude. All that matters right now is getting you better Em. Chris and I can take care of everything else. I don’t want you worrying about anything else.”

“Yeah but it still doesn’t make me feel better about mooching off you guys. It makes me feel greedy!”

“Okay but we’re offering Em so don’t feel bad” your brother quipped and you couldn’t help but let out a giggle. “Chris said the same thing practically.”  
The three of you sat around talking the rest of the night, Eric asking if you were going to come back to the guest house. You decided you would spend through the weekend at   
Chris’ and you would come back Sunday night. It actually made you a little sad knowing you wouldn’t be waking up to Chris every morning, or falling asleep in his arms every night. But he assured you that he could be to your place in a matter of minutes if you needed him; or you could always go back to his place. Even though the relationship was moving rather swiftly, it really didn’t seem like it. It seemed as if you guys had been dating months instead of days; except in the sexual department. You decided that it was almost time to make that final leap with Chris and it made you all giddy inside. 

You found out Eric would be coming to the Halloween party also and it made you so happy to know that he would be there with you. Chris and you had spent hours scouring the internet trying to find the perfect costumes. Seeing as this was your first costume party, you wanted to go all out as Halloween was one of your favorite holidays. Once you both agreed on costumes, you got them ordered and it would be delivered by Friday, perfect timing for the party on Saturday.

Wednesday morning came too fast and you were sat across from Patricia as you nervously fiddled with your hands. You watched as she wrote out a few prescriptions for you, your heart racing in your chest. 

“Alright Emilia, I have two prescriptions here for you. The first is for Lexapro. I started you out on the lowest dose of 10mg daily. This is going to be for your depression. The second one here is Xanax, and I only want you taking this as needed alright?” You nod your head yes in understanding. You used to work in a pharmacy so you knew all about drugs and medications. You took the prescriptions, thanked her, and told her you would see her next week. 

You made your way to your Jeep; Chris couldn’t come with this time as he had to take Dodger to the vet for his yearly checkup. You told him it was fine as it wasn’t your first time.   
You drove around until you found a pharmacy with a drive-thru. You’re nerves still on edge; you didn’t trust your legs to be able to hold you up. You gave the technician your prescriptions and waited for them to get filled; the tech saying they weren’t busy so you could just wait there. After about fifteen minutes, your prescriptions were ready and you paid, but not before the pharmacist talked to you. You knew the spiel, having been on antidepressants before. He told you about the side effects: mood swings, headache, changes in sleeping pattern, and to avoid taking alcohol with it, stating it could alter the way your brain works. He also said it could take one to two weeks to notice a difference in the way you feel while taking this medication. You thanked him and drove towards Chris’ house. 

As you pulled up to the house you noticed right away Chris wasn’t home quite yet as his car wasn’t in the driveway. You ambled up the stairs and decided a hot shower would help to sooth your tense muscles, and you were right. The shower felt incredible and your muscles relax. Hopping out you grabbed one of the fluffy blue towels you left out on the counter as you wrapped it around your body. Opening the bathroom door you let out a shriek as Chris was standing there. “Fuck baby you almost gave me a heart attack” you wailed. “I’m sorry” Chris crooned out as he made his way to gather you in his arms. 

Chris leaned his head down and started placing light kisses along your neck, making you shiver. “Are you cold beautiful?” Chris asked huskily into your ear. “You damn well know why I’m shivering” you assert breathily as your grip his strong arms. 

“Well lets take care of that” he says with a sexy smirk as he picks you up and places you gently on the bed. You laid there in nothing but a towel to cover you up, as Chris was still fully clothed. This was so not fair. 

He climbed onto the bed with you as you reached to grab his neck and pull him closer to you, ravishing his lips. You drew your hands up underneath his shirt to feel his abs as your tongues danced together in perfect harmony. Tugging on his shirt, Chris grabbed the back of it at the collar and pulled it over his head, understanding that you wanted more of his skin. Your hand then moved down and to his obvious erection that was straining against his jeans. “You would feel more comfortable if you took off your pants” you purred between nibbles on his neck. He wasted no time in undoing his belt and lowering his pants down, kicking them off the bed. 

You both lay there on your sides, gazing lustfully into each other’s eyes. He moved towards you as he placed his leg in-between yours, his thigh hitting your clit perfectly. “Shit” you moaned out as your head hit the pillow. You found yourself involuntarily grinding your hips upwards to get more friction as Chris assaulted your neck. Your fingers traced the muscles of his torso, finding them going lower until you reached his hard clothed cock; Chris moaning loudly at the feeling. He pulled open your towel and you were exposed to him. He hungrily trailed kisses from your throat down to your right breast; his hand cupping your left. His tongue darted out to lazily circle your hardened nipple as his he pinched your other one. Your back arched off the bed as you squeezed your eyes shut tight. “Fuck Chris that feels so good” you cried out. He trailed his right hand lower, ghosting over your ribs and stomach before reaching your pussy, replacing his thigh. You bit your lip harshly trying to hold back your moan. You opened your eyes to see Chris staring at you, desire pooling in his eyes as he dipped his fingers into your folds, reveling at your wetness. “I want to taste you so bad baby….can I do that?” he pleaded. You didn’t even have to think about it as you nodded your head quickly. 

His hand left your aching mound as he pulled the towel out from under you. His kisses down your chest and stomach made your body feel like it was erupting into flames as your breathing became heavier. Your eyes never left his face and as he nuzzled in-between your thighs, raising his head his eyes met yours. Eyes never leaving yours, he spread your wet folds and licked a strip from your opening to your clit. “Mmmm…baby you taste so fucking sweet” Chris hummed as he delved back down to circle your clit with his tongue.   
Your hand reached down to latch onto this hair and your nails grazed his scalp. He hummed in approval right into your mound and the sensation made you spasm. “Oh fuck that felt incredible” you pant. Chris inserted a finger into you, moving it slowly in and out, curling it upwards when it was inside as his mouth clung to your clit. Profanities left your mouth as you felt the coil in your belly tightening, warning you how close you were. “Right there baby…so close…don’t stop” you begged. Chris didn’t let up and in fact entered a second finger and you were seeing stars immediately. You let out a strangled scream as your orgasm burst through, your hand gripping his hair tighter. He removed his fingers as you came down from your high, trying to catch your breath. Chris crawled up the bed and lay down next to you giving you a loving smile which you hastily returned.

You turned from your back to straddling Chris as your ground down on his throbbing cock earning a delightful groan from him. Giving him a chaste kiss, you start sliding your body downwards, kissing every inch of skin you possibly could. When you reached one of his nipples you swirled your tongue over it before nipping it gently with your teeth. Chris growled at the feeling as he gripped your hair in his fist. You continued your ministrations as you moved lower, finally getting to your destination. His boxers were still on so you teased him with a lick from hip to hip before grabbing the material with your teeth and lowering them to his knees. “Fuck” Chris huffs out as he licks his lips, waiting for your next move. His cock hard as it lays against his stomach. You shimmy up his body until you’re at his base and lick a strip against his vein on the underside; not even stopping you take him fully into your mouth. You hollowed your cheeks as you used your hand where your mouth couldn’t reach. Chris gripped your hair tighter as he moaned out “almost there baby”. His hips started thrusting up and you felt his legs start to tremble. Your mouth and throat were coated with his cum soon after as Chris collapsed back against the bed panting. You reached for the towel that was still on the bed and wiped your mouth. 

You collapsed into Chris’ arms as you’re both sated from your orgasms. “That was a pleasant surprise” you giggled. “Mmmm, indeed it was” Chris responded as he snuggled you into his arms. Both of you let out simultaneous yawns and chuckled. Chris had exhausted you in such a pleasant way and you him. It was only fitting to take a power nap in each-other’s arms. As your eyes grew heavy, you wished you could stay in Chris’ arms forever; that nothing would tear the two of you apart. He was the man of your dreams, and you wanted your fairy tale ending.


	20. chapter 19

Friday morning came too soon for you as you had to take your first dose of medication. You were not looking forward to it as you experienced taking antidepressants in the past. It had only lasted a few months before you quit taking them altogether; not keen to acting like a zombie. Antidepressants worked differently for everybody and the medication you were on in the past made you feel even worse. 

Chris was next to you as you took the pill bottle into your shaky hands, took out one tablet, and gulped it down with some water. He knew how nervous you were going to be so he surprised you with a day out and about with Dodger in tow. 

Chris had been driving for nearly an hour, a panting Dodger in the backseat before you finally reached your destination. It was a very secluded beach in which he said barely anybody ever goes to. The three of you pretty much had the entire beach to yourselves and you couldn’t be happier. 

Chris and you walked hand in hand up and down the sandy shores, the waves lapping at your bare feet. Dodger was loving every minute on the beach; frolicking around like he owned the place. Chris made sure to bring plenty of tennis balls for Dodger to keep him busy. He excused himself for a minute to run to the car and you were all smiles and giggles when he returned; bringing with him a blanket and picnic basket. The two of you ate your sandwiches and sipped your water as you looked out into the vast ocean; cuddling up together when your meals were finished. It was a beyond perfect day and you could not have asked for more. 

That evening you found yourself on your back and trembling from the multiple orgasms Chris got out of you. Damn that man was talented with his mouth and fingers. Of course you had to repay the favor. You were in bliss the way Chris praised you when you made him come undone; it made you feel special, worthy. 

You awoke Saturday morning to the smell of eggs and bacon. Stretching your body, multiples bones cracked and it felt heavenly. 

“Good morning beautiful” Chris’ gruff voice bringing you out of your morning stretch daze. 

“Good morning yourself handsome” you replied. “I smell something delicious.”

Chris grinned at your response as his eyes roamed over your body. Your tight tank top had ridden up during your stretching and you were wearing a pair of very skimpy booty shorts. “Don’t even think about it mister. I’m still exhausted from your teasing ways last night! I need some sustenance” you laughed as you got up from the bed. 

“If I recall correctly, you loved every damn minute of what I did to you last night” he smirked. Cocky bastard he was. “And yes, I made breakfast for us this morning.”

“I’ll be right down.”

You made your way to the bathroom to take care of your morning duties. After brushing your teeth, you took a good look at yourself in the mirror. Cocking your head to the side, you examined your face as it didn’t look like you. No, the woman starting back at you actually looked happy. The glow around your face was something you’ve never seen before. And you could only thank Chris for that. 

Dodger met you in the hallway and you reached down to give him a kiss on his head and a scratch behind his ears. You made your way down the stairs and rounded the corner into the kitchen and stopped with a gasp. The kitchen island had a beautiful big bouquet of roses nestled in the middle; Chris standing behind them, his eyes trained on you. 

You slowly started inches towards them, the smell intoxicating in the most beautiful way. 

“They are beautiful” you whispered out. 

“They’re for my beautiful girlfriend” Chris said as he came around the island to stand behind you. His arms engulfed your frame as you rested your hands on his forearms. “I’ve never gotten flowers before.”

“Are you-are you serious Ems? Nobody has ever bought you flowers before?” Chris asked completely shocked. All you could do was shake your head no as your chin started to wobble, holding back your tears; tears of happiness yet again. He turned you around so you were facing him and he cupped your cheeks in his calloused hands, using his thumb to dry away your tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much Chris. You’ve made me happier in the past week than I have been my entire life. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you.”

“Emilia you have no idea how happy I am to be here with you. Spending my nights with you curled up in my arms and waking up to you every morning as been perfect. I love being able to care for you and to help you, so thank you!”

After your lovey dovey cliché romantic moment that you adored with every fiber of your being, the two of you ate your breakfast. The man knew how to cook; you had to give him that. You lounged around most of the day with Chris and Dodger before it was time to get ready for the party. 

You took to the bathroom and started with your hair. You decided against a wig and left your hair with the color you had now; your red had faded to a more auburn color, which was perfect for fall. You curled it into loose waves and applied your makeup. You left it pretty minimum and used just eyeshadow and mascara. Next, you took out your costume. You were going as a Grecian Goddess and you fell in love with your costume the minute you saw it. It was a floor length Aegean blue color with golden rope trim. You put on your golden leaf crown along with a golden leaf arm bracelet. You used concealer to cover up the fresh scars on your wrist before you opened the bathroom door and headed down the stairs to meet Chris. 

“Why hello soldier” you purred as you saw Chris standing in the living room. Once you saw the costume online, you knew it was perfect. His costume was of a Roman Gladiator, complete with a sword and a gold shield. The underneath part of his costume cut off at knee length as the leather lapels concealed it, and was thrown together with a maroon cape and gladiator sandals. 

As Chris turned around, he looked you up and down as he wolf whistled, causing you to blush immensely. “You look gorgeous baby” he cooed at you. “Well thank you soldier. Are you ready to fight for my honor tonight?” you said with a smirk. “Always m’lady” was his response as he bowed. After the two of you calmed down from your laughing fit, you made your way out to the town car that he rented for the night, in case he had too much to drink and you were off to the party. 

The minute you stepped into the club you were awe struck; there were so many people there and it was decorated like a haunted house. You knew this night was going to be amazing. Chris had introduced you to Scarlet and Mark and you sat there to talk to them for a while. You were a nervous wreck when you first met them, but being able to talk with them and seeing just how normal they were really calmed your nerves. Scarlet was awesome and you took a liking to her right away. She even insisted that you guys go shopping and grab lunch together! She was dressed as poison ivy and it really suited her with her red hair. She apologized for leaving as she had to go mingle with other party goers and you told her it was no problem. 

You and Chris strolled around the club hand in hand, the music bumping loudly through the speakers as people were letting loose on the dance floor. You looked over to the bar and saw your brother so you decided to go over and talk to him and Chris said he would meet you over there. 

“Boo!” you screamed behind your brother as he jumped in surprise. “Shit Emilia, don’t fucking do that!” he responded with a gasp. “Oh please, it’s a Halloween party you pussy” you teased him. Everyone looked like they were having a really good time and you really wanted to just let loose; you knew alcohol would help, so you asked the bartender for two shots of tequila. 

“Is that a good idea Em? To be drinking when you just started your meds?” your brother asked you as you downed the two shots. You gave him a shrug, not really caring at the moment as the alcohol warmed your throat and body, instantaneously making you relaxed. You hardly ever drank hard liquor, and usually never in shots. But you figured the shots would be quick and just a minute of pain in your throat. You and Eric talked for a bit longer before you noticed Scarlet out on the dance floor. Giving your brother a grin, you bid him goodbye and raced to dance with her. 

You and Scarlet were dancing for what felt like hours. Your hands were raised in the air, hips swaying back and forth to the music; all in all, you were having a blast. After five straight songs or so, you needed a breather and went to find Chris. You ended up finding him, talking to your brother, at the bar. Both looked deep in conversation and had serious looks when you came up to them. You slid your hands around Chris’ back as you leaned up to plant wet kisses along his jaw. “You two kids have fun” you heard Eric say before he left. “Oh, we will” you said with a smile. 

You turned back to Chris and started to kiss his neck this time, not even concerned about the party goers in the club. Your tongue darting out to lick his sweet spot you had found a few days ago, but instead of a moan you were expecting, you heard him clear his throat. Stopping your ministrations, you pulled back to look him in the eyes as you furrowed your brows. “Have you been drinking? While on your medication?” Chris husked out. “Baby it was two shots, its tooootally fine” you exaggerated and almost lost your balance. The two shots hit you a lot harder than you thought they would, probably because you hadn’t eaten much that afternoon, but you didn’t tell him that. “Chris, I’m fine baby. So fine in fact, I want you to fuck me when we get home” you giggled out. Chris just looked at you sternly as his arms were now folded across his chest. “No Emilia, not tonight” he grumbled out. He gave your forehead a kiss before he mentioned going to talk to Renner; and he was out of your sight. You just stood there, dumbfounded at the whole ordeal. He just rejected you. Chris, your knight in shining armor just rejected your idea to finally have sex with you. He was disappointed in you wasn’t he? Your heart was beating rapidly at the onslaught of emotions and feelings running through you. No…no this could not be happening right now. Why would he reject you? Was it because you were drinking? Your eyes scanned the club and you found him talking to Renner like he said, but there was also a few other girls talking with them too. A pang of jealousy filled you and it was a new feeling. You knew he wouldn’t cheat on you because then he would have to deal with the wrath of your brother, and that wouldn’t be pretty. But this wasn’t making you feel any better. Why didn’t he offer you to join him in his conversation with Renner? You were getting a headache and you needed to drown it out. You turned back to the bar and ordered two more shots of tequila. So many emotions were flooding you right now; you were hurt, you felt worthless, you were rejected and you felt sad because of it, jealous, lost, lonely, stupid, overwhelmed, ashamed. You felt all these things, but for the time being, you were going to put on a brave face. After downing your two shots, you made your way on the dance floor and pretended everything was fine. 

A few hours later you and Chris were saying goodbye to everybody as you piled into the back of the town car and headed home. It was a pretty silent car ride as you knew it would be. You could sense how tense Chris was and he definitely was mad at you. You didn’t even want to look at him. It was your body for crying out loud! Who cares if you were taking medications that you shouldn’t drink with! It was your choice and your choice alone. It’s not like you were an alcoholic. You just wanted to let loose at a fricken party!!   
Along with all the other emotions you were feeling earlier, now you were beyond pissed. 

The two of you got out of the car once you reached his house and Chris paid the driver while you stormed inside. You went into the kitchen as you threw your purse on the counter and you turned to head upstairs. Chris entered the house as you made it to the first step. “We need to talk” he stated. “Well I’m going to shower” you spat out angrily.   
“Emilia” he responded with authority in his tone. You didn’t flinch like you normally would. You didn’t become submissive or anything. You were too pissed beyond belief to care right now. Walking further up the steps and into the hallway you heard him speak more sternly this time “Don’t walk away from me Emilia.” You couldn’t help the sinister laugh that left your mouth as you shook your head and rolled your eyes even though your back was to him and he couldn’t see your eye roll. 

Chris reached out to grab your arm so you would stop and listen to him, but you weren’t having it. Yanking your arm out of his grasp, your turned around to face him, fire in your eyes. “I. Am. Going. To. Take. A. Shower” you enunciated each word. “Baby” he sighed out in frustration as you turned around and made your way through the bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door. You were so fired up you could scream. You wanted to stop feeling this way, you had to. You were going to explode yet again. Of course something bad would happen after your life seemed to be going smoothly. 

You quickly undressed of your costume, leaving you in a black bra and boy shorts as you quietly dug through the cabinet underneath the sink. You felt relief instantly as you found your trusty razor, knowing your release would come soon from these emotions. You started the shower up, turning it to scalding hot as you slid along the wall all the way to the floor. You took a few deep breaths to calm your racing heart. 

Taking the razor in your hand, you placed it on your thigh, and slowly started to cut towards your inner thigh. You let out a shaky breath at the painful feeling and urged yourself on some more. One, two, three cuts. Three deep cuts lined your thigh as the water from the shower coated your body, the blood from your cuts mixing with the water as it swirled down the drain. This is what you wanted, no needed, or so you thought. With your eyes closed and head leaned back against the tiled wall, your breathing became erratic as you realized what you just did. For the first time ever since you started cutting, you felt guilty of what you did. You grabbed your head and started shaking it back and forth as you were screaming no in your mind repeatedly. How could you do this to Chris!!! He had been trying to help you and you go and do this to him!! He’s never going to want you after this! He’s going to realize what a mistake you were!! Your mind was racing as you started shaking, the water now cold. Those thoughts left your head as the cold water hit your body. 

You sat there, empty and alone, but you weren’t aware for how long. Your body no longer shook as you just felt numb. Numb from feeling and emotions. Chris was going to leave you, you thought. You heard Chris pounding on the door but you didn’t even care. You sit there with your arms hugging your knees as the pounding becomes more consistent; muffled sounds coming from the other side of the door. 

Chris must have been able to pick the lock on the door because in the next moment, his face was before yours. 

“Emilia you’re freezing!” he shrieked as he shut the water off. You stayed there, unmoving, unblinking, just starting straight ahead. “Emilia!” Chris tried again, yet nothing came of it. He left you for a heartbeat, only to grab a towel before he came back to drape you in it, that’s when he noticed the blood mixed with water on the floor. “Baby no….what did you do?” you heard him choke out, yet you still couldn’t move. He parted your legs to get a better view of your cuts as you heard him gasp. 

“It’s all my fault” you said in a monotone voice. “All my fault”. You finally moved your head to look at Chris, his eyes glossy as he held back tears. Cupping your face in his hands he moved his lips to cover yours, but you didn’t respond. How could you? You didn’t want to keep doing this to Chris, keep disappointing him. He released from your lips and instead picked you up to carry you to the bed. 

Setting you down on the edge, he went to the drawers and grabbed one of his shirts and a pair of your sweats; gently dressing you as you sat there in a daze, staring at the wall. 

He carefully picked you up again and laid you on the bed pulling the covers over you. He pulled you closer to him as he curled up behind you, his right arm wrapped around your stomach protectively. “This is it…this is the last time you will be with him because in the morning he’s going to break up with you” you thought to yourself. At this point though, you didn’t care, because you didn’t want to keep hurting him. 

Behind you, you heard Chris sniffle and felt him tremble lightly as he tried to be quiet with his sobs. You couldn’t sleep, your mind trying to remember the good things of your short lived relationship. You decided you would leave in the morning, before he woke up. “It will be better that way” you thought in your head, a sleepless night coming for you.


	21. Chapter 20

It was 6:30 in the morning before you decided to sneak away from Chris’ arms. He didn’t say anything to you all night after the two of you got into bed, and you thought that said it all. You figured his silence, besides his quiet sobs, was meant for something. You thought it was his way of telling you he didn’t want you anymore; that he didn’t know how else to help you. You thought it was what he wanted. 

Pealing yourself out of his bed at a turtles pace so you didn’t wake him, you hurriedly packed as much of your stuff as you could. You didn’t even bother if you left some things, they could always be replaced. Making your way down the stairs you saw Dodger lift his head up over the couch to see who it was. 

You tip toed over to him and his ears perked up. “I’m gonna miss you buddy” you say placing a hiss on his head. “I don’t know if I’m gonna see you again. I’m sorry.” 

Deciding to forgo writing a note to Chris (if he wanted to, he could text you) you made your way out the door and locked it. Eric could return his keys for you. Luckily you had your Jeep here with you as you had to drive yourself to your last few psychiatric appointments. Fuck. Patricia. She would be disappointed in you too. You didn’t want to head home just yet. You weren’t ready to face the truth that this was over; so you drove to the beach to try and clear your mind. 

It was quiet at the beach as it was too early and far too cool to be here. You relished in the fact that you were alone with your thoughts. You sat down in the sand as you hugged your knees to your chest, the wind from the ocean whipping your hair around your face. You didn’t want to disappoint anybody anymore. You wanted to get better, you truly did.   
But one little thing can always set you off and you were so angry with yourself because of it. You just wanted to be normal and live a normal life. Was that so much to ask for? 

Your phone ringing ripped you from your thoughts as you see that Chris is calling you. You didn’t even decide to hit the ignore button, instead letting it ring out and watching his picture fade as your phone dimmed. You were going to miss him so much. Nobody ever cared about you as much as he did. Nobody ever wanted to make you feel better as much as he proved to you. 

He called you three more times before he finally sent a text. 

Chris: Emilia where did you go?

“Why does he care where I went?” you said to no one but yourself. 

Chris: Please tell me you’re ok

Seeing as you didn’t want to hurt him anymore than you already did, you decided to respond. 

Emilia: I’m fine

Chris: Then tell me where you are. Did you go home?

Emilia: No

Chris: Then where are you? I’ll come to you

Emilia: You can’t

Chris: Yes I can and I will. Just tell me where you are baby

Baby? Why was he still using terms of endearment with you? Didn’t he want to break up with you?

Emilia: I thought you wanted to break up. That’s why I left

Chris: Ems why on earth would you think that??? That thought never crossed my mind

You didn’t know what to do at this point. You felt like an even bigger idiot than last night. He rejected you and then went and talked to Renner and a bunch of girls. You thought he was disgusted with you and mad at you for drinking while taking your medication. Right? Ugh, now your mind hurt again. You wanted to be with him of course. But you didn’t want to keep disappointing him. 

Emilia: Because you rejected me at the party and went to talk to a bunch of girls

He didn’t respond right away and it made you cringe. Was he trying to make up an excuse? 

It seemed like ages passed before he finally responded. 

Chris: Please tell me where you are

Emilia: I said no Chris. Not right now. I can’t do this 

Chris: Baby what do you mean? What are you saying?

Emilia: I meant what I said Chris. I’m sorry

The tears started flowing down your face. You didn’t want to leave him; he meant everything to you. He was perfect for you. He cared for you, he cared about you, he wanted to help you along your road to recovery. But you deep down you felt like you were holding him back; like you were just a burden in his life. You didn’t want that for him. 

Chris: I’m going to Eric’s and I’ll wait for you there

Emilia: Please don’t

Chris: No Emilia. You are not getting away from me that easily. If you truly want this to be over then you have to say it to my face.

Emilia: Now I’m not going home at all because you’re mad

Chris: I’m not mad Emilia. I’m frustrated that you won’t talk to me about this face to face. You won’t tell me where you are so we can discuss this together. You’re leaving me   
hanging here

Chris: I just text Eric and he said to come over whenever so I’m heading over there now. I hope I’ll see you soon beautiful

You were so torn that it hurt physically. Leave Chris and let him live a happy and normal life without you, or stay with him and possibly drag him down as he tried everything he could to make you better. “UUGGGHHHH” you let out frustratingly. Why does life have to be so hard! Most people have it so easy! How many people did you murder in your past life to deserve this shit? Your phone chimed again disturbing your temper tantrum. 

Eric: Get your stubborn ass home

Stubborn ass huh? If he thought you were being stubborn now, just wait. You could stay here all day without another thought. You could walk up and down this beach all afternoon without even thinking. 

Emilia: No

Eric: Come on Emilia. Don’t be like this. Get your ass home and talk to Chris.

Emilia: Why should I? He was the one that rejected me and then went and chatted up a bunch of chicks last night

Eric: Really Em? Those chicks worked wardrobe on the Civil War movie. They are all married or have girlfriends. Trust me. I visited the set plenty of times. I knew exactly who   
Chris was talking to last night

Emilia: I’m not having this conversation with you. This is between Chris and I

All texting ceased after that as you sat there on the beach, admiring the view. You battled back and forth in your head all day as you walked bare foot up and down the sandy beach, miles and miles. Either way the relationship went, you felt like you would lose. It was nearing 7pm before you decided to head back, fingers crossed that Chris gave up and went back home. 

You drove back to your brothers’ house in pure silence; the radio turned down all the way. As you rounded the street corner you saw Chris’ car in the driveway. “Fuck” you muttered. Grabbing your duffel out of the back, you shut your jeep and settled on not going through Eric’s house to the backyard where you guest house was. As you made your way around the side of his house and to the back, you saw that Eric and Chris were settled out on the patio, beers in hand. 

“Nice of you to come home” your brother said proclaimed. 

“Yeah yeah yeah” you bellowed, not even bothering to look back in their direction. With your keys in hand, you unlocked your door and shut it quickly, making sure to lock it again. You didn’t want either of them walking right in, until you remembered Chris had a spare set still. “Whatever” you thought as you made your way to the bedroom. Opening your duffel bag, you settled on just washing all your clothes so you made your way back out and to the small laundry room near the kitchen. That was when Chris decided to make an appearance. 

You glanced in his direction as he opened your front door but you kept moving to the laundry room, never faltering. Placing your duffel on the dryer, you started tossing your clothing into the washer. You added the soap, turned the dial, and shut the lid. You walked back through the kitchen and to your bedroom as Chris spoke up. “You gonna talk to me?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Chris” you huffed out in frustration as you continued unpacking your belongings. You made your way into the bathroom and Chris followed you.

“You really want to break up already?” he said and you could hear that hurt in his voice. You didn’t know how to respond to that. You had been thinking about it all afternoon; break up, or stay together. That’s all that was swarming your head and you still didn’t know the answer so you just shrugged. 

You roamed passed him and back into your bedroom. So fast you couldn’t comprehend what happened, Chris had your back pressed up against the wall; his hands by your head so his arms caged you in. He didn’t frighten you with this, instead, it kind of turned you on. This dominant side of him was not something you barely ever got to see. He had been so gentle and caring the last couple of weeks with you as you started your recovery. No, this was a deeper darker side of Chris and it sent shivers down your body, igniting your core. Your head stayed upright, but your eyes were glancing downwards, afraid to look at him. 

“Look at me Emilia” Chris voiced. You shook your head no at him. 

“Emilia” he insisted yet again. You didn’t address him with a shake this time, deciding not to move at all. He let out a sigh of frustration at your stubbornness.   
“Look. At. Me. Now. Emilia!” he ordered and this time your eyes snapped up to him. It was the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard from him and it made you wet. He was being more dominant and you loved it. 

He stared at you with his eyebrows raised up, waiting for your answer. 

“I don’t know” came your answer because you truthfully didn’t know. “You rejected me at the party last night so I figured you were so disappointment in me that you didn’t want   
to waste your time with me anymore.”

“The way I acted at the party last night was stupid Emilia. Yes, you had some drinks while you are on medication. But I shouldn’t have left you like that. I was mad initially but I should not have been. It was your choice and I know that as long as you don’t drink on a daily basis it shouldn’t affect you. I should have stayed by your side and I fucked up.   
I’m sorry. And I’m not wasting my time with you alright? Every minute I spend with you is something I cherish. I shouldn’t have rejected you either. I just didn’t want our first time to be when you were drunk” he said finishing his rant. 

Your heart swelled at his words for you. He really cherished spending time with you? All emotions from last night out the door and instead replaced with desire. The way he was caging you in with his arms, the dominance he had in his voice, everything was making your body tingle and you could feel your panties getting wetter by the minute. 

“What do you want Emilia?” he asks, eyes pooling with desire.

You knew you answer immediately as you rushed out your words. “I want you to make love to me.”

His eyes darted from your eyes to your lips before he made his move; softly capturing your lips to his.


	22. Chapter 21

Chris removed his hands from the wall as they came down to caress your face in the most loving way. His lips molding to yours in a searing kiss; your hands grasping at his hair to pull him even closer. Your body was coming alive under his touch, igniting a fire in its path as they found their way under your shirt. You let out a soft moan into his mouth at the feeling of his calloused hands over your soft stomach. 

He pulled his lips away from you as he observed you; his eyes taking in your swollen kissed lips as they trailed down your body; chest heaving in anticipation. Chris’ hands clutched your shirt as he stripped it carefully over your head, leaving you in your sports bra. It was your turn to expose his chest as your trembling hands grabbed his shirt and raised it over his head, your eyes never leaving his. 

The two of you just stand there, marveling in each other, taking each other in. Both of your breathing becoming heavier, awaiting the events to come. Yes you’ve done pretty much every other thing intimately related, but this was different, this felt different. It felt like once you two were connecting this way, there was no going back, and you were both ready for it. 

You raised your chin as Chris bent his head, seizing your already swollen lips to his once more. His hands roamed from your shoulders, down your ribs, and to the back of your thighs where he softly gripped them to pick you up. Wrapping your legs around his torso, he sauntered over to the bed where he placed you down. You whimpered when he pulled away from your lips, missing him already. You let yourself fall back to the bed, your legs dangling over the edge. 

Chris placed tender supple kisses along your collarbone and you let out a sigh. As he softly kissed from one side to the other, he gripped the zipper in the front of your sports bra and pulled down, releasing your amble breasts; your soft pink nipples already standing at attention. You leaned up briefly so Chris could fully remove your sports bra and you lay back down. “Touch me please” you requested in a shaky voice, needing him, needing his touch. 

His large hands came to the undersides of your breasts to cup them as his thumbs cherished your nipples. “Yes baby” slipped from your mouth, reveling in the feel of his hands back on your body. You clenched your legs together tightly to try get some friction for your throbbing button. Chris continued his onslaught, delicately pinching and rolling your nipples in his fingers. You were winded beyond belief and you felt as if just one touch to your clit would set you over the edge. Chris licked his lips with his tongue before delving forward and taking a nipple into his hot mouth. Your back arched off the bed as your eyes clenched shut. “Oh fuck Chris that feels so good” you mewled out in short breaths. Not wanting to leave your other breast feeling left out, he repeated his action on your right side. 

Chris stood back up, admiring his work as he could see it all on your face. Your chest was gleaming from the wetness he left from his mouth. His hands reached down and gripped the waistband of your sweats before pulling them off of you fully. Laying there completely naked except for your underwear, you sudden felt shy. This man has seen you naked at least a dozen times before, but under his intense gaze, you were feeling more bashful than ever. “You are so beautiful” Chris praised as your face heated with blush. 

He peeled back your panties and rolled them off your legs. Kneeling down on the ground in front of you, he spread your legs apart to admire your glistening pussy, wet with desire for him. He used one hand to keep your lips spread open as the fingers on his other hand went to work. Using his thumb he lazily drew circles around your clit and it almost sent you over the edge with that touch alone. “OH GOD” you screamed out, hands clutching your blanket, needing something to hold on to. “More” you said in a needy way, needing him to touch you even more. “Anything for you beautiful” he seductively said as his lips replaced his fingers over your nub. He greedily sucked at your clit and you felt your walls start to swell inside you, warning of your impending orgasm. “Ohgodohgodohgod right there right there don’t stop” you proclaimed, your voice getting higher with each word that left your mouth. He hummed and that was all it took to send you leaping over the edge. You fisted the blanket tighter, your toes curled as your back arched off the bed. Profanities mixed with moans leaving your mouth at a rate you couldn’t comprehend. His mouth left your mound and he kissed his way up your body and to your mouth, tasting your juices on him.

Your hands tenderly caressed his chest and stomach as they found their way down to his belt. Gripping the buckle, you hungrily pulled it off him as you undid his button and zipper. You tried to pull them down his legs but Chris’ lips were still kissing yours and you let out a soft whine in frustration. Chris pulled away and chuckled at your eagerness and took his pants and boxers off for you. Giving him a sweet smile, you pulled him back to you as you rolled him to his back.

You greeted his lips with yours as your kiss increased in intensity; tongues dancing with each other as soft moans escaped your throats. Your hands played with his chest hair before scraping your nails down his ribs. Breaking away from his lips you moved down his body, just as he had done to you. You wanted to taste his skin, feel his warmth. Finally making your way to your desired spot, you brushed his dick with your tongue teasingly; hearing a hiss escape his mouth. You gave him open mouth kisses along his underside; his most sensitive area and you reveled in the noises he was making, spurring you on even more. Gripping the base of his member, you took as much as you could into your mouth; fucking his cock with your mouth. Wanting to take it up a notch, you cupped his balls in your hands and played around with him. “Fuck baby that feels amazing” you heard him rasp out, panting hard. It wasn’t long before he gripped your hair, forcing you stop. “Baby you-you’ve got to st-stop that if you want this to continue” he stuttered out.   
You released him from your mouth at his request as you repositioned yourself on the bed, pointing to the drawer of your nightstand. 

Chris got up from the bed and pulled open the drawer, seeing the package awaiting him. He grabbed the foil packet and tore it open as you got yourself comfortable on the bed. 

It had been awhile since you had sex and Chris was well equipped in that department. You were a bit nervous at the thought of it hurting as if it was your first time. Chris sensing your hesitation bent down to give you a loving kiss. “I’ll go slow sweetheart. Just tell me if you need me to stop okay?” You nodded your head to him as he made his way back to you. 

You parted your legs for him as he settled in-between them. He gripped his cock as he swiped it up and down your pussy, spreading your juices around; a guttural moan escaping you. “Are you ready beautiful?” he asked you with such sincerity. “Yes” you whispered back to him as he slowly pushed into you. You hitched your breath at the mild pain you felt, never being with someone as big as Chris. He was pushed all the way to the hilt and he stilled his actions, letting you adjust. Your legs were bent back and your arms wrapped around his back, digging your nails in slightly. You gave him a nod letting him know you were ready for him to start moving. He slowly released himself from you and pushed back in gently. You had never felt so full before; it felt wonderful, tantalizing. “Faster” you moaned to him, wanting him to move even more. He did as you requested and picked up his speed. You felt alive under him, on fire even. He was the best lover you had ever had and you never wanted him to stop. Chris bent down and captured your lips again, igniting you even more. You wrapped your legs around his torso so he could move deeper inside you. You both broke away from the kiss, needing air. His pounding into you took your breath away in the best way. “Chris I’m-I’m close baby” you panted out, not knowing how much longer you could hold on. “I’m right there with you beautiful.” 

He was hitting you at such an angle that each time he came down, your clit rubbed on his pelvic bone. It was on a few more thrusts and you felt yourself coming undone. Your walls clenched tight at a strength you didn’t knew you could ever experience. “Oh god Chris!” you shrieked out as you felt his thrusts start to falter. Your orgasm kept ripping through you, never ending, as Chris came undone above you as groans ripped through him. 

You both lay there, dealing with the aftershocks of your orgasms, wrapped in each other’s arms. Chris gave you an affectionate kiss before pulling out of you; you whimpered at the feeling of being empty. He briskly walked into your bathroom to discard of the condom. When he returned, he cuddled up into bed with you and wrapped his arms around you. Neither of you saying anything, just enjoying each-others company. Both of you yawning, you knew neither one of you would last much longer and you let out a content sigh. 

You rolled over onto your side and Chris spooned you, your favorite position to be in with him. This is how you felt the safest when going to sleep. He always had you in a comforting death grip and you felt as if nothing would get to you. Your eyes became heavy and you closed them, letting sleep consume you. Behind you, a tired Chris whispering in your ear. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”; but you were already fast asleep.


	23. Chapter 22

One month. One month had passed since you and Chris had made love the first time. It was a blissful month; there was no doubt about it. After your beautiful night together, the two of you sat down to really talk about everything the next morning. You had been stupid and selfish about everything that happened at the party and you apologized profusely. Chris thinking it was all his fault too, was apologizing left and right also. After you both agreed that you were each to blame, you concluded that talk. 

You also explained to him that you wanted to do more therapy instead of just seeing your psychologist. Talking in the past with a therapist on a weekly basis had helped you, but you eventually always stopped making appointments and you found yourself back where you started. Chris supported you 100% and said he would do everything in his power to make sure you set those appointments up and went to them, evening driving you if he needed. 

Chris also suggested finding a hobby to keep you busy when he wasn’t around. After brainstorming together for a few hours, you decided doing craft things would be the best bet. You always loved getting crafty growing up, as you didn’t have a lot of friends to engage with. You decided that maybe you would even sell your items on Etsy, and try to make a little bit of money out of it while you were at it. 

The nights became longer as the days became cooler and soon you were well into the middle of November. As much as you didn’t want him to, you told Chris to go home to Boston for Thanksgiving to see his family. He put up a fight, telling you he wanted to stay here with you. You pleaded with him, telling him he should be with his family, especially since he hadn’t seen them in so long. His final answer was no, and you didn’t want to push him anymore. He told you he wanted to stay here with you because this year he was thankful for you. He wanted to spend Thanksgiving with the person that made him most thankful. That had you bawling like a baby in no time. You couldn’t even imagine why he would be so thankful for you, but he told you anyways. He told you that you helped to open his eyes and mind. You showed him how much more to life there was. That life can be so short for some people, while others take it for granted. You were afraid his mother would be mad with you, keeping her son away from her on a holiday, but he reassured you it was quite fine. He even stated that he talked to his mother about you and explained the situation and she wanted him to spend it with you. 

Soon enough Thanksgiving came and you spent it with Eric and Chris. It was nice to spend a holiday with your brother. It had been such a long time and you truly missed it. Your heart swelled as you sat at the dinner table with them; Chris carving the turkey. You felt at peace. It had been three weeks since any incident; no cutting, no outburst or temper tantrums. Your medications were actually doing their job. You were thankful for the life you had right now; it was everything you could have asked for. 

You were able to spend most nights by yourself, not having to rely on Chris being there for you. Of course you loved spending nights with Chris, but you wanted to be able to spend some nights by yourself, proving to yourself that you had a bit of independence in you. 

Your relationship with Chris was going so strong, stronger than ever. You were able to have (what you called them) adult conversations without letting your emotions get in the way. Your conversations flowed much more easily as the medicine you were on helped to clear your mind. Your sex life with Chris was something you could barely describe. He pleased you in ways you never knew possible. It was as if you two couldn’t get enough of each other; not that you were complaining. 

Your two sessions a week with Patricia and one session with your therapist kept you pretty busy; Chris keeping you company on the other days and in-between. You felt as if your life was thriving, it was actually going somewhere for once. Selling your crafts on Etsy became an instant hit, and you were happy that you were able to make money. You still had your settlement money from your mother’s case saved up in your savings account, but you didn’t want to touch that unless it was needed. The money you made form Etsy was keeping you at bay more than enough. 

It was a Tuesday evening, three weeks until Christmas, and you were sitting in Chris’ kitchen on a stool as you watched him cook dinner for the two of you. You loved it when he cooked; he was so good at it. He made sure to spoil himself now with food before he needed to start working out for the next Avengers film. He didn’t start filming until mid-April, but he was going to start his workout regime around the middle of January. 

He plated the food for you and he and he handed you a plate. Something seemed a little off with him tonight and it was making you a bit nervous. You kept playing the events of the last month over and over in your head while you watched him cook but you couldn’t think of anything that would make him want to break up with you. Deciding to forgo your nervousness and beat around the punch, you asked him what was wrong. 

“You’ve been awfully quiet tonight babe, what’s on your mind?” you questioned. 

He was about to take a bite of food before you threw him off. He placed his fork back down and cleared his throat. “I uh…I umm was going to ahh, to ask you something” he spoke, the nerves clear in his voice. 

It was way too soon for him to ask you to marry him; it had to be something else. You didn’t want to make him any more nervous than he already was, so you gave him a playful smirk. “And what would that be?” you teased. 

He softly chuckled at your teasing response. “I was ahh, I was talking to my mom earlier today on the phone and she ahh, she really wants to meet you. So I umm, I suggested to her that maybe you would come out to Boston for Christmas” he babbled out in a rush. 

You couldn’t believe what you just heard. His mother really wanted to meet you? You had only been dating about a month and a half. You knew he talked to his mother about you, but you just didn’t know what exactly they talked about. You had heard such great things about his mom and you really wanted to meet her too. 

You got off your stool and made your way around the counter to his side. You clutched his face in your hands as you asked “is that really want you want? You want me to meet your family for Christmas?”

“Yes baby, I want to bring you home for Christmas so you can meet everyone.”

Leaning in you kissed him; kissed him with all the love and desire your body could muster. You giggled as you pulled away from him, a huge grin plastered on your face. “Chris I would love to go to Boston with you and spend Christmas with your family.”

You and Chris made love twice that night, needing to be closer with each other after your conversation. 

He had another interview the next day so you decided to head home that night and he promised he would be by the next day when his interview was over. 

The next morning you woke up with a pain in your stomach. It wasn’t the kind that made you feel sick, but more of the gut feeling you used to get when something felt wrong.   
You had to make sure everything was alright with Chris and Eric and after you texted them and they responded saying they were fine, you decided to just ignore it. 

You made your way into the living room where your craft table was set up and got to work. What felt like fifteen minutes turned into three hours and you didn’t even realize it; your phone interrupting your work.

“Hey baby, how is everything going?” you asked, knowing it was Chris who called you. 

“UUGGHHH” he groaned out in frustration, “kill me now.”

“Now why would I want to do that?” you chuckled. “Because then I wouldn’t have anybody to ravish my body the way you do practically every day.”

“Oh I see how it is. You’re just using me for my magic fingers, tongue and dick huh” he joked back. 

“Well, and your charming and sweet personality, the way you make me laugh and feel protected in your arms, and don’t forget your good looks” you stated with a smile on your face.

A knock came from your front door and you turned your head that way. A bigger smile appearing on your lips as you thought maybe Chris was messing with you and he was really here, waiting outside your door. 

“Baby are you playing with me? Are you here right now?” you asked as you walked to your front door to open it. 

“What are you talking about Ems? I’m still at my interview beautiful” he replied, a bit of nervousness in his voice. 

You opened the door and your breath was immediately knocked out of you at the sight of who was there. There he stood, his 5’10 frame, jet black hair and clean shaven face. The man you hadn’t seen in two and a half months. The man who broke your heart by cheating on you. 

“Charlie” you gasped as your phone fell from your hand and crashed to the floor.


	24. Chapter 23

What was Charlie doing at your front door? How did he even know where you lived? Naturally, when the two of you were still together, he knew that Eric moved out here to LA. But for reasons unknown, Charlie had figured out the exact location of Eric’s house. Was he stalking you? You hadn’t returned any of his phone calls or texts. He had a strange look on his face when you opened the door; something mixed with happiness and maybe fury? If that was at all possible even. It was kind of startling actually and you were kind of scared. Eric was at work and Chris was still at his interview. You could only hope that Chris heard you utter Charlie’s name over the phone before you dropped your cell. 

“Char-charlie…wha-what are you do-doing here?” you stammered out, a complete loss of what else to say. 

His face contorted into a grimace, almost an evil like appearance to it. Yep, you were now scared. You’ve never seen Charlie make that face before. Your heart started racing without delay at the look he was giving you. 

“Well Emilia my dear, I came to see you of course. And to bring you back home. It’s time we sit down and talk about everything and move on from the past, together” he expressed, his evil grin never leaving his face. 

You did the only thing you could think of, you slammed the door in his face; but he was too quick. His foot blocked its path and he was inside your house in an instant. You could feel your heat beating so fast as if it was going to explode right out of your chest. Now you made him mad, and there was no telling what he was going to do about it. 

“Now Emilia” he addressed moving towards you “that wasn’t a very nice thing to do.” Before you even had time to adjust to him being in such proximity to you, you felt a hard slap on your left cheek. Your head bent to the left at the strength from the blow to your face. Reaching your hand up to cup your cheek, you could feel the heat radiating of your face into the palm of your hand. Surely this wasn’t the first time Charlie had laid a hand on you; he had done it many a times in the past when you made him angry. But in the past, you welcomed the pain, because the pain was better than the emotions. But now, it was a different story. Your emotions were becoming more controlled with your medications, therapy, and of course Chris.

You just stared at him, flabbergasted. Your mind racing with thoughts of telling you to run, to call for help. But you knew it would be of no hope. Your phone was on the floor far away from you, and you didn’t even know if it was broken or not. As for running, yeah, Charlie was all-state in track and field in high school, good luck there. You came to the conclusion that you had to do what you could; just wait it out and don’t make him mad. Hopefully Eric or Chris would come to your rescue before anything worse happened. 

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls Emilia?” Charlie demanded with authority and you flinched at his tone and his words. 

“I-I-I don’t kn-know Charlie. I’m so-sorry” you stuttered out. You really needed to try and calm your nerves. You didn’t want to show him how terrified you were in this point; he would only take advantage of that. 

“I told you it was a mistake pumpkin and that she never meant anything to me. And while I was trying to tell you that, you threw this at me and stormed out saying we were done!” he lectured as he held up your engagement ring from him.

You bowed your head, not even wanting to answer him because you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold your tongue. HE cheated on YOU, for MONTHS, and he seriously just wanted you to come back to him as if it was nothing? How many other women were there even before the one you found out about??

Charlie sauntered around the small guest house that have called home for two and a half months now, acting as if he just moved in and owned the place; not a care in the world. It made you furious. How dare he show up here like this? How dare he come and disrupt what had now become your perfect life? Everything was going great; your emotions were in check, Eric and Chris helping with your recovery, your medications working for once. How fucking dare he? Your hands balled into fists at your side as he continued to amble around, looking into drawers, inspecting your craft desk; and then it hit you. Your bedroom. There were pictures of you and Chris in frames on your dresser. You were done for.   
You knew you couldn’t try to stop him because it would only make it suspicious. You were fucked and you were terrified. Sweat started to bead at your neck, your thin tank top and booty shorts doing nothing to keep you cool as your skin heated up; not knowing how far Charlie could take this. 

Shit, there he went, straight passed you and into your bedroom. You could make a run for it, if only your bedroom door wasn’t in clear sight of the entire living room and front door. He was in there for mere seconds before you knew what he found. 

“Well well well, what do we have here my dear Emilia?” he questioned as he walked back out to you. Your head hung low, fear of looking at him, but you saw the picture frame he held in his hand by his side. It was a picture of you, Chris and Dodger at the beach the first time he took you. It was such a picturesque day, you had to have a photo of it; and it was your favorite photo too. Both of you smiling at the camera while Dodger’s tongue hung out as your arm was around him to keep him still for the photo. 

“Now I know why you haven’t been replying to me. You’ve been whoring it up out here haven’t you?” Charlie interrogated as you trembled. “LOOK AT ME EMILIA” he hollered out and your head snapped up to obey him. 

The moment your eyes laid on his, he back handed you on your right side. You tasted the blood instantaneously as your lip was busted open and your eye and cheekbone were ablaze from the impact. 

“I’ve been trying to contact you so we could work this out, and you’ve been out here fucking people left and right huh? And celebrities too?” he clapped his hands as you backed away from him until you hit the hall, nowhere else to go. “I’m impressed Emilia. Celebrities? I didn’t think you’d have the balls to even talk to one” he laughed at you as he shook his head. His hand still gripped the photo frame and he brought it closer to his eyes to examine it, tracing his fingers over the picture. You saw his eyes dance with variations of emotions; emotions you knew all too well. Confusion, rejection, jealousy, and then rage. You saw his breaths quickening as he his hands and threw the frame at you. You raised your hands in front of your face but luckily he had poor aim and it hit the wall next to your head, glass shattering everywhere. 

He stalked towards you like a hunter finding its prey and his hands gripped your throat as he leaned you forward and slammed you back into the wall. You cried out at the impact as your head hit the wall and you saw stars; your head throbbing at once. His hands became tighter on your throat and you tried to claw at them, but it was no use. He was in rage, a bull seeing red and you were weak physically. There was nothing you could do. “I LOVED YOU EMILIA. AND YOU’RE DONE WITH ME, JUST LIKE THAT” he roared at you as your hands tried scratching at his arms. You were gasping and wheezing but it was no use; his grip deadly, your vision blurred. 

Your front door came open with a bang and Charlie’s hand released a little pressure, just enough for you to gasp for a breath and your vision to become less blurry. You meekly saw that it was Chris and Eric who came in. 

“Get your fucking hands off her” Chris howled out and he and Eric came sprinting towards you. Charlie dropped his death grip on you and you fell instantly to the ground. Your hands landed on the shards of glass but you didn’t even feel any pain. You were so scared, so in shock of everything that just happened you cried out; loud sobbing cries making your entire body quaver. 

Eric tackled Charlie to the ground as Chris came over to you. He went to gently grasp your arms and you flinched away screaming “GET AWAY FROM ME. DON’T TOUCH ME!!”

“Baby it’s me, it’s Chris” he said soothingly. Your mind was totally out of it; automatically thinking it was Charlie who gripped you. You raised your head and saw Chris gaping at you, his beautiful face warped with concern for you. “Ch-chris!” you cried out as you latched onto his neck as your sobs increased. “I-I was so sca-scared. I tho-thought I was gonna die” you wailed as your body shook. Chris rubbed calming circles on your back as he rocked you back and forth. His protective arms and soothing gestures quieted you down after a few minutes and he pulled back to look at you. “Baby I was so worried about you when I heard you say his name on the phone. I ran out of the interview and called Eric. We got here at the same time. And then we opened your door, and how he had you gripped at the throat and my world crashed down. I thought I was going to lose you forever” he choked out as tears fell from his eyes. He turned your head to the side to see what Charlie had done to you. Anger flashed in his eyes as he turned to see Eric having Charlie pinned to the floor. Eric’s knee held down Charlie’s arms as they were behind his back; Eric having been a wrestler in high school knew what needed to be done to hold him down. 

Just then, the police came barreling through the open door, guns drawn. “Over here officer. This is the scum you want” you heard your brother say to them, anger pulsing his tone. 

Chris returned his gaze to you as he grabbed underneath your arms. “Can you get up baby? Let’s get you to the couch alright?” You nodded to him and he helped you to your feet as you cradled your cut open hands. You walked shakily to your couch around the police officers, Chris never leaving your side. 

The two of you sat there, you in Chris’ protective arms while the police detained Charlie. Before long, an older officer with balding white hair came to kneel down in front of you, sympathy coating his face. 

“We’re going to need you to make a statement miss. But I think you need to go to the hospital first. Why don’t you come down to the station when you’re all bandaged up?” he inquired, his tone was soothing. 

“Thank you officer” you replied with a nod of your head. The office handed you his card and told you he would see you later today.   
Eric came into your view and took the officers place, kneeling in front of you. He took your chin in his fingers and turned your head to see the damage to your face. Your lip was cut open and swollen and your cheek and eye were already starting to bruise. Your throat hurt the worst though. It felt as if you were hiking through the desert for days without any water. 

“I want to kill him” your brother stated, eyes furious as he looked your face over again. “Get in line” came Chris’ reply. 

“Before any of that happens….can someone get me some water please?” you asked hoarsely. Your brother gave you a slight smile as he got up to fetch you some water. Chris leaned over to place a tender kiss on your head and you let out a sigh. “Thank you for saving me.”

“Baby I would do anything to save you. I’m just glad we made it in time.”

Eric came back with a glass of water and you sipped it gently as it burned your sore throat. Once you were finished, the three of you made your way to Chris’ car as he drove you to the hospital to get checked out. Chris saved you again today, and you couldn’t be more grateful. You turned your head in his direction and gave him a weak smile as he returned yours. You had been falling for him more and more each day; and now you were completely in love with your hero.


	25. Chapter 24

The three of you made it to the hospital in record time, as there was not much traffic on the road today. Luckily, the emergency room was fairly empty so you were able to be seen right away. You begged to have Chris come back with you as you didn’t want to do this alone and they let him. The nurse took all your vitals and you sat in the room with Chris until the doctor came to see you. 

He looked over your bruised cheek, black eye, and cut lip before noticing that your neck started for form some bruises also. The cuts on your hand weren’t deep enough for stitches so the doctor only needed to remove the glass and clean it up. He also asked if Charlie had sexually assaulted you and you could feel Chris tense beside you. You shook your head no and told the doctor Charlie didn’t touch you in that sense and Chris visibly relaxed. You also had a mild concussion from Charlie slamming your head into the wall, so the doctor made sure to tell Chris someone had to be with you at all times in the next 24 hours; having to wake you every two hours if you fell asleep. Chris said it wouldn’t be a problem and after taking some ibuprofen for your throbbing head, you and Chris made your way back out to the waiting room to gather your brother. 

Eric listened as you explained everything the doctor told you as Chris drove you three to the police station to give your statement. This time both Chris and Eric would be there in the room with you as they had to state what they witnessed too. The same officer who gave you his card, Officer Smith, was the one who took your statement. It took more time at the police station than it did at the hospital. You had to relive in detail the events that happened earlier that afternoon and you couldn’t hold back the tears that escaped your eyes; Chris and Eric giving you comforting hugs as they sat on either side of you. 

While you were there, you also filled out a restraining order against Charlie, even though he was locked up for the time being. Officer Smith filled out the restraining order and you signed it. He also recommended not staying at your place for a little bit, just to be on the safe side; both Chris and Eric agreed. Officer Smith assured you, because of the severity of what Charlie did to you; he would be locked up until the court date, which wasn’t until after the holidays. He said it wasn’t mandatory that you be there, but you were able to go if you wanted. With that, you thanked him for everything and headed outside. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone in that house by yourself Eric” you said with concern. Your brother gave you a gentle hug. “It will be fine Em. The asshole is locked up, and I have a state of the art alarm system, I will be fine. It’s you I’m worried about. But I know Chris will take good care of you” he said playfully punching Chris in the arm. 

“Damn right I will. I will protect her with my life” Chris said leaning down giving you an extra careful kiss. 

Making it back to your guest house, you opened the door and took in the scene. The wall where Charlie had you pinned against now had a small hole from where he threw the picture frame; glass shattered on the floor. You walked to the kitchen to grab a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess and that is when you saw your phone sitting on the counter. One of the officers must have placed it there and you turned it over in your hands. It still worked! This phone was indestructible. Chris walked in at that moment and saw the dustpan and broom, taking it from you. He told you to call your father and to start packing while he cleaned up the mess.

You called your dad and explained everything that happened. He was very pissed off; he wanted to kill Charlie too but you told him he had to get in line. You spent the next 15 minutes reassuring him you would be alright; that you’d be staying with Chris and you would be safe there. After hanging up, you got your duffel out and started packing; making sure to remember to grab your medication off the counter in the bathroom. 

Walking back out to the living room you saw Chris sitting on the couch, the photo from the frame in his hands. He heard you coming and faced you, a somber look on his face. “I love this picture” he stated and you couldn’t help but smile lovingly at him. “Mine too” you replied as you looked at it. It was all torn and cut up from the damage done earlier. 

“We’ll get a new one made” Chris said pulling you into his chest. “Now let’s go home.”

You and Chris made love over and over again that night. You feared going to sleep with your concussion and adrenaline was coursing through your body. Chris was a champ and luckily had great stamina. 

The next two weeks went by fast. You made extra appointments with your therapist so she could help you with more coping skills over the trauma you had experienced. It really seemed to help and you were happy that you weren’t going backwards with your recovery. You were terrified that you would go right back to your old ways after what Charlie did to you. But you had a very strong support system here in LA and you considered yourself lucky. 

On the days you didn’t see your therapist or psychiatrist, Chris would surprise you with little dates around town to cheer you up and you loved them all. He was so thoughtful and articulate in each date he planned, even being able to bring Dodger on most of them knowing Dodger helped you with your anxiety. 

It was five days before Christmas as you and Chris headed on a plane to go to Boston. Eric and you already exchanged your gifts before leaving and the two of you couldn’t help but break out into laughter at each-others gifts. You had gotten him a pair of tickets to a basketball game when the Timberwolves were in town, and he got you hockey tickets for when the Minnesota Wild were in town. Yep, definitely brother and sister, thinking alike. 

Chris ended up buying your plane ticket for you even at your request not too. He even rubbed it in saying it was first class and you scolded him; telling him that was the only Christmas gift he could give you. “We’ll see” he replied with his boyish grin. 

The two of you joked and laughed during the plane ride. Chris told you all about the Christmas traditions that went on in his household to prepare you. It sounded like a lot of fun! Christmas was about bringing people together, being with family, and you couldn’t wait to meet his. Most people would be nervous upon meeting their partner’s family for the first time, but everything just felt so natural with Chris, ever since the beginning. He assured you how excited his family was to meet you as well even though you told him you weren’t nervous. 

The plane landed on time, no delays, which was great. Chris had made sure to book a rental car at the airport in advance. The two of you were dressed to blend in and hide yourselves as much as possible, but the whole world figured he would be coming home for Christmas so you knew some people would be snapping pictures. You had on a baseball hat and a scarf to wrap around your face, along with some sunglasses. The bruising on your cheek faded, but it was still evident. The last thing you wanted was to show your face while with Chris and have everyone speculate the worst things. You were both in a rush this morning and didn’t have time to put concealer on, so the scarf and sunglasses had to make due. 

You hopped into the SUV, Chris putting your luggage in the back and you headed the 40 or so minute drive to his mother’s house. It was definitely different being away from Minnesota during Christmas. You were used to it being 20 degrees and three feet of snow on the ground. Now, it was 40 degrees and just a light dusting of snow. You smiled looking out your window as you passed house after house with Christmas decorations as you and Chris sang Christmas songs. 

Chris finally pulled into the driveway of his mother’s house and turned to you, giving you a dazzling kiss. “Are you ready?” he asked you with a smile on his face. “I sure am” you replied an equal smile appearing on your face.


	26. Chapter 25

Chris grabbed your bags from the backset of the SUV as you stood there, taking in the glory that was his childhood home. You felt Chris wrap his chilled hand into yours and he squeezed it tightly, giving you reassurance. The two of you walked hand in hand up the driveway towards the front door. Chris didn’t even need to knock because the second you two landed on the top step, the door flung open to reveal his mother. 

“Oh my dear boy! I’m so happy you made it here” Lisa said as she grabbed Chris by the arm, pulling him into her for a big hug. 

“Hey Ma, it’s good to see you” Chris responded. Even though his back was to you as he hugged his mother, you could tell he had a big smile plastered on his face; it showed in his voice. 

Lisa opened her eyes and they landed on you as an even bigger grin appeared on her face. Letting go of Chris, she turned to you. “You must be Emilia. Oh it’s so good to finally meet you dear” she said as she held out her arms to you. Giving her a gracious smile, you nodded your head and made your way into her loving embrace. You felt immediate warmth in her arms, a way a child always felt in the arms of their mother. It made you feel safe, just like being in Chris’ arms. “It’s so nice to meet you too Ms. Evans” you said, still embraced in her arms. “Oh no need for the formalities Emilia, you can call me Lisa, or Mom” she stated with a laugh which in turn made you giggle. 

Lisa helped the two of you inside where you shrugged off your coat and took off your boots. She said Shana, Carly and the kids weren’t back yet as they had some last minute Christmas shopping; she suggested Chris show you around and to his room where you two would be staying while she finished up dinner. 

The two of you made your way upstairs, stopping every few steps to look at the pictures that lined the wall as Chris would tell you stories behind them. It was wonderful to be in his childhood home, and to be able to hear stories of him and his siblings growing up, just as he heard about you and Eric and your childhood. It made your heart swell the way his eyes lit up talking about his family; making you fall deeper in love with him than before. You just didn’t know if he felt the same way with you just yet; not knowing if he loved you or was in love with you. You wanted to tell him, and not bottle up your feelings again, but you didn’t want to ruin such a great thing in your life; didn’t want him running away. 

He stood in front of a door and gave you a warmhearted smile. “This is us” he said, his thumb pointing to the door, “my bedroom” he finished with a wink. You shoved him playfully as you returned his smile. “You are such a doofus Chris.”

Chris opened the door and gestured for you to enter first; him right behind you with your bags. Looking around the room you gathered it looked just like any regular boys room growing up. There was a full bed in the far corner pushed up against the wall and a nightstand next to it. The opposite wall from his bed had a desk with some papers piled on it, and finally a dresser. His walls were a light blue color and still had a bunch of posters from the 90’s littering them. 

Chris moved around you and went to take a seat on his bed. He let out a content sigh as he did. “And this is where none of the magic happened” he said with mock sadness. You burst out laughing, almost falling to the ground. When you looked back up to see Chris, his mouth was wide open as if he was shocked. “You poor poor baby. How ever did you survive?” you cooed as you walked towards him and straddled his lap. Your hands started to trail over his chest which was covered in a grey sweater and it made his eyes pop even more. Up and over his shoulders your hands trailed, never wanting to stop touching him. As your hands reached his head, you pulled off his baseball hat and your nails scratched his scalp. He hummed in approval at your motion and you leaned in to seal his lips with yours. His lips were so soft and warm, even in the cooler state of weather. Chris’ hands made their own journey over your body, starting at your shoulders and making their way south before they finally gripped your ass and gave it a squeeze. You squealed at his ministrations and ground your hips into him earning a rather sexual groan from him. He withdrew his lips from yours with a sigh as he leaned his forehead to yours. “Fuck baby…you’re makin this real difficult not to rip your clothes from your body and take you right here.” The way in which he said that to you, his voice husky and full of lust, made you wet promptly. “You started it” you replied bashfully to him. His body started shaking as a laugh emerged from his lips. 

“Chris, Emilia, dinner is ready!” Lisa shouted from downstairs; pulling you away from Chris. His lips captured yours in a chaste kiss once more before standing up. “Are you ready to meet everyone?” he asked, amusement in his voice and a playful smile on his face. “You bet your ass I’m ready!” you answered merrily.

Meeting Shanna, Carly, and Scott was a bit overwhelming you had to admit. All three of them trying to get hugs with you and then passing you to the next one; but overall it was great. You also got to meet all of Chris’ nieces and nephews which was adorable to witness. They all clamored to be with Chris as they missed him so much. Chris finally got them all settled down for dinner at the kids table and he came to sit next to you for dinner. 

All six of you adults sat around and talked aimlessly about anything and everything. They all wanted to get to know you better so you told them about growing up in Minnesota and what led you to LA. His siblings were telling you embarrassing stories of Chris growing up and you couldn’t count how many times you almost peed yourself laughing. Chris got his revenge however as he told the story of the greatest prank he ever pulled on Scott. You vaguely remember seeing that interview on Jimmy Fallon, but it was way better hearing it straight from Chris as you were surrounded by his family. 

His family was so welcoming of you and it made you feel fortunate to be around them for Christmas. Christmastime was all about being enveloped with those you love and those who love you. The minute you walked into this house, it felt of love and now you were a part of it. A smile didn’t leave your face the entire first night you spent there. 

After dinner and dessert was over, you helped Lisa clean up the kitchen even though she kept saying she had it taken care of. You were raised to help clean up after a dinner and you weren’t going to back down now. You and Lisa exchanged more stories while washing the dishes as Chris looked on from the living room; love filling his eyes. 

It was a very long day and before you knew it, yawns kept escaping your mouth that you just could not hide anymore. Everyone was surrounded in the living room watching a Christmas movie and your eyes kept drooping down. Chris noticed and whispered to you that the two of you should head to bed. You said your goodnights to everyone and made your way up the stairs, half tripping on steps from your tiredness. 

Chris being the gentleman that he was helped you get into your pajamas as your limbs felt like they were made of lead. He stripped you of your clothes and your body was met with the warm flannel of your pajamas. You crooned in approval as you felt warm and cozy on a cool December night on the east coast. Chris gave you a loving smile as he quickly put his pajamas on before making his way into bed to nuzzle up to you. He extended his arm under your pillow so you could snuggle up to his side as his arm came around to gently graze your back. 

Chris and you quietly exchanged words back and forth until the two of you were too exhausted to even talk. You felt his soft lips press to your forehead and you gave a lazy smile; your eyes shutting, and body relaxing into the arms of your boyfriend as sleep took over.


	27. Chapter 26

The sun woke you up from your slumber and you weren’t even mad. Usually waking up early put you in a sour mood for a little while, never appreciating the early days. But this was different as you were still embraced in Chris’ arms, you were in his childhood home and met his family last night, it was Christmastime, and you Chris was going to show you around Boston today. Looking over to Chris you watched as he slept for a few minutes longer before taking your pointer finger and trailing it around his face. His nose started to crinkle and you held back a giggle at the face he was making. It didn’t take long before his sleepy eyes started to open and you gave him a courteous smile. “Morning beautiful” he stated in his half asleep voice that you loved so much. “Morning handsome” you replied with a kiss to his nose. 

You leaped out of bed and headed outside his bedroom and to the bathroom. You did your morning duty and brushed your teeth, then hair. When you were finished you walked back to Chris’ bedroom to get dressed. You knew you would be outside for most of the day so you made sure to dress warm and with lots of layers. You put on a tank top, t-shirt, and then a warm sweater. Leggings lined your legs before you put on a pair of jeans. While you were getting dressed, Chris was in the bathroom doing his morning duties. 

He came back into his room while you were pulling up your jeans and wolf whistled at you. “Damn sweetheart, your ass looks amazing in those leggings.” You couldn’t help but plush at his comment. 

The two of you walked downstairs and greeted everyone as they were already up and eating breakfast. Lisa told you to help yourselves and you started up a plate. You made sure not to overload too much on food because it wouldn’t feel good walking around all day with an already full stomach. 

After eating your meals, you said your goodbyes to everyone, bundled up in your winter coats, put on your scarf and headed out the door. You had always wanted to visit the east coast because it was full of so much history. Chris chuckled at your giddiness as you were bouncing around in your seat of the SUV; excitement evident on your face. He leaned over and grasped your hand in his before putting it to his lips and giving it a kiss. 

As the two of you drove into Boston, Chris parked in a parking ramp that was more in the middle of the city. After turning the SUV off, he turned towards you. “Where to first?” he asked as his eyebrows rose awaiting your answer. “Harvard!” you cried out in excitement. Chris chuckled as he stated “Harvard it is.”

With your baseball hats and sunglasses on, you both exited the SUV and Chris led the way to Harvard University. The school was on winter break so it wasn’t as busy as it normally would be and that was perfect for you to. You strolled along the sidewalk, hand in hand with Chris, as you admired the beauty of the school. You always admired the architecture from the old days as you never got to see anything like this back home. Since Harvard University was right in the middle of Harvard Square, you decided to stop into a few shops and small bookstores. Chris helped you pick out a few Christmas presents for his siblings and you were grateful for that. You picked out a book for Scott as Chris told you it was one of his favorites growing up. He never owned it, and always ended up checking it out from the library. You thought it was a nice gesture to bring him some fond memories of childhood. For Lisa, Shanna, and Carly, you picked out a beautiful necklace for each of them. All three matched except they each had a different color gem. Chris said he had his nieces and nephews covered for their presents and he plans on giving it to them from the both of you. You agreed that it would be a good idea. 

Your next destination was Beacon Hill. Since Chris saw your reaction to the architecture of Harvard, he decided you would love Beacon Hill. It was known as one of Boston’s most beautiful neighborhoods which were lined with well-kept brick homes in different styles. He wasn’t wrong, that’s for sure. Your jaw kept dropping with each house you passed as you were in utter real-estate bliss. Each house was even more beautiful and fancier than the last and you decided that it was your dream to live in one of these homes. 

You started feeling a little uneasy and when you looked around, you realized why. A few people were staring at you and Chris, some of them had their phones out and pointed in your direction. Chris noticed you tense up beside him and looked to where your eyes traveled. He placed his hand in yours, giving you a squeeze. “Just ignore them Ems, that’s all you can do” he said in a gently tone. “Yeah…but…I just don’t want you to be embarrassed” you replied to him apprehensively. Your statement made him stop dead in his tracks. Stepping in front of you, his hands cupped your face and he tilted your head up. “Baby why would I be embarrassed?” he asked you with confusion. You shrugged at him, unsure of how to phrase what you were thinking. “Ems, do you think I’m embarrassed to be seen with you in public?” You let out a sigh as you nodded your head. He took that opportunity to prove you wrong as he leaned in and his lips seized yours. The intensity of the kiss warming your entire body to the core. Pulling away, he looked deep into your eyes, his gaze never faltering. “I am not, nor will I ever be embarrassed to be seen with you Emilia. Do you understand?” he stated the last bit with authority, the tone that made you tremble with arousal. A small smile appeared on your lips as you nodded to him. “Good girl” he said giving your lips a few more pecks. You bit your lip at him calling you a “good girl”, your arousal pooling in your panties. It had been too long since your last sexual escapade and you needed to feel him soon or else you were going to combust. 

The two of you continued on your stroll around Beacon Hill before deciding it was time to get lunch. Chris told you all about his favorite pub here in Boston and that is where you decided to get some food. The pub itself was rather busy, last minute Christmas shoppers needed their strength to push through the crowded shops and malls. Since Chris knew the owner, he sat you down at a table towards the back in the corner where it was less crowded. You both resolved to have a cheeseburger with fries; your stomach grumbling at the thought of food. All the walking around took its toll on you and you were starving. You asked Chris to tell you his fondest memories of this pub and he did so without hesitation. The way his eyes beamed relieving his early adult days here with friends made you realize that you didn’t want to hold back your feelings for him any longer. You decided that sometime during your stay here with him in Boston you would tell him that you loved it. You only hoped that he would express the same feelings as you did. 

The bartender came back with your food and another round of beers for you both. You dug into your food immediately, humming as you chewed with appreciation of bar food. It was always such a comfort food to you and now you knew why this was Chris’ favorite pub. The food was amazing, the beer was fantastic, and the atmosphere was very laid back. 

You finished your food in record time, along with Chris, and sat there a little while longer as your stomachs digested its contents. Chris paid the bill along with a very hefty tip and you too walked back into the cool December air, heading to your next destination. 

You and Chris aimlessly walked around Boston the rest of the afternoon; him being your tourist guide and you admiring the architecture and history. He kept his hand firmly placed in yours, giving it a comforting squeeze every so often. Chris kept sneaking kisses to your face whenever you weren’t looking; on your forehead, cheeks, neck, and nose. 

The small gesture filled your heart with pride and love. You couldn’t believe you were spending Christmas with Chris in his hometown. You couldn’t believe just how much he wanted you there with him. 

You finally realized how you were going to tell him that you loved him, a small smile creeping over your face. Now you had to wait, wait a few more days until Christmas to give him your present.


	28. Chapter 27

It was nearing 6pm when Chris pulled into the driveway of his childhood home and you both gave each other a puzzled look. No cars were in the driveway, it was vacant. Hauling yourselves out of the vehicle, you walked to the front door and Chris unlocked it. “Ma? Carly? Shanna? You guys home?” Chris questioned but was met with silence. 

You followed him into the kitchen where he saw the note taped to the fridge. 

We all went to see A Christmas Carol at the theater. Won’t be back until after 9. Love Mom.

“Looks like we finally have the house to ourselves” Chris chimed after reading the note. You took the note from his hands and read it over. That gave you a little over three hours to do whatever you pleased. Tilting your head up you saw Chris’ eyes were almost as black as night, filled with lust. He grabbed you by the waist and his lips were on yours in a searing kiss; he literally took your breath away. His lips opened and you felt his tongue slide across your lower lip and you wanted nothing more from him. You opened your mouth and his tongue danced with yours. A deep growl came from Chris and the sound shot straight through you to your core. You gripped into his neck, needing him to be closer to you. 

Somehow you both made it to his room without any damage done to the walls even though you knocked him into them quite a few times. You each stripped each other with ease before falling onto the bed. “I’ve missed this gorgeous body” Chris said heatedly as he trailed kisses along your neck and collarbone. Your body felt on fire in the wake of his kisses. Your back arched off the bed as his mouth found your left nipple and suckled. “FUCK!” you hissed out in pleasure as his fingers twisted your right nipple while his mouth stayed attached to your left, “That feels so good baby.” He removed his mouth with a pop and continued south. His open mouthed wet kisses leaving an icy trail down your stomach and you shivered, wanting him to warm you up. 

You gripped into his hair trying to get his mouth to where you wanted him. “Eager are we?” he breathed before spreading your lips and diving right in. You let out a loud whimper as his tongue massaged your clit; your grip on his hair tightening. His tongue dove deeper, exploring your wet hole and you shook with pleasure, his expert tongue knowing just what to do. His mouth made its way back to your nub as he inserted a finger inside you. With his mouth skillfully sucking your clit and his fingers crooked at just the right way inside of you, you came swiftly. His name mixed with moans left your lips as you reached and then descended your peak. You were still coming down from your high when he removed his finger from you. 

You reached for his hand and took the finger that was just inside you and placed it in your mouth, sucking your juices off him; all the while looking straight into Chris’ eyes. “That is the fucking sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” You gave him a grin as you got him to his back and ravaged his neck with your lips; biting and sucking where you deemed fit. You didn’t suck too hard on his neck, not wanting to give away what you had been doing. Instead, you waited until your lips trailed down to his toned stomach before sucking. Chris mewled at the sensation of your wet lips on his body, leaving him multiple hickeys that only you would be able to see. Your hand reached lower to grasp his dick and his breath hitched. You felt Chris grab onto your hair and you knew what he wanted. It was your turn to smirk at him now “Eager are we?” you challenged right back to him. He only answered with a grunt. 

You licked a strip along the underside of his erection, getting him nice and wet for your mouth. Before doing so, your tongue darted out and swirled along the tip, tasting his salty pre-cum. His hips jerked to meet your mouth as you opened wide and took him as deep as you could. Your head bobbed up and down; the only noises in the room were of Chris’ moans and the wetness of your mouth on his dick. “Ok ok ok stop babe” he rasped out. You let him go from your mouth as you crawled back up to meet his mouth with yours in a rough kiss. Your teeth nibbled on his plump lower lip as his hands gripped your waist. He leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom from the drawer. After rolling it on, he tried moving you to your back but you stopped him. “I want to be on top” you said seductively into his ear and he growled at your choice of words. 

As he leaned back onto the bed you adjusted yourself on top of him. Gazing deep into his eyes, you placed his hard member at your entrance and slowly sunk down onto him. Both of you moaning together at the feeling of you joining together. When he was fully inside you, you waited a few minutes until your body adjusted to his size; he filled you up and you embraced how full you felt. Once you were ready you placed your hands on his chest and lifted up, almost until he was out of you, before sinking back down again. You did this a few more times at a slow pace before wanting to feel more of him. You went faster, up and down, and Chris gripped your hips to help you. The pace that you were setting was quickly tiring you out but it felt so damn good. You looked back down to see Chris staring at you, his lower lip between his teeth. His eyes black as night, but his face told a different story. His face looked at you in awe, in admiration. 

Before you knew it he lifted himself up into a seating position so he could be face to face with you; you stilled your motions. He looked as if he wanted to say something to you with the way he was gazing at you, but you didn’t want to push it. His hand reached up to delicately grab your neck as he pulled you forward to rest your forehead against his. 

You started moving up and down again as his other hand came to rest at your ass, helping you move faster. His hips jerked up to meet your thrusts and soon you were in a perfect rhythm. “You feel so warm baby…so good” he said through panting. “Come with me Chris…please” you begged. You reached your own hand in-between you and gently circled your clit. You felt your walls start to tighten and Chris’ thrusts start to get sloppy. You were both close to your releases. A few more thrusts were all it took and you came together, eyes locked on each other as your names passed each other’s lips. His grip on your ass tightened as he rode out his release, your hands gripped his shoulders. 

Chris eased you off of him and he slipped out of you. He stood up and reached his hand out for you to grab. You placed your hand in his and he helped you up before the two of you walked to the bathroom. He discarded the used condom and wrapped it into some tissue before throwing it away in the trash. He turned the shower on and the two of you hopped in. The warm water easing your tired and aching muscles instantly. You bathed each other in silence as no words were needed; just your gentle touches to one another said it all. 

An hour later you were curled up beside Chris on the couch, eating pizza and watching another Christmas movie as the fire roared in the fireplace. This all felt like a dream to you; it was too perfect. You knew it was reality however and again found yourself wishing it would stay this perfect. You felt yourself drift off to sleep, curled up into Chris’ side as he rubbed soothing circles onto your back.


	29. Chapter 28

You awoke the next morning with a startle; voices carrying themselves upstairs to your wake. Your mind was hazy from just being woken up and as you started to come to, you realized you were in Chris’ bedroom at his mother’s house. Your brows wrinkled in confusion as you swore you fell asleep on the couch; but you didn’t pay too much mind to it as this would not have been the first time Chris carried you to bed. A yawn escaped your mouth as you stretched across the bed, feeling your muscles being pulled while you tried to wake. Your phone chimed and as you grabbed it, you saw it wasn’t the morning, but almost afternoon. “Shit” you muttered to yourself as you realized how late you slept. 

Opening your phone you saw it was a text from your brother. 

Eric: Check this out Em 

It was a link that he sent you so you curiously opened it up and your jaw dropped at what you saw. 

Chris Evans Seen With Mystery Woman Strolling Around Boston Yesterday Afternoon

Is Chris Evans dating again after his last failed attempt? Our sources may think so! Chris Evans was spotted strolling around Boston all afternoon with a mystery woman. They were walking hand-in-hand and he even stole sweet kisses from her. It seems as if Chris is at home visiting family for the Holidays and he brought along a new lady friend. Does this mean Captain America himself is finally ready to settle down? Did he finally find a woman to make an honest man of himself? Take a look at the pictures and find out for yourself. 

You couldn’t believe what you saw. There were dozens of pictures of you and Chris together from yesterday’s touristy activities. Looking closely at the pictures, you couldn’t really see much of yourself as you had on a baseball hat, sunglasses, and a scarf. You weren’t really all that mad about it because you knew it would happen eventually. You knew that being out in public with Chris was bound to get some photographs in the entertainment news media. Chris was an actor, it happened. What you were worried about was his fans though. He had die-hard fans and you didn’t want them to tear you apart once they found out who you were. Maybe they would be happy that you were just a normal person and not a celebrity. Maybe his fans would be happy because they could relate to that. 

You decided to text Eric back and see what he thought in all this. 

Emilia: What do you think I should do? Do you think Chris knows about this?

Eric: There isn’t really a whole lot you can do Em. You can tell Chris if you want but I’m sure he knows already. Are you ready to be in the public eye as his girlfriend?

Emilia: I mean I guess. I knew this would happen sooner or later. It’s just sooner than I thought. I know people can be vicious in the media and I hope I can just ignore it

Eric: You have me and Chris to help you through it. Don’t worry too much Em. You just enjoy Christmas ok? I love you

Emilia: thanks Eric. I love you too. 

You got dressed in a pair of black leggings and a long maroon sweater that went all the way down to your knees before brushing your hair and teeth. From the sounds of it, everyone was already up and gathered in the kitchen as you made your way downstairs, their laughter filling the house. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty” Chris greeted you with a gentle kiss to your lips as you sat on a stool next to him. “Mornin” you mumbled out still a bit sleepy. “What’s on the agenda for today?” you asked through a stifled yawn. Lisa gave you a warm smile as she looked between you and Chris. She was so happy that her son finally found “one of the good ones” she called it. She knew you two were destined to be together; she could tell from the way you looked at one another and your body language. 

“Well my dear, its cookie baking day!” Lisa said with excitement as the kids hooted and hollered in joy. 

You turned to Chris with such a colossal grin; he in turn gave you the exact grin. He knew how much you loved to bake. Even though in the past you would use baking as a distraction instead of more harmful ways, but you still loved to bake nonetheless. “Eeeeeee!!! I’m so excited!” you said wiggling around in your chair and clapping your hands together while Lisa laughed at your gesture. 

Turning back to face Chris, you saw his grin start to fade and a slight sadness in his eyes. You hated seeing him like this. He should never be sad; he was too good to be any kinds of sad. It pained you to see him this way. You leaned into him and whispered “is everything alright?” He raised his eyes to look into your, his once wide grin now replaced with a weak smile. “We’ll be right back Ma” he stated before taking your hand in his and guiding you up from the stool. You followed him up the stairs and into his bedroom, confusion on your face not knowing what was going on. 

He shut the door and steered you to the bed, motioning for you to sit. You did so as he crouched down in front of you, taking both your hands in his. Your heart started racing as your eyes darted back and forth between his. You didn’t know what was going on and it made you nervous. Emotions started to flood you as you thought the worst. Your chin started to tremble as his eyes lowered to the floor. “Yo-you’re breaking u-up with me are-aren’t you” you quietly sobbed out. Chris’ head snapped back up to yours in an instant as he let go of your hands to cup your quivering cheeks. “God baby no!! Why would you-“ he cut himself short when he noticed your tears. “Fuck sweetheart I’m sorry” he apologized while wrapping you into his arms. Your face buried into his chest as your sobs quickly quieted down. “Don’t sca-scare me like that” you hiccupped out as he pulled away from you. He gave you another weak smile before connecting your lips; your face still wet with the lingering tears that fell. “I didn’t mean to Ems. I’m so sorry. I would never hurt you like that. I promise. I wanted to talk to you about an article I saw that my publicist sent me” he said with remorse. You nodded your head at him “Eric sent me the link. I saw it” you replied. “And are you okay?” he asked. You observed his face at his question. The wrinkles on his forehead evident as his eyes were raised. His eyes were a mixture of worry and comfort. “Chris I knew this was going to happen at some point…there was no stopping it. I will be fine. I knew the consequences of getting into a relationship with you and I wanted to take my chances. That’s how important you are to me” you told him lovingly. It felt like his gaze bore into your soul, deep down into your core. You loved this man and you would do anything for him. Even if meant being in the public eye and getting backlash from fans or other celebrities. With that, he gave you a passionate kiss that made you feel he felt the same. 

After your loving embrace the two of you joined the rest of his family in the kitchen again. Lisa and his sisters started gathering everything that was needed for the Christmas cookies you were about to make. Thank goodness she had a massive kitchen and lots of counter space to hold everything. She even had a double oven so that would make things that much easier for today. 

You rolled up your sleeves and got to work with the girls while Chris and Scott kept the children entertained for the time being. They would help with the decorating when the cookies were ready. 

You laughed and joked with his mom and sisters for hours that day. The conversation was much like with you and Chris; it flowed freely and there was never and awkward silence.   
They embraced you with open arms and you felt right at home here. Your heart expanded even more if at all possible at the love they showed you. 

As the first batch of cookies were ready, Chris, Scott and the kids came barreling into the kitchen with eager hands ready to decorate. You loved seeing Chris around his family. It made him relax and less tense as if he had no worries in the world; it was the way you loved to see him. He was such a great uncle too and would be a great dad one day. 

It was well after dark by the time the cookies were finally finished. You looked around the kitchen and admired all the work you guys put in. Dozens upon dozens of all kinds of Christmas cookies littered the countertop and you were in heaven; baking all day putting you at ease. 

You helped clean up the kitchen of the mess that was made throughout the day. You knew you had to make a quick run to the store to get one last thing for Chris’ gift. After the kitchen was cleaned you went to find Chris. He was in the basement with Scott watching a football game and drinking some beer. “Hey babe, can I borrow the car keys? I have to make a quick run to the store” you asked of him. “I can come with if you want?” You shook your head at him “No I’ll be quick. You stay and watch the game with Scott.” He got up to give you a kiss as his hands dug into his pockets to fetch the keys. “Do you know your way there?” he questioned. “I can manage” you replied playfully. He let out a small laugh as he gave you another quick kiss before you headed off to the store.


	30. Chapter 29

Christmas morning came fast and you were all too eager to give Chris your gift. You had talked to Chris the night before and asked if the two of you could exchange your gifts in private and he didn’t mind at all. The entire family was sitting around in the living room as the kids opened presents. All of the adults were in matching flannel pajamas and you loved the tradition. Lisa having gone out and bought yours the minute Chris told her you would be joining him here for Christmas. 

Watching the kids open their presents was a blast. You didn’t have any nieces or nephews so it was fun to see how excited they got with each gift that was torn open. Screeches and squeals filled the living room as wrapping paper was discarded everywhere. You and Chris curled up on the couch together as you laughed at the entertainment of the kids.   
Lisa, Shanna and Carly loved their matching jewelry set that you got them. Scott was almost in tears as he opened his gift from you and saw that it was his favorite book growing up. He tackled you into a big bear hug and he scolded Chris, telling him to never let you go. Chris chuckled at his words. “I wouldn’t dream of it” he whispered into your ear.   
Turning to face him you quickly stole a kiss from his lips. 

The gifts you got from Chris’ siblings were so thoughtful. Lisa gave you a gift card to apparently one of the best hair colorists in LA. You couldn’t wait to try something new! Shanna gave you a brand new bakeware set. You had needed a new set so badly because your old ones were so worn out from all the baking you had done. Carly gave you a gift card to a craft store to help you buy more supplies for your Etsy creations. Scott being Scott gave you a gag gift and you couldn’t hold back your laughter. It was of a picture of the two of you making a silly face at the camera. He took the picture two nights ago when you both had a bit too much to drink; the frame stated “Best Friends” on it. It was one of the greatest presents you had ever received. 

As morning faded into early afternoon, the living room was starting to look more like a living room again as the kids played in the basement with their new toys. Lisa and Chris’ sisters started working on an early dinner. Deciding it was the perfect moment to exchange your gifts; you and Chris got dressed and went for a walk. It was fairly warm for a Christmas day, even for Boston. You didn’t even need your winter coat as you layered on a few undershirts with a cozy sweater. 

The two of you walked around the neighborhood and enjoyed the view as you made your way to a park; both your gifts to each other in tow along with a blanket Chris brought. He found an empty bench on the park and laid the blanket down so your ass wouldn’t freeze too much on the cold wood. As you two settled on the bench, he took out a thermos and two paper cups. You gave him a bewildered look as he took the cap off the thermos; you smelled the hot chocolate and sighed in content. Placing the cup to your lips, you took a small sip as the warmth radiated down your throat and you let out a hum. “This is the most perfect Christmas morning I have ever had” you said to him with a smile on your face. “Me too beautiful, me too.”

Chris pulled his present for you out of his pocket, “Merry Christmas Emilia” he stated smiling to you. You put your cup down and took the gift from him. It was in a small box with a bow on the top and as you opened it up a gasp left your lips. Inside was a beautiful white gold ring and a singular black diamond sitting on top. It wasn’t a huge diamond or anything but you still didn’t know what to make of it. It couldn’t be an engagement ring, no, not this was too soon. It had to have another meaning behind it. “Chris” you choked out, unsure of what else to say. He took the box from your shaking hands and removed the ring from it. “This is not what you think Ems” he stated with a sly chuckle. “This is a promise ring. A promise from me to you. I promise to be the man you want and need. I promise to be there for you at any time, day or night. If I’m not with you physically, I will only be a phone call away. I promise to never hurt you in any which way. I promise that you, and only you, will have my heart” he finished as he placed the ring on your right middle finger. You were glad it fit that finger as you didn’t want it on your left ring finger; it was draw too much suspicion and that was the last thing you wanted. “It’s so beautiful” you said as a single tear of happiness fell from your eyes. “A beautiful ring for my beautiful girlfriend.” You giggled at his choice of words, ever the dorky cliché man that you were in love with. You brought your hand up to admire the ring some more as it shined in the sun. Turning up to face Chris, you lovingly placed your lips onto his; the kiss soft and sweet, just like the moment you shared with him. 

You grabbed your bag off the floor and pulled out two envelopes for Chris. You handed him the first one that was his actual present first. He opened it with a curious glance in your direction and once he saw what it was, his eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. He pulled out the matching bracelets; the blue one had his name stitched to it while the pink one had yours stitched to it. The lettering was done in the classic Disney themed design. “Does this mean what I think it means?” he asked excitedly. “Yes Chris, we are going to Disneyland when we get home” you giggled out to him. He raised his fist in the air and yelped out enthusiastically. “I’ve never been and I know how much you love Disney so I figured it could be another fun adventure for us” you spoke. “Oh baby, you are going to have SO much fun!” You laughed again at how excited he was and you were happy with yourself with your gift to him. 

Your heart started to beat more rapidly as you reached for the other envelope and handed it to him. He took it from your hand and gently tore into it to reveal a card inside. The card itself was simple, and just showed a shadow of two people holding hands while on the beach. He opened it and his eyes widened as he started to read what was on the inside. 

Chris,   
I could not have asked for a better support system in these past few months. Nobody has ever showed me such kindness and patience when dealing with me. I honestly don’t know if I would have ever been able to start my road to recovery without you by my side. From the moment I met you I knew there was something inside of you. You have always been so patient and calm when I needed it the most. With you by my side I feel like I can conquer the world. I have you to thank for my progress and I don’t know how to thank you just yet, but I will find a way. You make my heart flutter when you are near. I didn’t know it was possible to feel the way I do, but again, it is all thanks to you.   
I have been falling deeper and deeper in love with you over the past few weeks Chris and I wanted to let you know that. I felt that you deserved to know what I was feeling. I was worried at first, seeing as we are still so new to this relationship but I didn’t want to hide my true feelings anymore. I understand if you don’t feel the same way quite yet, but I had to get it off my chest.   
I love you Chris, so much that it hurts sometimes not being able to tell you so. I wouldn’t change anything for the way my heart swells knowing you chose me.   
Emilia

His eyes roamed over the card a few more times, reading it over and over again. You heard a slight sniffle from him and thought maybe it was the cool December air, but you were wrong as he raised his head to look at you. A few tears escaped down his cheeks as he gave you a look as if he was confirming what he just read. “It’s true, everything I wrote. I love you Chris.” He gathered you into his arms and never let go, squeezing you close to him. He was so warm as you were buried into his embrace. He pulled away too quickly for your likely and grasped your hands. “Emilia I have loved you since the moment I laid my eyes on you. After so many women failed me, here you came; sweeping me off my feet and you wiggled your way into my heart. You and only you have my heart. I love you Ems…so much!” he finished and you leaped right back into his arms. 

You spent a few hours at the park, wrapped up in the blanket and cuddled into Chris’ side as you enjoyed each-others company. You would never get sick of being with the man you loved so much; it would never be enough.


	31. Chapter 30

As you and Chris made your way back to his mom’s house in Boston, you let out a content sigh as you pondered how far you had come in just a few short months. You couldn’t believe just how much you had gone through; so many highs and lows graced your life. Never in your wildest dreams would you imagine your life where it was right now. Everything was so picture perfect, like a dream; a dream you never wanted to wake up from. Your brother had been amazing, taking you in and supporting you through your mental illnesses. What you expected to be a little side hobby with making crafts and selling them on Etsy became an actual job; people were going crazy for your crafts and you were making good money off of it. Charlie showing up unannounced and fearing for your life that he would take things too far; but your hero’s showed up. But the best thing of all, was meeting Chris and falling in love. You were positive falling in love would never happen to you again; positive nobody could possibly fall in love with the mess that was you. But it happened, you had fallen in love, and that person equally loved you back. 

You and Chris spent the next two days in Boston, spending more time with his family and a doing a little more sight-seeing. Chris was definitely in his element here in Boston and you wondered if maybe one day, he would want to buy a house and move out here. You knew it was a long shot though because everything was much easier for him in LA.   
The flight home went smooth, which you were grateful for. Plane rides were never a particularly favorite of yours; you preferred to drive anywhere if possible. With your disguises on, you thought the two of you would make it out of the airport smoothly, but sadly, this was LA and you were dating a celebrity. Chris held onto your hand tightly as you saw a swarm of paparazzi waiting for you outside. Your pulse started racing as you neared, your throat going dry as you desperately tried to find enough saliva in your mouth to coat your aching throat; your hand started trembling in Chris’. 

Chris paused, sensing your fear as he reached down to your level. “Just stick close by me beautiful…I won’t let you go” his words quickly easing your racing heart as you nodded to him. Marching ahead, the doors opened and you were bombarded by flashes and questions. 

“Did you have a good holiday”…..”Chris is this your new girlfriend”…..”What did you get for Christmas”….”What is your name”….”How did you two meet”….was all you heard in a jumbled rush as you and Chris made haste to your awaiting car. The chauffer quickly escorted you and Chris into the back of the car before loading your luggage into the trunk. 

Chris quickly pulled you into his side as your heartbeat started to calm down. “You did great Ems” he soothed, giving you a kiss into your head. “That was really scary. I wasn’t really expecting that” you stated, voice a bit shaky. Chris let out a deep sigh, “I know and I should have warned you that this might have happened. The paps like to hang out here, especially after a big holiday. I’m sorry baby.” Pulling away you gazed deep into his eyes; you could see the sorrow in them. Your eyes examined his face, his beard the perfect scruff, his face paler than normal because of the cooler weather. Biting your lip, your eyes trailed back up to meet his, “You can always repay me later.” His head leaned back as he barked out laughter, his right hand grabbing his flawless left pectoral. As he quieted down from his dorkiness, he leaned forward to cup your face in his hands as he placed a tender kiss on your lips; his wistful eyelashes tickling your face. “I love you Emilia” he rasped out as he pulled away. A soft smile appeared on your face, “I love you too Chris.” 

Would you ever get sick of saying that to him? Would it ever come to sound like a broken record? You really hoped not because you loved to say it and loved to hear it from him.   
Once unpacking everything at Chris’ home, the two of you hopped into Chris’ car and drove over to your bothers’ house to catch up with him for the evening. The short distance between the houses was nice as you didn’t want to be sitting in a car for too long after the plane ride home earlier today; your muscles were starting to ache all over.   
As usually, Eric barreled into you with a bear hug once reaching his house. It still amazed you how safe you felt in his arms. But now you felt like the luckiest person around, finding another pair of arms to make you feel safe. 

The three of you headed into his kitchen while making small talk about your holidays. Frank Grillo was gracious enough to let Eric spend the day with him and his family. Seeing as your brother was Frank’s publicist, they had grown rather close to each other; Eric now practically being a part of Frank’s family. 

The boys decided to barbeque some steaks and you didn’t protest; your stomach grumbling at the thought of any kind of food. You watched from the kitchen, preparing a salad, as the boys talked away on the patio. Your heart swelling at the thought of your brother and your boyfriend being such good friends, making life that much easier for you.

“I have an announcement” Eric expressed as you all sat down for dinner, “I am selling the house and moving to New York.” The drink you just took a sip from was now splattered all over the table; choking on it after Eric’s surprise announcement. “Wha…what?? Why!?!” you managed to say between you coughing fit; Chris coming to your rescue and patting your back while handing you a napkin. “Well, turns out Frank landed a new Netflix TV show which is being filmed in New York City. It’s at least a three season deal and he asked if I wanted to move out there with him and his family. He even said he had a few co-stars who are looking for a new publicist too. It was too good to pass up” he finished; the sadness in his voice evident. 

You felt like your world was crashing down onto you. You didn’t want Eric to leave, and you didn’t want to leave him. He was your brother, the one who has always been there for you. But if he left for New York, would that mean you would have to leave with him too? You didn’t have enough money saved up for a house or even an apartment. What were you going to do? Chris sensed your hesitation at Eric’s words and clasped his warm, strong hands with yours. “Where am I going to live?” you questioned with a heavy sigh as you glanced up to look at Eric. As you were looking at your brother, his eyes were darting between you and Chris as he raised his eyebrows. “With me” Chris stated without hesitation. Your head whipped to face him and saw the seriousness engraved on his face. 

What?? Chris wanted you to move in with him? Sure you had spent a month with him while Eric was out of town, but that was only temporary. This would be more of a permanent thing, to move in with Chris. You reflected on the idea for a minute. Yes this would seem a bit rushed from an outsider’s point of view, to a normal relationship. But things just weren’t normal between you and Chris. That instant connection you felt during first meeting each other was real; love at first sight was real. 

“Are…are you sure about this?” you inquired as you furrowed your eyebrows. “Baby I have never been more sure of anything. I don’t want you living on your own out here in LA with Charlie still here, even though he’s locked up right now. You already stayed with me for almost a month and everything went so smoothly. I’d sleep so much better at night if I knew you were safe at my house” Chris replied. “I second that” Eric chimed in, making you chuckle slightly. 

The two most important people in your life were looking at you, waiting for you to make your decision. What could it hurt right? “Only for you to be completely and utterly alone and homeless if this doesn’t work out” a voice cried out in your head. No, you would stop looking at things negatively and start looking at the positive. This would be a major positive. Glancing between Eric and Chris, a smile lit your face. “Yes” you spoke, “I will move in with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in the Part 1 series. I will continue on this story with a Part 2 hopefully soon for you guys!!! Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed it!!


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